Ok, so I talked to Julie at the Lucky today, and she told me that there might be a spot for me at the Lucky on Airport. So, that'd be cool, just for a bit here and there... But I think in order to make it worthwhile (because if they hired me today, I could only really work for 6 weeks, what with shows and the like...) I'd have to offer to stay over the summer. And... well, At first, I was all gung-ho about the idea, you know, my own place, my own job, volunteer on weekends or whatev....
Then I got thinking about it. He won't be offering me the minimum $12/hour I'd be getting at the factory (closer to $14 if they put me in weigh-up again...), and he probably won't be able to give me 40 hours/week + overtime, which I'm guarenteed at Richardsons, and, though I'll have to pay rent anyways up here, I don't have to pay rent/food/hydro/internet at home. Plus, Richardsons is putting in an Expansion, which means that there's definalty going to be work...I'm walking back into that job, no questions asked.
I mean, I'd love live alone, but that's coming fast enough. I'll be living on my own (hopefully) for the next 2 years, and depending on what happens after next year's placement, I might even have a real job up here soon. I just... I don't know.
And, to be honest, I'm really kinda nervous about getting another job... But I don't really want to talk about that now. I'll wait until tomorrow, after I've discussed it with this Dr. King guy... See what he says.
That's pretty much it for now. I have class in a half hour, and I'm kinda peckish, so I should make some lunch. Urg... I hate money.
If you're going to screw it up, do it BIG... people will think you're doing it on Purpose.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
January 29, 2007
January 13, 2007
nerves.
I know I've already posted today, and I know I haven't really done anything today, but I figured I'd throw this up anyways... Just for fun.
I'm nervous about tomorrow. I haven't done tech in almost 2 years. It's not that I don't remember what to expect, or what's involved. It's just that I don't know if I'm up to it... I'm not as strong as I was, and I'm not as... physically able as I used to be. I tire easily. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep up. I don't like feeling like that. At school, I know I can keep up mentally, and this makes me feel stable... I don't have to worry about fighting for my place and keeping people happy. But right now, I feel so washed out... drained and almost bloated at the same time. I feel like a beached whale. I want to just say... No. I can't do this. I can't be a part of this. But at the same time, I want to try. I just don't want to fail. I really, really don't like failure.
I want to be called out. I want someone to say... Hey, lets do something energetic, let's get you moving. I could do this on my own, but something inside tells me... No, stay still. Just veg. You'll be fine. I don't want to veg. I want to prepare myself for the Ten Million K run my life will eventually become. Something in me isn't working again.
My insides feel broken. Bent, or just... clogged. like everything is slow-drying cement. I hate feeling like this. I think I slept too much to get over being sick and to prepare myself for tomorrow. I just want it over with.
I just wish this heavy, wet, cold blanket would lift. I don't feel like me. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep again. I almost crave a manic flip, where I have energy to freak out and do something big. I don't like the idea of dragging... It means I'm really doing nothing and convincing myself of other things. I don't feel real, yet I feel too real.
I don't really know where I"m going with this. I just want to get it all down. Though, any more, getting it down is not the same as lifting the weight off my shoulders and my chest... It's not the same anymore. It's just... blank. I don't get it.
I think I"m really, just really nervous about doing something wrong, or walking through it in a fog like I used to. There were days when I'd give anything to do this... Now I'm not so Sure.
I'm going to attempt to clean my room. Maybe that will spark something in me... something that kills this godawful restless/weariness in my head. Maybe someone will come online, chat at me, and inspire me into doing something cool. Who knows. Right now, I just feel like nothing, and I just want it gone.
I hate "bring down" posts, but that's where I am. Sorry. But you get it, right?
I'm nervous about tomorrow. I haven't done tech in almost 2 years. It's not that I don't remember what to expect, or what's involved. It's just that I don't know if I'm up to it... I'm not as strong as I was, and I'm not as... physically able as I used to be. I tire easily. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep up. I don't like feeling like that. At school, I know I can keep up mentally, and this makes me feel stable... I don't have to worry about fighting for my place and keeping people happy. But right now, I feel so washed out... drained and almost bloated at the same time. I feel like a beached whale. I want to just say... No. I can't do this. I can't be a part of this. But at the same time, I want to try. I just don't want to fail. I really, really don't like failure.
I want to be called out. I want someone to say... Hey, lets do something energetic, let's get you moving. I could do this on my own, but something inside tells me... No, stay still. Just veg. You'll be fine. I don't want to veg. I want to prepare myself for the Ten Million K run my life will eventually become. Something in me isn't working again.
My insides feel broken. Bent, or just... clogged. like everything is slow-drying cement. I hate feeling like this. I think I slept too much to get over being sick and to prepare myself for tomorrow. I just want it over with.
I just wish this heavy, wet, cold blanket would lift. I don't feel like me. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep again. I almost crave a manic flip, where I have energy to freak out and do something big. I don't like the idea of dragging... It means I'm really doing nothing and convincing myself of other things. I don't feel real, yet I feel too real.
I don't really know where I"m going with this. I just want to get it all down. Though, any more, getting it down is not the same as lifting the weight off my shoulders and my chest... It's not the same anymore. It's just... blank. I don't get it.
I think I"m really, just really nervous about doing something wrong, or walking through it in a fog like I used to. There were days when I'd give anything to do this... Now I'm not so Sure.
I'm going to attempt to clean my room. Maybe that will spark something in me... something that kills this godawful restless/weariness in my head. Maybe someone will come online, chat at me, and inspire me into doing something cool. Who knows. Right now, I just feel like nothing, and I just want it gone.
I hate "bring down" posts, but that's where I am. Sorry. But you get it, right?
January 3, 2007
The Sparky's-Freaking-Out-o-meter: 8.5
So, in approximately 24 hours, I will be on the road, heading back to North Bay.
And I'm filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread.
I did some banking today, and realized that at present, I'm $30 short on my (overdue) rent. Now, to be honest, my last cheque from Richardsons will go in tonight at Midnight, so I should have about $150 to play with, but... Wow. I've never really felt this poor before.
I'm kinda freaking out about it all. Coming back this January is almost like starting over in September: I have to hunt for jobs and housing. I have to sort out my classes (I haven't even gotten my grades from last term yet). I have to somehow start making money. Fast. And Lots of it.... I really don't know what I'm going to do. If I was doing this on my own, I'd be screwed right now. I mean, I'm just... terrified. I hate the idea of looking for a new place to live, because I've never had to do that before, and all I hear about is crappy landlords and leases from hell, leaky cielings and... arg. I understand that change is a part of life, and it's inevitable and all that, but that doesn't mean that I can't be scared about it. And mom's talking about it like it's nothing... Unless she's panicking about having to pay rent over the summer.
It's not really a huge deal. I mean, really, it isn't. We're all poor, after christmas, everyone is. And it's not like I need $5,000 right now today... I'll get OSAP when I get back, and I"ll get my income tax return in March. I just really, really, REALLY hate feeling like I've got nothing. I like to have money to do things. I like to be able to go out and buy my friends a beer. I like being able to do this, and my sister does it all the time. She works part time at a gym (has for a while now), yet she's always going out, and doing things, and buying stuff... I know that not all of that money is hers. I know it's not necessarily true, but sometimes it feels like when I want to do things, and I need to ask for help (which I also hate doing... I'd rather live in the woods for a month with nothing but a tent and a cocktail dress...), it seems like there's just not enough to go around.
That, and I'm starting to feel the "save now" panic... Some financial analyst once said that every Canadian should have 3 months living expenses tucked away for an emergency. I agree, and I really, really want to have some cash banked so that if something comes up, I can at least handle it financially. Besides, one day, I am going to want to go on a vacation to the Bahamas, or Retire, or take time off to travel. Right now, I have gas money to get me to North Bay, and maybe enough change for a coffee along the way. 3 Months living expenses for me looks something like this:
3 months rent (assuming rent wherever I go next is...say $500.00, just to be even): $1,500
3 months utilities (phone, internet, whatever; call it $100/month): $300
3 months medication (lets pretend I still have insurance at this point, $70/month): $210
3 months groceries: $150
3 months gas (@ $40/month if I really stretch it): $120
...3 months bare essentials living expenses: $2280.00... which I'd probably want to round up to $3000, to cover incidental costs like car problems, extra medical problems, extra gas, and the panic of what happens if it's more than 3 months? And, if I'm out of school, throw $120/month car insurance on that, raise the medication to $200/month (yeah, I know), plus OSAP, VISA and Credit Line Payments...
HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO THIS??? It doesn't really make sense, does it? It's really kind of terrifying, isn't it?
I do this every year, don't I?
I've gotten this crazy urge to go back over my old posts and throw lables on them, so I can reference old posts and things like that...So I guess I'll do that... then I guess we'll see.
And I'm filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread.
I did some banking today, and realized that at present, I'm $30 short on my (overdue) rent. Now, to be honest, my last cheque from Richardsons will go in tonight at Midnight, so I should have about $150 to play with, but... Wow. I've never really felt this poor before.
I'm kinda freaking out about it all. Coming back this January is almost like starting over in September: I have to hunt for jobs and housing. I have to sort out my classes (I haven't even gotten my grades from last term yet). I have to somehow start making money. Fast. And Lots of it.... I really don't know what I'm going to do. If I was doing this on my own, I'd be screwed right now. I mean, I'm just... terrified. I hate the idea of looking for a new place to live, because I've never had to do that before, and all I hear about is crappy landlords and leases from hell, leaky cielings and... arg. I understand that change is a part of life, and it's inevitable and all that, but that doesn't mean that I can't be scared about it. And mom's talking about it like it's nothing... Unless she's panicking about having to pay rent over the summer.
It's not really a huge deal. I mean, really, it isn't. We're all poor, after christmas, everyone is. And it's not like I need $5,000 right now today... I'll get OSAP when I get back, and I"ll get my income tax return in March. I just really, really, REALLY hate feeling like I've got nothing. I like to have money to do things. I like to be able to go out and buy my friends a beer. I like being able to do this, and my sister does it all the time. She works part time at a gym (has for a while now), yet she's always going out, and doing things, and buying stuff... I know that not all of that money is hers. I know it's not necessarily true, but sometimes it feels like when I want to do things, and I need to ask for help (which I also hate doing... I'd rather live in the woods for a month with nothing but a tent and a cocktail dress...), it seems like there's just not enough to go around.
