This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Just think about that. I'm going to run lines...
[An Hour Later]
I've been in the TLM lab killing time for the last little while. I decided that, rather than actually doing something constructive, I'd just start tagging my posts again. Had a system worked out and everything...
But, most of the posts I edited had to do with Nathan. I didn't think that would be as hard as it was.
Anyways, it's snowing like crazy, and I've got class, so I'm heading off. We'll see what happens next.
Showing posts with label Nathan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nathan. Show all posts
February 21, 2007
June 16, 2006
Big Stuff, Small post.
So, things haven't been going the best. Or they've been going great, depending on what you focus on. Either way, I don't really want to talk about things extensivly, so I'll just go by way of the short list.
1) I have my B. A. (lib).
2) Nathan and I broke up, but we're going to re-evaluate things in August and see where we are
3)I got "promoted" to dry Weigh up, so I make another dollar an hour (until after my probation)
4) I'm constantly exhausted, and feel ill all the time.
5) my shoulder is going agin, and my muscles are all pretty angry at me.
6) I'm once again having doubts about going to Canadore. Or, rather, going back to North Bay. I'm not sure if it's worth it. Not the education part, but... I don't know... the "does this really do anything for me" part. I'm sure, like all things, this too will pass.
That's it.
1) I have my B. A. (lib).
2) Nathan and I broke up, but we're going to re-evaluate things in August and see where we are
3)I got "promoted" to dry Weigh up, so I make another dollar an hour (until after my probation)
4) I'm constantly exhausted, and feel ill all the time.
5) my shoulder is going agin, and my muscles are all pretty angry at me.
6) I'm once again having doubts about going to Canadore. Or, rather, going back to North Bay. I'm not sure if it's worth it. Not the education part, but... I don't know... the "does this really do anything for me" part. I'm sure, like all things, this too will pass.
That's it.
May 28, 2006
Quick News Post
I don't want to say too much on what's going on right now, because I"m still working things out... It's going to be a while before there's a straight answer on this one.
I broke up with Nathan on Saturday morning. I haven't been happy in a while, and both of us have changed, not necessarily for the better. I was relativly fine with the way things ended for me: It's not that I'm looking for another relationship... I'm actually kinda wanting to be alone. I was at least.
Saturday night, I went to the cottage with Mom and Dad. I knew I'd made the right decision for what I needed at the time, but I still felt like something was coming undone... something wasn't right. I felt horrible for what I did to him, but I didn't feel bad that the relationship was over... frankly, I didn't feel much of anything.
This afternoon when Nathan and I talked (we had agreed to remain friends), he told me that he couldn't do it (be friends)... or rather end the relationship... something. It was all too much. But I had already made my decision. We're back together.
Things have definatly changed though. No more calls, no more flowers sent to the house. He's going to start being with his friends, and he wants me to be able to go out alone without feeling gulity. I know I've said these things before, but he confessed that he didn't really follow through last time: he knew he kept calling and coming over... he just thought it was a rough stage that would pass. He knows now that I can't take it, and that things are going to have to change, no second chances this time.
Of course, things are better. He is ok with everything now... Nothing really changed for me. I still don't really feel anything either way. I was terrified this morning when my sister told me that there had been a call for me, that Nathan had done something, but other than that, I just feel... I feel like a Zombie. I feel like I'm moving through life and right now I've got nothing but routine. I feel like I'm under a grill press. I can't breathe without thinking about how it will effect others, and I hate that. I want to just give it all up and walk away.
I think about Todd more now than I have been. Not romantically at all (I haven't thought like that in a long time about anyone), but now I can understand why he did what he did. I can understand why he felt nothing about using women or hurting them: he was experiancing life without guilt. He was taking what he wanted, and when he didn't want it anymore, he built the scar tissue enough within himself that he could just walk. And then, once he grew up and decided to become himself, and not worry so much about women, he left. And I'm sure... I hope he's more settled now. I wish I could tell him that I understand now.
I'm really feeling out of sorts right now. It may be the emotional rollercoaster that was this weekend, or the knowledge that I have to be awake at 5am tomorrow morning and I didn't sleep at all last night, or it could be the fact that I made it through half of White Oleander while lying in the sun, and now I look like a lobster. I don't know.
I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
I broke up with Nathan on Saturday morning. I haven't been happy in a while, and both of us have changed, not necessarily for the better. I was relativly fine with the way things ended for me: It's not that I'm looking for another relationship... I'm actually kinda wanting to be alone. I was at least.
Saturday night, I went to the cottage with Mom and Dad. I knew I'd made the right decision for what I needed at the time, but I still felt like something was coming undone... something wasn't right. I felt horrible for what I did to him, but I didn't feel bad that the relationship was over... frankly, I didn't feel much of anything.
This afternoon when Nathan and I talked (we had agreed to remain friends), he told me that he couldn't do it (be friends)... or rather end the relationship... something. It was all too much. But I had already made my decision. We're back together.
Things have definatly changed though. No more calls, no more flowers sent to the house. He's going to start being with his friends, and he wants me to be able to go out alone without feeling gulity. I know I've said these things before, but he confessed that he didn't really follow through last time: he knew he kept calling and coming over... he just thought it was a rough stage that would pass. He knows now that I can't take it, and that things are going to have to change, no second chances this time.