That, and I'm starting to feel the "save now" panic... Some financial analyst once said that every Canadian should have 3 months living expenses tucked away for an emergency. I agree, and I really, really want to have some cash banked so that if something comes up, I can at least handle it financially. Besides, one day, I am going to want to go on a vacation to the Bahamas, or Retire, or take time off to travel. Right now, I have gas money to get me to North Bay, and maybe enough change for a coffee along the way. 3 Months living expenses for me looks something like this:
3 months rent (assuming rent wherever I go next is...say $500.00, just to be even): $1,500
3 months utilities (phone, internet, whatever; call it $100/month): $300
3 months medication (lets pretend I still have insurance at this point, $70/month): $210
3 months groceries: $150
3 months gas (@ $40/month if I really stretch it): $120
...3 months bare essentials living expenses: $2280.00... which I'd probably want to round up to $3000, to cover incidental costs like car problems, extra medical problems, extra gas, and the panic of what happens if it's more than 3 months? And, if I'm out of school, throw $120/month car insurance on that, raise the medication to $200/month (yeah, I know), plus OSAP, VISA and Credit Line Payments...
HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO THIS??? It doesn't really make sense, does it? It's really kind of terrifying, isn't it?
I do this every year, don't I?
I've gotten this crazy urge to go back over my old posts and throw lables on them, so I can reference old posts and things like that...So I guess I'll do that... then I guess we'll see.
December 30, 2006
A real NEWS post! YAY!
I'm back! I'm feeling slightly more human now, so I thought I'd post. You know, cause I do that sometimes.
So, Christmas has came and went. It was nice: small, relativly quiet, got some nice stuff...Including:
-digital camera! Only holds about 20 pics right now
-more memory for my computer! Sweet Jesus!!
-a brand new MP3 player. My old one was awesome, but we started having some technological issues a few months back... not to mention the fact that it's 4 years old. It was time for something new. So, this one holds about 600 songs. I gave the old one to my grandmother, who's just figured out MSN messenger...
-SOCKS! Sexy, comfy, soft socks. The fluffy kind. *melts*
-Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy (*squee!*)
-Seasons 1&2 of Family Guy (I have season 3)
-Season 1 of Futurama
-flat iron for my hair (so I can look polished like the rest of the family)
-gift certs for Second Cup (do we even have one in NB?), La Senza (woo hoo bras!!), Zellers and Suzy Shier
-a diamond/pink saphire bracelet from Dad (so pretty...)
-a neat tea set for one with cats on it from Ash and Josh
-enough chocolate to put me into insulin shock
And, a rather interesting bit of info from my parents... If I can continue paying $400 rent, they will cover the balance of a one bedroom apartment. Which is nice. So, mom's been going insane trying to find me a place. she even has an ad here for me to check out... She has northbayclassifieds bookmarked on her computer! It's wild! She actually found one that fits all of her "specifications", except that it's not secure-entry. It's somewhere across from the Tim Hortons/A&P area. She wants me to check it out as soon as I go back.
She also wants me to start job hunting when I get back... for summer. Like, she wants me to find something in my field (or close to it) in North Bay, that's going to pay about $10/hour. I want some of the crack she's smoking. I'll go to some of the employment centres (YES, there's a temp agency somewhere, etc...), but I doubt I'll find anything.
So, I guess it's back to the factory for me in 2007. Which, really, isn't so bad. I've got a guarenteed spot coming back, because they've decided that now they want 2 people in weigh-up on all shifts (right now, there's still one shift that runs on one person), and the girl who took my spot just discovered that she's pregnant, so she'll be starting Maternity leave sometime in the summer. PLUS, and here's the exciting bit, as of Jan.1/07, we all get a 3% raise, and I got my 6 month raise (finally... I've only been there 4 years...) so even out on the floor, I'll be making more than $12/hour. And there's roumer going around that we might be getting a new contract (it's actually confirmed, but not "official" yet), which means scads of overtime (not that there isn't already). I could make a mint this summer. Or, I could do something that will look decent on my resume when I finally graduate.
No, I haven't gotten my grades yet. Kinda disappointed by that. I'm hoping that they'll be here next week, or that they were mailed to the house in North Bay instead (if they were, and you read this Mike, can you send me a quick message to let me know?) I know I haven't failed anything, or I would have gotten that letter before exams. I still want to know how I'm doing though.
So, I have next week "off" (monday is a holiday, tuesday and wednesday I'm at home, thursday I'm heading back to NB, friday is ROAD TRIP TIME!!), so I'll be working on my Secret Project (yeah, I'm totally gonna keep teasing people with that), Flyers for the Vagina Monologues, just incase; the Nipissing Women's Centre got back to me, and they are willing to help, but I don't think anyone's actually organizing from that end... I haven't heard back from NUSU or CSRC people yet. And, I'll be working on Thank You Cards from the Com Org class... no one from that class has gotten back to me on anything yet. I really don't know what to do now... Especially since there is a group who's sole purpose was to use the money we raised to go shopping for gift certs... but that isn't supposed to happen until January. What if they don't do it? I don't have access to the account, and the people that do are only here for 3 weeks. Grr.
Saddam Hussien is dead. It's a good thing... but for some reason, it seems like it was for the wrong reasons... I don't think anything truly good will come of this.
Anyways, I'm off to bed. One last Family Christmas tomorrow. It's going to be...interesting. People may or may not die. There may or may not be shotguns. I may or may not be drunk. All in all, should make for a good day... or not.
Hope to hear from y'all soon!
So, Christmas has came and went. It was nice: small, relativly quiet, got some nice stuff...Including:
-digital camera! Only holds about 20 pics right now
-more memory for my computer! Sweet Jesus!!
-a brand new MP3 player. My old one was awesome, but we started having some technological issues a few months back... not to mention the fact that it's 4 years old. It was time for something new. So, this one holds about 600 songs. I gave the old one to my grandmother, who's just figured out MSN messenger...
-SOCKS! Sexy, comfy, soft socks. The fluffy kind. *melts*
-Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy (*squee!*)
-Seasons 1&2 of Family Guy (I have season 3)
-Season 1 of Futurama
-flat iron for my hair (so I can look polished like the rest of the family)
-gift certs for Second Cup (do we even have one in NB?), La Senza (woo hoo bras!!), Zellers and Suzy Shier
-a diamond/pink saphire bracelet from Dad (so pretty...)
-a neat tea set for one with cats on it from Ash and Josh
-enough chocolate to put me into insulin shock
And, a rather interesting bit of info from my parents... If I can continue paying $400 rent, they will cover the balance of a one bedroom apartment. Which is nice. So, mom's been going insane trying to find me a place. she even has an ad here for me to check out... She has northbayclassifieds bookmarked on her computer! It's wild! She actually found one that fits all of her "specifications", except that it's not secure-entry. It's somewhere across from the Tim Hortons/A&P area. She wants me to check it out as soon as I go back.
She also wants me to start job hunting when I get back... for summer. Like, she wants me to find something in my field (or close to it) in North Bay, that's going to pay about $10/hour. I want some of the crack she's smoking. I'll go to some of the employment centres (YES, there's a temp agency somewhere, etc...), but I doubt I'll find anything.
So, I guess it's back to the factory for me in 2007. Which, really, isn't so bad. I've got a guarenteed spot coming back, because they've decided that now they want 2 people in weigh-up on all shifts (right now, there's still one shift that runs on one person), and the girl who took my spot just discovered that she's pregnant, so she'll be starting Maternity leave sometime in the summer. PLUS, and here's the exciting bit, as of Jan.1/07, we all get a 3% raise, and I got my 6 month raise (finally... I've only been there 4 years...) so even out on the floor, I'll be making more than $12/hour. And there's roumer going around that we might be getting a new contract (it's actually confirmed, but not "official" yet), which means scads of overtime (not that there isn't already). I could make a mint this summer. Or, I could do something that will look decent on my resume when I finally graduate.
No, I haven't gotten my grades yet. Kinda disappointed by that. I'm hoping that they'll be here next week, or that they were mailed to the house in North Bay instead (if they were, and you read this Mike, can you send me a quick message to let me know?) I know I haven't failed anything, or I would have gotten that letter before exams. I still want to know how I'm doing though.
So, I have next week "off" (monday is a holiday, tuesday and wednesday I'm at home, thursday I'm heading back to NB, friday is ROAD TRIP TIME!!), so I'll be working on my Secret Project (yeah, I'm totally gonna keep teasing people with that), Flyers for the Vagina Monologues, just incase; the Nipissing Women's Centre got back to me, and they are willing to help, but I don't think anyone's actually organizing from that end... I haven't heard back from NUSU or CSRC people yet. And, I'll be working on Thank You Cards from the Com Org class... no one from that class has gotten back to me on anything yet. I really don't know what to do now... Especially since there is a group who's sole purpose was to use the money we raised to go shopping for gift certs... but that isn't supposed to happen until January. What if they don't do it? I don't have access to the account, and the people that do are only here for 3 weeks. Grr.
Saddam Hussien is dead. It's a good thing... but for some reason, it seems like it was for the wrong reasons... I don't think anything truly good will come of this.
Anyways, I'm off to bed. One last Family Christmas tomorrow. It's going to be...interesting. People may or may not die. There may or may not be shotguns. I may or may not be drunk. All in all, should make for a good day... or not.
Hope to hear from y'all soon!
November 19, 2006
Ack! Fner! *Dead.*
So much for weekend of working...
Things have gotten kinda looney, that's why I haven't been posting. There were assgnments and tests and parties... Ok, so it's my own fault, but there was craziness none the less.
People have been asking me why I haven't posted yet about the whole Kyle/NUSU/Fernley/CSRC/Meaghan/Moron fiasco. If you don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to email me and ask. Here's the reason why I'm keeping more tight lipped than usual about this.
I work at the NUSU/CSRC office. Canadore College is my current employer. Therefore, any statements I make can technically be seen as being representitive of NUSU/CSRC, and I don't want that kind of weight on my already sore head. Besides, Kyle, Sean, O'Doyle, even Fernley are people that I work with. They are acquaintences, even friends (not Fernley, but he's partly my boss...) and I don't feel right in taking a side. So, here's my official statement on the matter: I like Kyle. He's a good person. He's a good president. BUT, I haven't seen all the facts. Granted, it seems really, really out of character for Kyle to do what he was accused of (except for being late, but all execs are guilty of that...) But I can't say one way or another. I can't really get involved one way or another either, as I'm not a Nip Student. Same goes for Meaghan, even though I'm a Canadore student... I care that she lost her job, but I've heard some things that make me think that that wasn't an error... I've heard things to the contrary. I haven't seen any form of solid proof from either side proving anything.
Once something real, solid and unshakeable hits the deck, then I'll take a stance. Right now, I'll remain impartial.
Other than that, things are ok. The Silent Auction is progressing, there's a Raffle going on now, and there's talk of some other fundraising deals... Oi... they want to press this thing right upto december 8th. I think they're nuts. I think everyone (ok, ME) really, really needs a break.
School work is plugging along... It's a rough road though. Things don't always happen the way they should. Time... well, I'll leave it at that. I'm getting sick of repeating myself, and I know you're getting sick of it too. ;)
I've been practicing my interviewing skills. It's hard sometimes: we've learned a LOT in the last 3 months, and I find myself starting to forget some of the skills. That, and when I'm talking to people, I find I start sliding into the interviewing mode about halfway into the conversation, so I miss all the trust-building, introductory stuff. And, now I know how to end an interview, but It's just so hard to walk away sometimes. Especially when they want more: there's more questions, more things to explore. You can't just keep talking, but at the same time, sometimes you feel like you're shoeing someone away, and that that can make things worse. The hardest part for me is not interupting. I'm really bad for that.
Ugh... I just want a day off. I want a day where I can be caught up and done with everything. I want the satisfaction of realizing that there's nothing left on my to-do list, and that I've got it all done. But it never happens. I never get that moment of "ah...wow... I did it all." I don't get that shining moment where I stand in the middle of my (clean) bedroom with my (completed) homework, and smile and say: Finished! and then flop down on the bed. It just gets further and further away. And when I think I'm getting close, it's 3am, and I'm losing my mind. And I'm still not done. Or, at least it feels like 3am.
I don't know where to go from here. I want that satisfaction, but my body just can't take the stress anymore. I think it's possible to die of exhaustion... It seems like it would make sense. Your body doesn't rest, so it just shuts down bit by bit... Gah.
I don't know... I just can't keep it up anymore. We'll see what happens... I mean, things are starting to get lighter, but... gah. It's just a lot. That's all.
It's 9.30pm... I should probably get my homework for tomorrow done. It shouldn't take me long. Then I should do laundry and dishes. And I need to at least clean my room a little...
God, what a night.
Things have gotten kinda looney, that's why I haven't been posting. There were assgnments and tests and parties... Ok, so it's my own fault, but there was craziness none the less.
People have been asking me why I haven't posted yet about the whole Kyle/NUSU/Fernley/CSRC/Meaghan/Moron fiasco. If you don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to email me and ask. Here's the reason why I'm keeping more tight lipped than usual about this.
I work at the NUSU/CSRC office. Canadore College is my current employer. Therefore, any statements I make can technically be seen as being representitive of NUSU/CSRC, and I don't want that kind of weight on my already sore head. Besides, Kyle, Sean, O'Doyle, even Fernley are people that I work with. They are acquaintences, even friends (not Fernley, but he's partly my boss...) and I don't feel right in taking a side. So, here's my official statement on the matter: I like Kyle. He's a good person. He's a good president. BUT, I haven't seen all the facts. Granted, it seems really, really out of character for Kyle to do what he was accused of (except for being late, but all execs are guilty of that...) But I can't say one way or another. I can't really get involved one way or another either, as I'm not a Nip Student. Same goes for Meaghan, even though I'm a Canadore student... I care that she lost her job, but I've heard some things that make me think that that wasn't an error... I've heard things to the contrary. I haven't seen any form of solid proof from either side proving anything.
Once something real, solid and unshakeable hits the deck, then I'll take a stance. Right now, I'll remain impartial.
Other than that, things are ok. The Silent Auction is progressing, there's a Raffle going on now, and there's talk of some other fundraising deals... Oi... they want to press this thing right upto december 8th. I think they're nuts. I think everyone (ok, ME) really, really needs a break.
School work is plugging along... It's a rough road though. Things don't always happen the way they should. Time... well, I'll leave it at that. I'm getting sick of repeating myself, and I know you're getting sick of it too. ;)
I've been practicing my interviewing skills. It's hard sometimes: we've learned a LOT in the last 3 months, and I find myself starting to forget some of the skills. That, and when I'm talking to people, I find I start sliding into the interviewing mode about halfway into the conversation, so I miss all the trust-building, introductory stuff. And, now I know how to end an interview, but It's just so hard to walk away sometimes. Especially when they want more: there's more questions, more things to explore. You can't just keep talking, but at the same time, sometimes you feel like you're shoeing someone away, and that that can make things worse. The hardest part for me is not interupting. I'm really bad for that.
Ugh... I just want a day off. I want a day where I can be caught up and done with everything. I want the satisfaction of realizing that there's nothing left on my to-do list, and that I've got it all done. But it never happens. I never get that moment of "ah...wow... I did it all." I don't get that shining moment where I stand in the middle of my (clean) bedroom with my (completed) homework, and smile and say: Finished! and then flop down on the bed. It just gets further and further away. And when I think I'm getting close, it's 3am, and I'm losing my mind. And I'm still not done. Or, at least it feels like 3am.
I don't know where to go from here. I want that satisfaction, but my body just can't take the stress anymore. I think it's possible to die of exhaustion... It seems like it would make sense. Your body doesn't rest, so it just shuts down bit by bit... Gah.
I don't know... I just can't keep it up anymore. We'll see what happens... I mean, things are starting to get lighter, but... gah. It's just a lot. That's all.
It's 9.30pm... I should probably get my homework for tomorrow done. It shouldn't take me long. Then I should do laundry and dishes. And I need to at least clean my room a little...
God, what a night.
August 31, 2006
Accent *this*!
So I'm working on my resume. I can't remember how to get the proper accent for "resume", so if anyone out there knows, clue me in and I'll fix that...
Anyways, It's currently 2 pages, 12pt font for headings, 10pt font for text, Garamond font for the whole thing (because it looks prettier than Times). The first page is work experiance, which was trimmed down from its original 2 pages. The second page is entierly volunteer work, because my volunteer experiance is much, MUCH more interesting, and shows more skills that an employer might value, than any real, paying job I've ever had. I'm still editing, because I don't know if it looks professional enough. If you'd like to edit for me (or get a cheap laugh at the amount of crap I've actually put up with so far), please let me know. More eyes make for better chances of employment.
I could go back to the Lucky and save myself the hassle. However, I've done that for the last 2 years, and it doesn't really make me happy. Besides, I'd be better off polishing my people skills and earning minimum wage than making burgers and (aparently) tacos and selling old men lotto and tobacco.
I'm thinking about changing the layout of my blog. The lighthouse is pretty, but it's getting old. It's just strange, though... I'm kinda nostalgic for it. That, and none of the other templates really stand out to me. I'll wait and see, I guess.
Also, I finally found Papaya Enzyme! They have it at the Guardian on Algonquin, and the small bottle I have cost less than $5, which is perfect. So, I take the Apple Cider Vinager before I eat, and the Papaya after. Maybe I'll finally be able to shed the Effexor weight after all! And if not, my digestive system will totally kick your digestive system's ass.
Tomorrow I'll be making my first venture onto campus. It should have been today, but tooling around town in Vanessa's swanky new car was MUCH more enjoyable. But, there will be an excursion tomorrow. And y'all know what that means... Time for....
A LIST! Here's what I have to do tomorrow:
-get proof of registration for the bank and dad's insurance company.
-prove to the registrar that there's no need for me to take a writing test.
-get at least 2 appointments with Dr. Gooderham. One for the yearly once-over, and another because I need a 2-step TB test for class, I need her to make sure I have up-to-date annoculations, and I probably will have to get a flu-shot, even though I've never needed one before, and I'd like to get that overwith.
-I should get a bus pass. I'm not getting a parking pass, and I'm not walking 1.5 hours (45min up hill...), so it just makes sense.
-I'm going to pick up a Canadore Ontario Student Works Application, just incase there's a chance that they have a job I could do.
-I want to buy some of my books. Problem is, I don't know yet exactly what courses I'll be required to take, and what I'll be exempt from, so maybe that's not the best Idea. I'm not sure about the return policy, and how bad that might screw me over. There are a few courses I'll likely have to take, but I don't want to spend $200 on a text book I don't need.
That's it, really. Game was moved to Monday because of Rez activities for Heather and the other Lacey, so I'm Free as a Bird on Saturday. So, please, call. MSN me. I even have AOL Instant Messagner if that's your fancy. Because we all know that if someone doesn't motivate me to go out, I'll just stay here all night, reading obscure webcomics and posting on ZetaChannel.
And no one wants that.
Anyways, It's currently 2 pages, 12pt font for headings, 10pt font for text, Garamond font for the whole thing (because it looks prettier than Times). The first page is work experiance, which was trimmed down from its original 2 pages. The second page is entierly volunteer work, because my volunteer experiance is much, MUCH more interesting, and shows more skills that an employer might value, than any real, paying job I've ever had. I'm still editing, because I don't know if it looks professional enough. If you'd like to edit for me (or get a cheap laugh at the amount of crap I've actually put up with so far), please let me know. More eyes make for better chances of employment.
I could go back to the Lucky and save myself the hassle. However, I've done that for the last 2 years, and it doesn't really make me happy. Besides, I'd be better off polishing my people skills and earning minimum wage than making burgers and (aparently) tacos and selling old men lotto and tobacco.
I'm thinking about changing the layout of my blog. The lighthouse is pretty, but it's getting old. It's just strange, though... I'm kinda nostalgic for it. That, and none of the other templates really stand out to me. I'll wait and see, I guess.
Also, I finally found Papaya Enzyme! They have it at the Guardian on Algonquin, and the small bottle I have cost less than $5, which is perfect. So, I take the Apple Cider Vinager before I eat, and the Papaya after. Maybe I'll finally be able to shed the Effexor weight after all! And if not, my digestive system will totally kick your digestive system's ass.
Tomorrow I'll be making my first venture onto campus. It should have been today, but tooling around town in Vanessa's swanky new car was MUCH more enjoyable. But, there will be an excursion tomorrow. And y'all know what that means... Time for....
A LIST! Here's what I have to do tomorrow:
-get proof of registration for the bank and dad's insurance company.
-prove to the registrar that there's no need for me to take a writing test.
-get at least 2 appointments with Dr. Gooderham. One for the yearly once-over, and another because I need a 2-step TB test for class, I need her to make sure I have up-to-date annoculations, and I probably will have to get a flu-shot, even though I've never needed one before, and I'd like to get that overwith.
-I should get a bus pass. I'm not getting a parking pass, and I'm not walking 1.5 hours (45min up hill...), so it just makes sense.
-I'm going to pick up a Canadore Ontario Student Works Application, just incase there's a chance that they have a job I could do.
-I want to buy some of my books. Problem is, I don't know yet exactly what courses I'll be required to take, and what I'll be exempt from, so maybe that's not the best Idea. I'm not sure about the return policy, and how bad that might screw me over. There are a few courses I'll likely have to take, but I don't want to spend $200 on a text book I don't need.
That's it, really. Game was moved to Monday because of Rez activities for Heather and the other Lacey, so I'm Free as a Bird on Saturday. So, please, call. MSN me. I even have AOL Instant Messagner if that's your fancy. Because we all know that if someone doesn't motivate me to go out, I'll just stay here all night, reading obscure webcomics and posting on ZetaChannel.
And no one wants that.
November 6, 2005
Urge to Kill...Rising...Rising...
Red Alert.
I've said it a dozen times now: It is not possible to do a proper close and thorough clean-up of the resteraunt in 30 minutes. It just does not work that way, especially when you are serving customers right up to 7pm, and it takes 5-10 minutes just to till off.
Now they want us to do it in 15.
FUCK.
It took me an hour to get the majority of my chores done, that's 45 minutes longer than I was schedualed to be there, and that I WON'T get paid for. And the kitchen is still a mess. I didn't get time to sweep, mop or prep veggies for the next day.
As I understand it, the girls are starting to close at 6pm in order to be gone by 7.15pm. But that's just not the way I work. If you sweep/mop and do dishes before you close, you will just have to do it again before you leave. And I like to be sure that everything is cleaned and put away PROPERLY before I leave. I like to have extra meat, bread and veggies pulled and prepped for the next day. I like to be sure that there's enough pogo batter, gravy and soup for the next day. And, I totally agree that the kitchen should be clean (read: immaculate) and organized at the end of the day.
But in 15 minutes? Um... no. Maybe if there was 2 people there. Maybe if we stopped serving at 6.45, giving us time to shut the fryers down and clean the grills before we till off. probably if the boys did the sweep/mop at the end of their shift, as well as the rest of the store. But it doesn't happen that way, so the kitchen is left dirty, and I come home fustrated and pissed off because I feel I've done a half assed job, and it LOOKS like I"ve done a half assed job, even though I worked like a friggin dog to get what I got done.
The Julies have already threatened to write people up because the resteraunt has been left a mess before. I understand, really I do, but I"m only one person, and maybe I'm just too slow to be back there for a close.
At this point though, if they write me up, I walk.
I've said it a dozen times now: It is not possible to do a proper close and thorough clean-up of the resteraunt in 30 minutes. It just does not work that way, especially when you are serving customers right up to 7pm, and it takes 5-10 minutes just to till off.
Now they want us to do it in 15.
FUCK.
It took me an hour to get the majority of my chores done, that's 45 minutes longer than I was schedualed to be there, and that I WON'T get paid for. And the kitchen is still a mess. I didn't get time to sweep, mop or prep veggies for the next day.
As I understand it, the girls are starting to close at 6pm in order to be gone by 7.15pm. But that's just not the way I work. If you sweep/mop and do dishes before you close, you will just have to do it again before you leave. And I like to be sure that everything is cleaned and put away PROPERLY before I leave. I like to have extra meat, bread and veggies pulled and prepped for the next day. I like to be sure that there's enough pogo batter, gravy and soup for the next day. And, I totally agree that the kitchen should be clean (read: immaculate) and organized at the end of the day.
But in 15 minutes? Um... no. Maybe if there was 2 people there. Maybe if we stopped serving at 6.45, giving us time to shut the fryers down and clean the grills before we till off. probably if the boys did the sweep/mop at the end of their shift, as well as the rest of the store. But it doesn't happen that way, so the kitchen is left dirty, and I come home fustrated and pissed off because I feel I've done a half assed job, and it LOOKS like I"ve done a half assed job, even though I worked like a friggin dog to get what I got done.
The Julies have already threatened to write people up because the resteraunt has been left a mess before. I understand, really I do, but I"m only one person, and maybe I'm just too slow to be back there for a close.
At this point though, if they write me up, I walk.
September 19, 2005
The Humming Bird (overcafeinated edition)
Whoa.
So, I had a pretty awsome weekend. Lots of work, lots of running around, and lots of time spent with Nathan. I actually spent the majority of the weekend at his new house, which is beautiful (with the exception of the "Happy Room", which is a bit too technicolour for my liking).
Today, however, I realized (thanks to a little Sarah-bird) that I haven't been spending nearly enough time with my other friends. Not to mention that already my readings are piling up, and little things are again falling by the wayside. I'm going to have to start seriously budgeting my time. For real, this time. I mean, it's bad enough that I feel like I haven't been home in weeks, but I've missed out on Magic gatherings, I'm becoming a ghost to Vanessa, and Sarah nearly shot me when I told her I was going out of town next weekend (Nathan and I are going to Chisolm to meet his father). Plus work is insane, what with the money issues and lack of staffing, and I have my own projects, like this blog and my writing, that have taken a boot to the head. And I haven't talked to mom in over a week. That's just sad!
Therefore, today, I'm going to get at least 2 small projects and tomorrow's reading out of the way, and maybe jump on another project and some journal entries. Pieces at a time is the only way I'm going to get this done, even if it means a few pre-emptive all nighters.
Today's main tasks:
1. Article for Hibou
2. Answers to PSL heterosexuality page
3. readings for PSL
4. Journal entries: Romance
5. Readings: Romance (there are like, 10 that I haven't done yet...)
Tomorrow is Home-Work day, but it's being cut short: Nathan is taking me shopping at 6pm. I highly, HIGHLY doubt that it will run the whole night or anything, so I should be able to get the following done:
**I need to cancel my Dr.'s appt. I tried to do that just now, but low and behold, the Campus health centre doesn't have an answering machine! I I have to be at the school for about 9am to cancel and re-book my appointment. Boo-urns.
1. more laundry (I need to wash my sheets)
2. More Romance Readings
3. Kid Lit Readings/presentation
4. Journal Entries: Kid Lit
5. Readings for Drama
I want to look ahead and figure out what else needs to be done, but I'm afraid to. I may have an anurism. I know I have massive readings to do, and I know I have monumental projects to work on, and I'm almost certain that I'm forgetting something, but this will have to do. One person can only do so much.
Lastly, a big hug to Josh, who is acting as my TiVo, and downloading all my favorite shows so I don't miss anything. What a sweetie! And also to Mike, for not yet chasing me for rent money, and for the phrase: "This too shall pass".
Story of my Life...
So, I had a pretty awsome weekend. Lots of work, lots of running around, and lots of time spent with Nathan. I actually spent the majority of the weekend at his new house, which is beautiful (with the exception of the "Happy Room", which is a bit too technicolour for my liking).
Today, however, I realized (thanks to a little Sarah-bird) that I haven't been spending nearly enough time with my other friends. Not to mention that already my readings are piling up, and little things are again falling by the wayside. I'm going to have to start seriously budgeting my time. For real, this time. I mean, it's bad enough that I feel like I haven't been home in weeks, but I've missed out on Magic gatherings, I'm becoming a ghost to Vanessa, and Sarah nearly shot me when I told her I was going out of town next weekend (Nathan and I are going to Chisolm to meet his father). Plus work is insane, what with the money issues and lack of staffing, and I have my own projects, like this blog and my writing, that have taken a boot to the head. And I haven't talked to mom in over a week. That's just sad!
Therefore, today, I'm going to get at least 2 small projects and tomorrow's reading out of the way, and maybe jump on another project and some journal entries. Pieces at a time is the only way I'm going to get this done, even if it means a few pre-emptive all nighters.
Today's main tasks:
1. Article for Hibou
2. Answers to PSL heterosexuality page
3. readings for PSL
4. Journal entries: Romance
5. Readings: Romance (there are like, 10 that I haven't done yet...)
Tomorrow is Home-Work day, but it's being cut short: Nathan is taking me shopping at 6pm. I highly, HIGHLY doubt that it will run the whole night or anything, so I should be able to get the following done:
**I need to cancel my Dr.'s appt. I tried to do that just now, but low and behold, the Campus health centre doesn't have an answering machine! I I have to be at the school for about 9am to cancel and re-book my appointment. Boo-urns.
1. more laundry (I need to wash my sheets)
2. More Romance Readings
3. Kid Lit Readings/presentation
4. Journal Entries: Kid Lit
5. Readings for Drama
I want to look ahead and figure out what else needs to be done, but I'm afraid to. I may have an anurism. I know I have massive readings to do, and I know I have monumental projects to work on, and I'm almost certain that I'm forgetting something, but this will have to do. One person can only do so much.
Lastly, a big hug to Josh, who is acting as my TiVo, and downloading all my favorite shows so I don't miss anything. What a sweetie! And also to Mike, for not yet chasing me for rent money, and for the phrase: "This too shall pass".
Story of my Life...
September 15, 2005
How to catch a Sparky
Ok, so there's been some "issues" at the Lucky... 2 people have been fired/quit since I left, and I now have the highest seniority at the store... Cool. Well, not really...this means I have more shifts than I know what to do with.
That said, I'm not going to be here a lot. I'll update when I can, but I'm thinking that between readings, journals, work and "social committments", well, it won't be as often as it has been. Sorry.
So, if you need to get a hold of me, you have a few options.
1)Leave a comment: Blogger emails me when I get a comment, so I will see it.
2)Email: SparkyintheSnow (at) gmail (dot) com. Gmail now has a notifier, which I have, that tells me instantly when I get new mail.
3)AIM: yeah, I'm on AIM now... My name is sparkyinthesnow. It's mostly there for RPGs from Xforums (which I likely won't have the time for now...poo), but if people want to communicate that way, cool.
4)Those of you with my number: feel free to call. Mike's really good about giving me messages, and I will come home at night, so I can get them that way.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are still tentativly booked as "me" nights, so I'll try and post on one of those dates, if not Sundays, pre-game.
Well, I've got to go, work and all... Best of luck to those like me, buried in readings and questioning their sanity.
You're not alone!!
That said, I'm not going to be here a lot. I'll update when I can, but I'm thinking that between readings, journals, work and "social committments", well, it won't be as often as it has been. Sorry.
So, if you need to get a hold of me, you have a few options.
1)Leave a comment: Blogger emails me when I get a comment, so I will see it.
2)Email: SparkyintheSnow (at) gmail (dot) com. Gmail now has a notifier, which I have, that tells me instantly when I get new mail.
3)AIM: yeah, I'm on AIM now... My name is sparkyinthesnow. It's mostly there for RPGs from Xforums (which I likely won't have the time for now...poo), but if people want to communicate that way, cool.
4)Those of you with my number: feel free to call. Mike's really good about giving me messages, and I will come home at night, so I can get them that way.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are still tentativly booked as "me" nights, so I'll try and post on one of those dates, if not Sundays, pre-game.
Well, I've got to go, work and all... Best of luck to those like me, buried in readings and questioning their sanity.
You're not alone!!
September 9, 2005
Mushed up mini-posts...
I'll try and keep this short, as I have to be up in less than 7 hours...
First, I think I'm slipping as a roomate. I *really* don't want to be a bad roomate... I'd hate more than anything to have Mike or Josh mad at me: I respect Mike more than anyone else, and Josh is just a sweetheart! So that's something I'll have to work on.
Second, I'm working noon-close tomorrow, which makes for a pretty damned cool first week. Though, I have no clue when I'll get paid for this...
Third, saw Nathan again last night. No, he doens't have the address for this yet. We talked a bit, and he is more than ok with us taking things slow. He's promised me up and down that he's not insane or creepy, and that he won't just use me for sex and toss me aside. Though I've heard all of those things before, I think I'll trust him on this... for now. I'm nervous about how he'll get on with my friends, but that's something I'll just have to wait and see on.
Fourth, MAJOR congratulations to my sister, Ash, who, without knowing it, got a scholarship at Brock which covered her first bit of tuition! YAYS!!
Fifth, for those of you who haven't been reading the "comments", there's been a bit of dialogue going on between myself and "anonymous" aka "guy in the ____ row". He hasn't identified himself to me yet, which I find interesting. In any case, I wanted to say that I wish I could re-assure you that I'm really trying to get a better handle on my "wants" and "needs" and whatnot, and that... I don't know, right now, I"m pretty much ok. I think. I hate to think I'm hurting you by trying to go through life (as much as I tend to trip and fall), but please, don't worry. Everyone screws up, Everyone moves on, and Everybody hurts...sometimes. Really, this blog was meant for the times when the hurt was bigger, but now it's just a real journal. And I'll always take advice, wherever I can get it. :)
Ok, now I"m babbling, so I'm off to bed. If I've missed something, or whatev, I'll post about it Saturday. Check back then!
First, I think I'm slipping as a roomate. I *really* don't want to be a bad roomate... I'd hate more than anything to have Mike or Josh mad at me: I respect Mike more than anyone else, and Josh is just a sweetheart! So that's something I'll have to work on.
Second, I'm working noon-close tomorrow, which makes for a pretty damned cool first week. Though, I have no clue when I'll get paid for this...
Third, saw Nathan again last night. No, he doens't have the address for this yet. We talked a bit, and he is more than ok with us taking things slow. He's promised me up and down that he's not insane or creepy, and that he won't just use me for sex and toss me aside. Though I've heard all of those things before, I think I'll trust him on this... for now. I'm nervous about how he'll get on with my friends, but that's something I'll just have to wait and see on.
Fourth, MAJOR congratulations to my sister, Ash, who, without knowing it, got a scholarship at Brock which covered her first bit of tuition! YAYS!!
Fifth, for those of you who haven't been reading the "comments", there's been a bit of dialogue going on between myself and "anonymous" aka "guy in the ____ row". He hasn't identified himself to me yet, which I find interesting. In any case, I wanted to say that I wish I could re-assure you that I'm really trying to get a better handle on my "wants" and "needs" and whatnot, and that... I don't know, right now, I"m pretty much ok. I think. I hate to think I'm hurting you by trying to go through life (as much as I tend to trip and fall), but please, don't worry. Everyone screws up, Everyone moves on, and Everybody hurts...sometimes. Really, this blog was meant for the times when the hurt was bigger, but now it's just a real journal. And I'll always take advice, wherever I can get it. :)
Ok, now I"m babbling, so I'm off to bed. If I've missed something, or whatev, I'll post about it Saturday. Check back then!
September 8, 2005
...WTF?
Here's the deal:
A couple of very, very strange things happened to me last night. First, I not only have my old job back, but in 2 days, I will have racked up 17 hours, which is a lot, really...
And second, and this is the one I'm having issue with: I have a boyfriend.
Yeah, I'm as confused as the rest of you.
I met Nathaniel yesterday just before my shift. We worked together for 6 hours, and, yeah there was flirting, but there always is, so I didn't think too much of it. Then we went to Fionns after work (and were dubbed "the lovebirds" by a couple of older women) And to the beach after Fionns. We climbed out to the lighthouse, and after a bit of chatting, he looked at me and said (in an Irish accent (he's Scotts-Irish)) "So, you wouldn't mind bein' my girl then?"
I said I wouldn't mind at all.
He's hilarious, deeply spiritual, affectionate and has beautiful eyes. But something about this whole thing has me off-balance. Maybe it's that it became a relationship pretty friggin fast. Maybe it's that I just got comfortable being single. Maybe it's the fact that this compleatly blindsided me... I mean, I was just there to cover a shift!
For now, I think I'm just going to play it "low". Not cold, but I don't want to go leaping blindly into this either...So maybe holding back and waiting for the rest of me to catch up will work out for the best.
Bizarre.
Update as of 3.45pm: After discussion with Mike, I'm going to talk to Nate and let him know that we need to slow things the hell down. I mean, he may be a great guy, but really, I know nothing about him. And I have that pesky problem of "Stars in your Eyes"... Everything just seems too good to be real. I would like to date him, just... in time. Not yet.
A couple of very, very strange things happened to me last night. First, I not only have my old job back, but in 2 days, I will have racked up 17 hours, which is a lot, really...
And second, and this is the one I'm having issue with: I have a boyfriend.
Yeah, I'm as confused as the rest of you.
I met Nathaniel yesterday just before my shift. We worked together for 6 hours, and, yeah there was flirting, but there always is, so I didn't think too much of it. Then we went to Fionns after work (and were dubbed "the lovebirds" by a couple of older women) And to the beach after Fionns. We climbed out to the lighthouse, and after a bit of chatting, he looked at me and said (in an Irish accent (he's Scotts-Irish)) "So, you wouldn't mind bein' my girl then?"
I said I wouldn't mind at all.
He's hilarious, deeply spiritual, affectionate and has beautiful eyes. But something about this whole thing has me off-balance. Maybe it's that it became a relationship pretty friggin fast. Maybe it's that I just got comfortable being single. Maybe it's the fact that this compleatly blindsided me... I mean, I was just there to cover a shift!
For now, I think I'm just going to play it "low". Not cold, but I don't want to go leaping blindly into this either...So maybe holding back and waiting for the rest of me to catch up will work out for the best.
Bizarre.
Update as of 3.45pm: After discussion with Mike, I'm going to talk to Nate and let him know that we need to slow things the hell down. I mean, he may be a great guy, but really, I know nothing about him. And I have that pesky problem of "Stars in your Eyes"... Everything just seems too good to be real. I would like to date him, just... in time. Not yet.
September 1, 2005
New Sun Rising
And tomorrow beings a new day.
You know, it would have been more fitting to do this yesterday, as it would have been the beginning of the month, new school year, all that, but no worries. September 2nd will have to do.
Yes, ladies and gentalmen, He's gone. "Letting Go" should have said that much, but this time I'm sober, and I mean it. Todd K. Wells is out of my life for good. Off the contact list, out of the address book, out of the city, Buh-bye!
Granted, I would rather have done it in person. I don't think he understood the subtlties of what I was saying. Actually, I told him outright that the next time I saw him I'd rip his balls off, and he didn't get that either. And he rolled over and took it! No spine at all, that one. I'd feel bad for him if I cared about him anymore, but I've disovered something.
You see, children, there's a thing some people experiance, that is so like love, that a person can easily convince themselves that it is the real deal. This is called Obsession. Calvin Klein even named a fragrance after it! Obsession makes a person think about someone so much, only in positive lights, that their very presence consumes their existence. Sort of like Love, only it's usually one-sided, and fizzles out after a few weeks. I, unfortunatly, was under that spell for 3 years. 3 years where this person gave me value, and only the affectoin he so sparingly afforded me would cure the wounds in my ego. Or...id. Maybe Superego... I'm not exactly freudian.
In any case, I've developed a better sense of self worth recently (obviously) and realized that this "Love" I felt so deeply was to a man with no respect for me. The night of the Naked Hot-Tub Party(tm), knowing that Vanessa heard everything, he had sex with me in the bathroom, left the condom for all to see, and then crawled into bed with her, while I slept on the couch. And any number of times, he forgot about me for other, prettier, YOUNGER girls, which is really quite sad, as I'm only 21. Every time I tried to convince him that I really did care, he shot back some glib remark about how "no one could love a man like me", "I'm so horribly flawed", "You deserve better", "whaa...". I was just too blind to see what a shallow player this boy was.
And now, I've very much moved on with my life. I don't have someone else, but I don't need someone else. Not now, with so much going on in my life. Not with so much happiness and real love to give to someone who both needs and deserves it.
So, now, with that THAT emotional baggage is in the compacter, where it belongs, on to bigger and better things!
Well... not really. I spent most of the day in bed watching House. It's a FANTASTIC series. And I got some more reading done, which was nice, and another couple jobs came through NipWork that I'm debating... But here's my dilemma:
What if I go for NipWork, which pays at most $75/week, before tax, and I get something with Zellars, or Staples, or the Lucky? I mean, NipWork would be a LOT more fun! And I wouldn't have to take off my reading weeks/holidays, and I'd be right at the school, BUT there's no guarentee that I'll actually get it. I can only apply for 5 jobs out of about 60 that are currently posted (and some of those are skill-specific), and only accept 1. And, there's already been about 100 people accepted to the program. So, maybe I'll get lucky this year. Or, I'll take my resume into Passionate Kisses, and see what happens there! lol.
Blah, blah, blah... I wish I had something more exciting to report, but that's pretty much it. The Trews wasn't bad... I had a great time with Vanessa. We spent most of the night (through the whole concert, actually) sitting out, talking... We actually do have a lot in common. Aside from the fact that until last year, we both pretty much hated each other. Funny how that works out!
Anyways, back to House. And hopefully something more fun will happen tomorrow.
You know, it would have been more fitting to do this yesterday, as it would have been the beginning of the month, new school year, all that, but no worries. September 2nd will have to do.
Yes, ladies and gentalmen, He's gone. "Letting Go" should have said that much, but this time I'm sober, and I mean it. Todd K. Wells is out of my life for good. Off the contact list, out of the address book, out of the city, Buh-bye!
Granted, I would rather have done it in person. I don't think he understood the subtlties of what I was saying. Actually, I told him outright that the next time I saw him I'd rip his balls off, and he didn't get that either. And he rolled over and took it! No spine at all, that one. I'd feel bad for him if I cared about him anymore, but I've disovered something.
You see, children, there's a thing some people experiance, that is so like love, that a person can easily convince themselves that it is the real deal. This is called Obsession. Calvin Klein even named a fragrance after it! Obsession makes a person think about someone so much, only in positive lights, that their very presence consumes their existence. Sort of like Love, only it's usually one-sided, and fizzles out after a few weeks. I, unfortunatly, was under that spell for 3 years. 3 years where this person gave me value, and only the affectoin he so sparingly afforded me would cure the wounds in my ego. Or...id. Maybe Superego... I'm not exactly freudian.
In any case, I've developed a better sense of self worth recently (obviously) and realized that this "Love" I felt so deeply was to a man with no respect for me. The night of the Naked Hot-Tub Party(tm), knowing that Vanessa heard everything, he had sex with me in the bathroom, left the condom for all to see, and then crawled into bed with her, while I slept on the couch. And any number of times, he forgot about me for other, prettier, YOUNGER girls, which is really quite sad, as I'm only 21. Every time I tried to convince him that I really did care, he shot back some glib remark about how "no one could love a man like me", "I'm so horribly flawed", "You deserve better", "whaa...". I was just too blind to see what a shallow player this boy was.
And now, I've very much moved on with my life. I don't have someone else, but I don't need someone else. Not now, with so much going on in my life. Not with so much happiness and real love to give to someone who both needs and deserves it.
So, now, with that THAT emotional baggage is in the compacter, where it belongs, on to bigger and better things!
Well... not really. I spent most of the day in bed watching House. It's a FANTASTIC series. And I got some more reading done, which was nice, and another couple jobs came through NipWork that I'm debating... But here's my dilemma:
What if I go for NipWork, which pays at most $75/week, before tax, and I get something with Zellars, or Staples, or the Lucky? I mean, NipWork would be a LOT more fun! And I wouldn't have to take off my reading weeks/holidays, and I'd be right at the school, BUT there's no guarentee that I'll actually get it. I can only apply for 5 jobs out of about 60 that are currently posted (and some of those are skill-specific), and only accept 1. And, there's already been about 100 people accepted to the program. So, maybe I'll get lucky this year. Or, I'll take my resume into Passionate Kisses, and see what happens there! lol.
Blah, blah, blah... I wish I had something more exciting to report, but that's pretty much it. The Trews wasn't bad... I had a great time with Vanessa. We spent most of the night (through the whole concert, actually) sitting out, talking... We actually do have a lot in common. Aside from the fact that until last year, we both pretty much hated each other. Funny how that works out!
Anyways, back to House. And hopefully something more fun will happen tomorrow.
August 31, 2005
This is me: Broke
Well, crap.
I went to the campus Bookstore today. Blarg. I thought I'd only be spending another $100, maybe $200 on books. I mean, I can swing that. It'll be tight until I get word from Staples, Zellers, or the Lucky, or Nipwork or something, but Mike's going to give me some work next week, so all should have been well!
I was wrong.
My Learning Text: $116
My Psych of Ed. Test: $104
My Philosophy Course Pack: Not yet available (print plus is swamped), but it can't be less than $35
The Wadsworth Anthology of Drama: $110
Le Morte Darthur, Pilgrim's Progress, Castle of Otranto, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring: All not yet available, but allow me to guess: $25, $20, $20, $20
Totaling at least: $450. At LEAST. Ow.
I bought 2 of the books I needed today, which is why they're not included in the total above: Sir Gawain and Symposium. They're thin, probably not difficult reads, but I still spent about $35. And I'm going to Allisons tomorrow to see if I can still get the Tempest for a dollar.
So, yeah. I'm poor, looking to get poor-er. At least I've got prospects...
The Lucky is going self-serve, but the resteraunt will be opening for Breakfast, so weekends will be busier, and I told them I can work weekends, fridays and thursday mornings. So hopefully something will come of that, But Julie 2 said I probably won't hear back for 2 weeks. Staples told me that if I don't hear by this time next week, to come in and see what the deal is, and Zellers said I should hear within a week, as they are hiring. And I should see something from Nipwork soon, because the closing date for most jobs is Sept 16. But, if all else fails, Mike has already said that I can do nit-picky cleaning jobs here and there, and he'll put me on any show I want. Which is a total Bonus. There's nothing coming in until the end of September though, which kinda sucks, but it will give me christmas cash.
I've finished Harry Potter, which I liked muchly, and am now onto Little Women. I think I'm looking at a longer version than what was in the book store, but that's ok. The content should be the same. Should be... It's actually not a bad read. I've already gotten a good chunk read, and I'll have tomorrow to get more done before people start moving back up. So, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but I'm doing well, concidering that I haven't read anything from start to finish (except Nora Roberts), since... last year? Something like that.
I kinda stopped stretching, and I think I need to start up again. I haven't been sleeping well, and I keep getting cramps in my legs, and in my side if I walk too fast. I'm not sure how much I like that, or how much of a difference the stretching was actually making. And, I've kinda pigged out the last couple days, so those extra pounds are starting to creep back on, which I"m not terribly thrilled with.
Anyways, I bought more hangers, so I should start hanging up the last of my clothes. And the washer and dryer are coming today, so Mike and his dad are downstairs arguing over property values and insurance.
I'm going to make myself scarce...
I went to the campus Bookstore today. Blarg. I thought I'd only be spending another $100, maybe $200 on books. I mean, I can swing that. It'll be tight until I get word from Staples, Zellers, or the Lucky, or Nipwork or something, but Mike's going to give me some work next week, so all should have been well!
I was wrong.
My Learning Text: $116
My Psych of Ed. Test: $104
My Philosophy Course Pack: Not yet available (print plus is swamped), but it can't be less than $35
The Wadsworth Anthology of Drama: $110
Le Morte Darthur, Pilgrim's Progress, Castle of Otranto, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring: All not yet available, but allow me to guess: $25, $20, $20, $20
Totaling at least: $450. At LEAST. Ow.
I bought 2 of the books I needed today, which is why they're not included in the total above: Sir Gawain and Symposium. They're thin, probably not difficult reads, but I still spent about $35. And I'm going to Allisons tomorrow to see if I can still get the Tempest for a dollar.
So, yeah. I'm poor, looking to get poor-er. At least I've got prospects...
The Lucky is going self-serve, but the resteraunt will be opening for Breakfast, so weekends will be busier, and I told them I can work weekends, fridays and thursday mornings. So hopefully something will come of that, But Julie 2 said I probably won't hear back for 2 weeks. Staples told me that if I don't hear by this time next week, to come in and see what the deal is, and Zellers said I should hear within a week, as they are hiring. And I should see something from Nipwork soon, because the closing date for most jobs is Sept 16. But, if all else fails, Mike has already said that I can do nit-picky cleaning jobs here and there, and he'll put me on any show I want. Which is a total Bonus. There's nothing coming in until the end of September though, which kinda sucks, but it will give me christmas cash.
I've finished Harry Potter, which I liked muchly, and am now onto Little Women. I think I'm looking at a longer version than what was in the book store, but that's ok. The content should be the same. Should be... It's actually not a bad read. I've already gotten a good chunk read, and I'll have tomorrow to get more done before people start moving back up. So, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but I'm doing well, concidering that I haven't read anything from start to finish (except Nora Roberts), since... last year? Something like that.
I kinda stopped stretching, and I think I need to start up again. I haven't been sleeping well, and I keep getting cramps in my legs, and in my side if I walk too fast. I'm not sure how much I like that, or how much of a difference the stretching was actually making. And, I've kinda pigged out the last couple days, so those extra pounds are starting to creep back on, which I"m not terribly thrilled with.
Anyways, I bought more hangers, so I should start hanging up the last of my clothes. And the washer and dryer are coming today, so Mike and his dad are downstairs arguing over property values and insurance.
I'm going to make myself scarce...
August 24, 2005
Did Stuff...
Yeah. I did stuff today. Woo.
I dropped of some resumes, and bought some pretty pillows and hangers, and tix for the Trews Unplugged... and then I kinda hung out here and downloaded stuff... Thought about going for a walk, but didn't...
Blah.
Not that I'm really complaining, but I just feel... Lazy. Like I really should be accomplishing things now, before all hell breaks loose, but Something inside keeps telling me no. Of course, we've all heard this before. I really did want to change that this year.
I guess I'm making small changes. I've actually lost a lot more weight than I thought, so I want to keep it off. I'm stretching every morning when I get up, and again before I go to bed, which is helping my posture, and I'm sleeping better too. Plus, I'm trying to learn to listen to my body more: asking myself, am I hungry, or just bored? Or am I thirsty? And if I am hungry, what is it that my body is telling me I need? Bread? Something Sweet? It makes a big difference.
Also, I got a rather bizarre email from Justin, one of the cooks at Richardsons, basically stating that he just found out that I didn't know that he has a girlfriend (which was a bit of a shock...), and that he was sorry that I developed feelings for him, and that I thought there was a chance for us, and that if I'd been more forward sooner, we could have avoided this...
I'm not sure I actually developed feelings for him, other than "wow, I'd like to boink you a few times". We were flirting pretty hard core, but he does that with everyone, so I wasn't sure I should have been taking it seriously anyways. So I almost felt strange that I wasn't hurt. Maybe it's just a bit of my past, tugging at my sleeve and saying: "Hey, what about me?" And I see it, and what could have happened... I don't know, it's strange.
Good, but strange. Hell, seeing Todd with Trista and not wanting to break some spines is good but strange. Maybe I'm heading to a calmer place. OR maybe I'm just in some kind of deep, cognitive shock and all of the negative energies stemming from my relationships is just funneling into a destructive ball of pent up rage and agression which will continue to build in size and intensity until I DO actually go on a homicidal spree and rip the balls off of every man in a five mile radious...
But at least my hair will look good in the process.
My hair is AWSOME! And it's so soft!! and all it took was 5 minutes with the blowdryer (2nd day hair). And the colour is holding quite well! *gush!*
So, yeah. Got some stuff accomplished today, but it doesn't feel like much. Tomorrow night, I'm supposed to be going out with Ange, but I haven't heard from her yet to know what's going on. So I think I might try and get some more reading done. Or baking. Tomorrow might be a good day for a trip to the bulk store.
Mmm...Cookies...
I dropped of some resumes, and bought some pretty pillows and hangers, and tix for the Trews Unplugged... and then I kinda hung out here and downloaded stuff... Thought about going for a walk, but didn't...
Blah.
Not that I'm really complaining, but I just feel... Lazy. Like I really should be accomplishing things now, before all hell breaks loose, but Something inside keeps telling me no. Of course, we've all heard this before. I really did want to change that this year.
I guess I'm making small changes. I've actually lost a lot more weight than I thought, so I want to keep it off. I'm stretching every morning when I get up, and again before I go to bed, which is helping my posture, and I'm sleeping better too. Plus, I'm trying to learn to listen to my body more: asking myself, am I hungry, or just bored? Or am I thirsty? And if I am hungry, what is it that my body is telling me I need? Bread? Something Sweet? It makes a big difference.
Also, I got a rather bizarre email from Justin, one of the cooks at Richardsons, basically stating that he just found out that I didn't know that he has a girlfriend (which was a bit of a shock...), and that he was sorry that I developed feelings for him, and that I thought there was a chance for us, and that if I'd been more forward sooner, we could have avoided this...
I'm not sure I actually developed feelings for him, other than "wow, I'd like to boink you a few times". We were flirting pretty hard core, but he does that with everyone, so I wasn't sure I should have been taking it seriously anyways. So I almost felt strange that I wasn't hurt. Maybe it's just a bit of my past, tugging at my sleeve and saying: "Hey, what about me?" And I see it, and what could have happened... I don't know, it's strange.
Good, but strange. Hell, seeing Todd with Trista and not wanting to break some spines is good but strange. Maybe I'm heading to a calmer place. OR maybe I'm just in some kind of deep, cognitive shock and all of the negative energies stemming from my relationships is just funneling into a destructive ball of pent up rage and agression which will continue to build in size and intensity until I DO actually go on a homicidal spree and rip the balls off of every man in a five mile radious...
But at least my hair will look good in the process.
My hair is AWSOME! And it's so soft!! and all it took was 5 minutes with the blowdryer (2nd day hair). And the colour is holding quite well! *gush!*
So, yeah. Got some stuff accomplished today, but it doesn't feel like much. Tomorrow night, I'm supposed to be going out with Ange, but I haven't heard from her yet to know what's going on. So I think I might try and get some more reading done. Or baking. Tomorrow might be a good day for a trip to the bulk store.
Mmm...Cookies...
July 26, 2005
Sweet & Sour
I'm back, again. I got my computer back tonight, so I should be updating, or at least writing, more consistantly in the near futiure.
First of all, an update on the booklist mentioned in the previous post. I've finished the Nora Roberts trilogy, and am now working on the Golden Compass, which is rather... difficult to read. I'm not sure I'd call it a children's book, just because it seems a little too involved for the attention span of most pre-teens I know. Also, I've gone on a bit of a spree at Coles (there was a sidewalk sale on!), and bought myself copies of Dracula, Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass, Wuthering Heights (which I read in highschool, and actually enjoyed) and the "Adult Cover" versions of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and Chamber of Secrets. So, yes, I'm actually going to read the Potter books. Also, my grandmother gave me her copy of Little Women for class, and when I flipped through it last night, I realized that it's not as much like the movie as I had hoped. Oh, well...I guess movies are never quite accurate. Coles called yesterday to inform me that the rest of my KidLit books are in, too, so...Yeah. Massive reading coming up.
Work's same old, though there have been some interesting, yet wholey dissappointing plot developments in the personal aspect of things. Nothing that I feel like discussing yet though. The only important thing is that I'm still single, and without any...physical satisfaction as of yet. With the exception of the "blue pearl", which is a recent aquisition which I'm sure no one who reads this wants to hear about. (hint: bzzzzzzzz...)
Anyways, recent conversations/happenings have gotten me thinking about Love. Oh, god, I know, here we go again. I can't stop though; it's some kind of loop my brain's been caught in. Too many weddings/engagements/litters. There's always something that edges it back into focus, whether it's innane ramblings about when people should be starting families (and who should be allowed to start them in the first place), to discussions about boyfriends and wedding dresses. And babies. Friggin babies. I had a whole rant all geared up to go, and I've lost it in a fog of "holy mother of christ I need SLEEP". I'm sure it will come back. Right now, I'm going to go eat cookies and listen to Meteora. It's a good disc. Tomorrow, I will be perusing the shops of the Festival Market Place in Stratford, searching for bargins and little black dresses.
And NOT thinking about boys.
First of all, an update on the booklist mentioned in the previous post. I've finished the Nora Roberts trilogy, and am now working on the Golden Compass, which is rather... difficult to read. I'm not sure I'd call it a children's book, just because it seems a little too involved for the attention span of most pre-teens I know. Also, I've gone on a bit of a spree at Coles (there was a sidewalk sale on!), and bought myself copies of Dracula, Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass, Wuthering Heights (which I read in highschool, and actually enjoyed) and the "Adult Cover" versions of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and Chamber of Secrets. So, yes, I'm actually going to read the Potter books. Also, my grandmother gave me her copy of Little Women for class, and when I flipped through it last night, I realized that it's not as much like the movie as I had hoped. Oh, well...I guess movies are never quite accurate. Coles called yesterday to inform me that the rest of my KidLit books are in, too, so...Yeah. Massive reading coming up.
Work's same old, though there have been some interesting, yet wholey dissappointing plot developments in the personal aspect of things. Nothing that I feel like discussing yet though. The only important thing is that I'm still single, and without any...physical satisfaction as of yet. With the exception of the "blue pearl", which is a recent aquisition which I'm sure no one who reads this wants to hear about. (hint: bzzzzzzzz...)
Anyways, recent conversations/happenings have gotten me thinking about Love. Oh, god, I know, here we go again. I can't stop though; it's some kind of loop my brain's been caught in. Too many weddings/engagements/litters. There's always something that edges it back into focus, whether it's innane ramblings about when people should be starting families (and who should be allowed to start them in the first place), to discussions about boyfriends and wedding dresses. And babies. Friggin babies. I had a whole rant all geared up to go, and I've lost it in a fog of "holy mother of christ I need SLEEP". I'm sure it will come back. Right now, I'm going to go eat cookies and listen to Meteora. It's a good disc. Tomorrow, I will be perusing the shops of the Festival Market Place in Stratford, searching for bargins and little black dresses.
And NOT thinking about boys.
June 21, 2005
Summer in your Step
So, it's Sparky-a-go-go! I think maybe people are right about theis whole exercise deal... I do have more energy now than I usually do.
Today, Renèe and Lindsay and I went to Curves. I think Renèe really liked it, so we're going to keep going, trying to make it 3x per week for the rest of the Summer. After the circut, we walked across town to Tim Hortons for an Ice Cap. It was actually really nice out. It's good to have a girl gang here. On Saturday night, we're going to a BX93 (a country music radio station) Dance, because Josh (Renèe's boyfriend's brother) is going to pop the question to his girlfriend! Very exciting. I'm actually going to drink a bit too, I think. Just for fun.
So, it's finally gotten pretty nice out. Warm, sunny... I got out in the garden a bit today, which was great. Teddy enjoyed it, I think. She just gets a little over-warm. I want to try and slim her down a bit before I go back up North. She's a Jack Russle (spayed), and she weighs 30lbs!! she's only supposed to weigh 17! poor thing's headed for a heart attack. So, I'm trying to take her for more walks outside, get her playing more. She swims every weekend when we're at the cottage, and since she's going for the week with my parents, she might be able to go every day, which will help. She'll never be an average-jack size, but she needs to lose some of the pudge. And I'm hoping that, now that I've started loosing weight again, we can do it together.
Well, I must go and get ready for another night swimming in condoments.
Syrups! Yum.
Today, Renèe and Lindsay and I went to Curves. I think Renèe really liked it, so we're going to keep going, trying to make it 3x per week for the rest of the Summer. After the circut, we walked across town to Tim Hortons for an Ice Cap. It was actually really nice out. It's good to have a girl gang here. On Saturday night, we're going to a BX93 (a country music radio station) Dance, because Josh (Renèe's boyfriend's brother) is going to pop the question to his girlfriend! Very exciting. I'm actually going to drink a bit too, I think. Just for fun.
So, it's finally gotten pretty nice out. Warm, sunny... I got out in the garden a bit today, which was great. Teddy enjoyed it, I think. She just gets a little over-warm. I want to try and slim her down a bit before I go back up North. She's a Jack Russle (spayed), and she weighs 30lbs!! she's only supposed to weigh 17! poor thing's headed for a heart attack. So, I'm trying to take her for more walks outside, get her playing more. She swims every weekend when we're at the cottage, and since she's going for the week with my parents, she might be able to go every day, which will help. She'll never be an average-jack size, but she needs to lose some of the pudge. And I'm hoping that, now that I've started loosing weight again, we can do it together.
Well, I must go and get ready for another night swimming in condoments.
Syrups! Yum.
June 17, 2005
Borken
Ok, so my computer's been busted for the past 2 weeks. It appears that the fan was clogged with Sand. Great. So, I'm on mom's work computer right now, doing a quick update. I thought people might start to miss me.
First of all, my plans to venture North for the Canada Day weekend have been Kaibashed. Mike's getting the windows and insulation done that weekend. Kinda sucks, but I"m trying to plan another weekend when I can head up, even if it's the week before I move in. I think I've got the colours picked, and It shouldn't take too long, if I get all my friends out for a pizza/beer/painting spree... *nudge, nudge*.
There's not really been a whole lot going on recently. Work, lots of work and overtime. I've made a nice chunk of coin, and I've built up a nice pocket for income tax season. And, I got to be a caser-operator, which, while it doesn't mean more real responsablilties except a few checkmarks, meant a nice raise from $10.38 to $11.75! And, in 400 more hours of work, I'll be eligable for a raise up to $10.6o-something. Soon, pretty nickles, soon you will be mine!!
I got the custom plates for my car: The MeeperMobile will soon be road-ready! I'm happy with the way the plates are lookin. And this whole "having a car" thing has given me and dad something to "bond" over. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Dad and I are usually better with a fence between us.
Really, that's pretty much it. Dyed my hair again. Tattoo's still all purty. Meds are good. Michael Jackson's innocent... Well, I guess things can't be perfect.
More soon.
First of all, my plans to venture North for the Canada Day weekend have been Kaibashed. Mike's getting the windows and insulation done that weekend. Kinda sucks, but I"m trying to plan another weekend when I can head up, even if it's the week before I move in. I think I've got the colours picked, and It shouldn't take too long, if I get all my friends out for a pizza/beer/painting spree... *nudge, nudge*.
There's not really been a whole lot going on recently. Work, lots of work and overtime. I've made a nice chunk of coin, and I've built up a nice pocket for income tax season. And, I got to be a caser-operator, which, while it doesn't mean more real responsablilties except a few checkmarks, meant a nice raise from $10.38 to $11.75! And, in 400 more hours of work, I'll be eligable for a raise up to $10.6o-something. Soon, pretty nickles, soon you will be mine!!
I got the custom plates for my car: The MeeperMobile will soon be road-ready! I'm happy with the way the plates are lookin. And this whole "having a car" thing has given me and dad something to "bond" over. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Dad and I are usually better with a fence between us.
Really, that's pretty much it. Dyed my hair again. Tattoo's still all purty. Meds are good. Michael Jackson's innocent... Well, I guess things can't be perfect.
More soon.
May 22, 2005
Epic Misadventures of Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies
A week ago, my mother's boss's wife approached her, asking who made the delicious cookies she had been bringing for lunch. My mom told her that I had made them one afternoon, for something different to put in my lunch for work. So, obviously, when mom came home, I was informed that Mrs. S wanted 5 dozen cookies for a Church social. Neeto! Actually, it gave me the opertunity to mess with variations on the Chocolate-Chip Oatmeal cookies, changing chocolate to peanut-butter chip (yum +1!!), and then trying a brand new recipie for creamy blossoms... And it earned me $15, which, though $5 short of my costs, was still something. Today, however, I found out that Mrs. S had put my name and phone number by the cookies, incase people wanted to "place orders"... This could get interesting...
Other than that, nothing interesting has really happened. My friend Rene is bent and bound on hooking me up with Cassandra, the gay (and rather yummy) forklift driver at work, even though I've told her that I'd likely be run out of town for it. Work is still work. Oh, but I did get my course schedual for next year. It looks Fan-Freakin-Tastic!!:
Semester I
Mondays:
-Romance (English): 12:30-2pm
-Psych of Ed (not the OTT one): 6.30-9.30pm
Tuesdays:
-Kid Lit Lab: 10.30-11.30
-Child Development (which I'm taking over to raise my average (along with Adult Dev. Next semester)): 3.30-5.30
Wednesdays:
-Romance: 12.30-2
-Drama (Literature): 6.30-9.30
Thursdays:
-Child Dev.: 3.30-5.30
-Kid Lit: 6.30-8.30
Fridays:
OFF!!
Semester II
Mondays
-Learning (Psych): 3.30-5
-Psych of Ed.: 6.30-9.30
Tuesdays
-Kid Lit Lab: 10.30-11.30
-Adult Dev: 3.30-5.30
Wednesdays
-Learning: 3.30-5
-Drama: 6.30-9.30
Thursdays
-Adult Dev:3.30-5.30
-Kid Lit: 6.30-8.30
Fridays
OFF!!
So, overall, not too shabby: only 2 classes per day, no early-early classes, and Fridays off all year! This could work out quite well!
Anyways, I need to be heading off. Tomorrow, I will regale you all with tales of our family Reunion. Joy!
Other than that, nothing interesting has really happened. My friend Rene is bent and bound on hooking me up with Cassandra, the gay (and rather yummy) forklift driver at work, even though I've told her that I'd likely be run out of town for it. Work is still work. Oh, but I did get my course schedual for next year. It looks Fan-Freakin-Tastic!!:
Semester I
Mondays:
-Romance (English): 12:30-2pm
-Psych of Ed (not the OTT one): 6.30-9.30pm
Tuesdays:
-Kid Lit Lab: 10.30-11.30
-Child Development (which I'm taking over to raise my average (along with Adult Dev. Next semester)): 3.30-5.30
Wednesdays:
-Romance: 12.30-2
-Drama (Literature): 6.30-9.30
Thursdays:
-Child Dev.: 3.30-5.30
-Kid Lit: 6.30-8.30
Fridays:
OFF!!
Semester II
Mondays
-Learning (Psych): 3.30-5
-Psych of Ed.: 6.30-9.30
Tuesdays
-Kid Lit Lab: 10.30-11.30
-Adult Dev: 3.30-5.30
Wednesdays
-Learning: 3.30-5
-Drama: 6.30-9.30
Thursdays
-Adult Dev:3.30-5.30
-Kid Lit: 6.30-8.30
Fridays
OFF!!
So, overall, not too shabby: only 2 classes per day, no early-early classes, and Fridays off all year! This could work out quite well!
Anyways, I need to be heading off. Tomorrow, I will regale you all with tales of our family Reunion. Joy!
May 15, 2005
Cruel Summer...
It's frickin cold. I can't believe it: It feels like October outside! The tan I've only had for a week has all but faded out! I was so looking forward to lying on the deck all weekend, reading, basking in the Vitamin B12 or whatever that the sun would be drenching me with... But no. Alas, it was rainy and cold all weekend. Even my pull-out bed with the dozen pillows and double duvets didn't keep me warm last night! Where have you gone, summer weather??
Rene and I had an interesting Friday night. We kept ourselves sane by transforming the plant into the stage for a whacked-out Porno... It was terrible, and hilarious all at once. I'm still on the lonely side, though. I miss a lot of people from "home": Brian, who's emailed me and chatted a bit, whom I miss muchly, Sarah, whose absence is like a hole in my soul, Dave, who I've been missing for a while now, Ana, who remains the cheerful bird on my shoulder, Geoff, Tabs and Danny, my magical hosts, the entire SOS crew (there are so many, and I *heart* you all), Mike, my soon-to-be-roomate (don't worry, we'll soon be sick of eachother), Chris, Tony, Jen and the Crew, and Todd. Todd (who assures me he reads this on occasion): I've been thinking about you recently, just curiosity about you, and how you're really doing. I know we're growing apart, but with luck, I'll get to see you soon.
Weather truly does affect mood. A few months ago, on a day like this, I would have spent the day in bed, sleeping, or being depressed. Now, though I'm still feeling a bit down, I'm not crushed. I'm not overwhelmed, and I'm not in tears. This is a good thing. Though, I'm still lonely. I guess I'm craving a bit of the life I had at home, where I went out on weekends, and had places to go. I mean, I finally have a car, and I have nowhere to take it, no road-trips, no adventures... I don't know.
I don't really have a lot else to say right now. I'm cold, and kinda tired. We're going to see Sarah McLaughlan tonight, which should be fun. right now, I think I'm going to take a long, hot shower, and then take a nap.
SummerTime...
Rene and I had an interesting Friday night. We kept ourselves sane by transforming the plant into the stage for a whacked-out Porno... It was terrible, and hilarious all at once. I'm still on the lonely side, though. I miss a lot of people from "home": Brian, who's emailed me and chatted a bit, whom I miss muchly, Sarah, whose absence is like a hole in my soul, Dave, who I've been missing for a while now, Ana, who remains the cheerful bird on my shoulder, Geoff, Tabs and Danny, my magical hosts, the entire SOS crew (there are so many, and I *heart* you all), Mike, my soon-to-be-roomate (don't worry, we'll soon be sick of eachother), Chris, Tony, Jen and the Crew, and Todd. Todd (who assures me he reads this on occasion): I've been thinking about you recently, just curiosity about you, and how you're really doing. I know we're growing apart, but with luck, I'll get to see you soon.
Weather truly does affect mood. A few months ago, on a day like this, I would have spent the day in bed, sleeping, or being depressed. Now, though I'm still feeling a bit down, I'm not crushed. I'm not overwhelmed, and I'm not in tears. This is a good thing. Though, I'm still lonely. I guess I'm craving a bit of the life I had at home, where I went out on weekends, and had places to go. I mean, I finally have a car, and I have nowhere to take it, no road-trips, no adventures... I don't know.
I don't really have a lot else to say right now. I'm cold, and kinda tired. We're going to see Sarah McLaughlan tonight, which should be fun. right now, I think I'm going to take a long, hot shower, and then take a nap.
SummerTime...
April 28, 2005
Old News: Cookies and Creams...
Created on: 4/27/2005, 11:41 AM
I'm currently making cookies. Oatmeal Chocolate Chip with Coconut. I'm doing it for 2 reasons: one, because I have an insane amount of cooking supplies that I brought home from North Bay that I need to make use of, and two, because it keeps my hands busy.
I went to the doctor's yesterday to get my Effexor refilled, and finally managed to gather the courage to talk to her about the…spots on my chest. Most of you know about them. It's a skin condition, or so I say. Really, it's only minor (very minor) acne. But it's what I do to it that makes it look like it does now. I can't stop picking at them. I know, it's gross, but I can't help it. I know I'm causing a lot of damage (most of them are infected), but I just can't stop myself. I'll spend hours squeezing and pulling off scabs so they can't heal. Now, they're all red and painful. It's a psychological condition known as Dermatillomania. It's in the same family as trichotillomania, the condition where a person can't stop pulling out their hair, even when they develop bald patches. We (myself and the doc) aren't quite sure yet how to treat it, but the Effexor should help for now. Plus I'm on antibiotics for the infection, hoping that once the existing spots heal, the urge to pick will lessen. Right now, I'm just trying to keep busy so I'm not tempted to sit down and make things worse. Hence, cookies, and cleaning, and unpacking.
It's kinda nice to be home. I get the house to myself most of the day, so I can sleep in, and I can do laundry for mom… We're working on my neatness habits (it's like finishing school all over again!) so I don't make Mike crazy next year. The laundry thing I've gotten the hang of, especially since I don't have to carry the stuff up and down stairs, or pay $1.50 per load… And I'm getting better at the dishes thing… my room's still a stumbling block, mostly because I'm sorting through 3 years worth of old papers right now, then unpacking clothes. But I'll get through it. It'll just take time.
I start work next week. Afternoons, 3-11pm. It shouldn't be too bad, actually. I like Afternoon, because that's the block of time I'm most awake in. I'm on the shift that I like too, which is nice.
It's raining here today. And it's kinda cold. And grey. Pretty dismal, actually. I'm looking forward to the nicer weather coming back. I have an herb garden out back which needs tending. A note to all you gardeners out there: Don't ever plant Mint near anything. Ever. It takes over whatever you plant it in, and chokes everything else out. I have a beautiful oregano bush, and some lovely lavender, but the mint totally overtakes it if you leave it more than a week without a trim. I think that when I move into Mikes, I'm going to have little pots of herbs in my room, a little sprig of oregano, basil and maybe some lavender… just to smell nice. I'll have room for it too. And I think the dog's a bit depressed. She likes it that I'm home, but usually we go for walks around the yard when we go to get the mail, and it's been too cold and wet the last few days to do that. Poor thing.
Rain, Rain, go away.
I'm currently making cookies. Oatmeal Chocolate Chip with Coconut. I'm doing it for 2 reasons: one, because I have an insane amount of cooking supplies that I brought home from North Bay that I need to make use of, and two, because it keeps my hands busy.
I went to the doctor's yesterday to get my Effexor refilled, and finally managed to gather the courage to talk to her about the…spots on my chest. Most of you know about them. It's a skin condition, or so I say. Really, it's only minor (very minor) acne. But it's what I do to it that makes it look like it does now. I can't stop picking at them. I know, it's gross, but I can't help it. I know I'm causing a lot of damage (most of them are infected), but I just can't stop myself. I'll spend hours squeezing and pulling off scabs so they can't heal. Now, they're all red and painful. It's a psychological condition known as Dermatillomania. It's in the same family as trichotillomania, the condition where a person can't stop pulling out their hair, even when they develop bald patches. We (myself and the doc) aren't quite sure yet how to treat it, but the Effexor should help for now. Plus I'm on antibiotics for the infection, hoping that once the existing spots heal, the urge to pick will lessen. Right now, I'm just trying to keep busy so I'm not tempted to sit down and make things worse. Hence, cookies, and cleaning, and unpacking.
It's kinda nice to be home. I get the house to myself most of the day, so I can sleep in, and I can do laundry for mom… We're working on my neatness habits (it's like finishing school all over again!) so I don't make Mike crazy next year. The laundry thing I've gotten the hang of, especially since I don't have to carry the stuff up and down stairs, or pay $1.50 per load… And I'm getting better at the dishes thing… my room's still a stumbling block, mostly because I'm sorting through 3 years worth of old papers right now, then unpacking clothes. But I'll get through it. It'll just take time.
I start work next week. Afternoons, 3-11pm. It shouldn't be too bad, actually. I like Afternoon, because that's the block of time I'm most awake in. I'm on the shift that I like too, which is nice.
It's raining here today. And it's kinda cold. And grey. Pretty dismal, actually. I'm looking forward to the nicer weather coming back. I have an herb garden out back which needs tending. A note to all you gardeners out there: Don't ever plant Mint near anything. Ever. It takes over whatever you plant it in, and chokes everything else out. I have a beautiful oregano bush, and some lovely lavender, but the mint totally overtakes it if you leave it more than a week without a trim. I think that when I move into Mikes, I'm going to have little pots of herbs in my room, a little sprig of oregano, basil and maybe some lavender… just to smell nice. I'll have room for it too. And I think the dog's a bit depressed. She likes it that I'm home, but usually we go for walks around the yard when we go to get the mail, and it's been too cold and wet the last few days to do that. Poor thing.
Rain, Rain, go away.
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