Of course, things are better. He is ok with everything now... Nothing really changed for me. I still don't really feel anything either way. I was terrified this morning when my sister told me that there had been a call for me, that Nathan had done something, but other than that, I just feel... I feel like a Zombie. I feel like I'm moving through life and right now I've got nothing but routine. I feel like I'm under a grill press. I can't breathe without thinking about how it will effect others, and I hate that. I want to just give it all up and walk away.
I think about Todd more now than I have been. Not romantically at all (I haven't thought like that in a long time about anyone), but now I can understand why he did what he did. I can understand why he felt nothing about using women or hurting them: he was experiancing life without guilt. He was taking what he wanted, and when he didn't want it anymore, he built the scar tissue enough within himself that he could just walk. And then, once he grew up and decided to become himself, and not worry so much about women, he left. And I'm sure... I hope he's more settled now. I wish I could tell him that I understand now.
I'm really feeling out of sorts right now. It may be the emotional rollercoaster that was this weekend, or the knowledge that I have to be awake at 5am tomorrow morning and I didn't sleep at all last night, or it could be the fact that I made it through half of White Oleander while lying in the sun, and now I look like a lobster. I don't know.
I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
April 26, 2006
Last Bit...
This is it, folks, the final leg of my University career.
Tomorrow is my last final exam ever at Nipissing University. No, I still don't believe it's actually happening. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I'm done another year, let alone that it's my last. I guess that's just part of the whole "moving forward" thing.
I was at Shannon and Miotchie's again last night with Nathan. We drank beer and played SceneIt!, then this morning, I had my first ever tuna sandwich while watching Advent Children for the 3rd time (though, that would have been the first time without subtitles, and with an English Dubb). Jessica Simpson may be an idiot, but she's right... It really is the chicken of the sea. It seriously just tastes like chicken. Which makes me wonder... What *does* chicken taste like?
Anyways... Tonight, the plan is to take one last crack at being productive. I have much studying to do, and not much time to do it in. Also, I have to start packing, and start getting ready to move the big things, like my bed, desk and dresser, into the basement. That'll be fun...
And I think I've gotten a bit more into the throw-away mindset. I mean, sure I keep lots of things that I could potentially use again, but at the same time, I really *don't* use it. I mean, keeping old tests and papers has come in handy, but not so much old notes. I'll never, ever throw away or sell my textbooks, but I don't need every last scrap of paper from my university career. Heck, I even have notes from public and high school squirreled away at home: what do I need them for? And I have a lot of clothes. Like, a lot - a lot. Some of it I wear, but some of it I'm keeping incase I ever get to wear it again. Some of it I'm keeping for when I lose the weight; which is fine. But Why have them out, sprawled over my floor?
Also, I'm going to try and take a bunch of stuff off of my computer tonight. I'm running out of hard-drive space, and I still have much to download. Plus, my computer has been running really slow, and I think it's time to get it re-formatted. Still, having 8 episodes of Criminal Minds, 9 of House, 3 of Family Guy, Memoirs of a Geshia, 3 Sailor Moon movies (shut up!) and about 6 days running-time worth of Music on here probably isn't helping things. Not to mention about 10 episodes of Daria and a bunch of stuff from Limewire I haven't even sorted through yet... Oi. I don't even know how to get this stupid burner working yet... Good thing I have a hand-full of blank CD-R's to mangle in the process.
Hopefully when I get back, I'll have 4 seasons of Family Guy, a few gigs worth of Gargoyles and maybe a movie or two waiting for me... but only if Nathan loves me enough... ;)
Let the burninating/study-ness begin!
Tomorrow is my last final exam ever at Nipissing University. No, I still don't believe it's actually happening. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I'm done another year, let alone that it's my last. I guess that's just part of the whole "moving forward" thing.
I was at Shannon and Miotchie's again last night with Nathan. We drank beer and played SceneIt!, then this morning, I had my first ever tuna sandwich while watching Advent Children for the 3rd time (though, that would have been the first time without subtitles, and with an English Dubb). Jessica Simpson may be an idiot, but she's right... It really is the chicken of the sea. It seriously just tastes like chicken. Which makes me wonder... What *does* chicken taste like?
Anyways... Tonight, the plan is to take one last crack at being productive. I have much studying to do, and not much time to do it in. Also, I have to start packing, and start getting ready to move the big things, like my bed, desk and dresser, into the basement. That'll be fun...
And I think I've gotten a bit more into the throw-away mindset. I mean, sure I keep lots of things that I could potentially use again, but at the same time, I really *don't* use it. I mean, keeping old tests and papers has come in handy, but not so much old notes. I'll never, ever throw away or sell my textbooks, but I don't need every last scrap of paper from my university career. Heck, I even have notes from public and high school squirreled away at home: what do I need them for? And I have a lot of clothes. Like, a lot - a lot. Some of it I wear, but some of it I'm keeping incase I ever get to wear it again. Some of it I'm keeping for when I lose the weight; which is fine. But Why have them out, sprawled over my floor?
Also, I'm going to try and take a bunch of stuff off of my computer tonight. I'm running out of hard-drive space, and I still have much to download. Plus, my computer has been running really slow, and I think it's time to get it re-formatted. Still, having 8 episodes of Criminal Minds, 9 of House, 3 of Family Guy, Memoirs of a Geshia, 3 Sailor Moon movies (shut up!) and about 6 days running-time worth of Music on here probably isn't helping things. Not to mention about 10 episodes of Daria and a bunch of stuff from Limewire I haven't even sorted through yet... Oi. I don't even know how to get this stupid burner working yet... Good thing I have a hand-full of blank CD-R's to mangle in the process.
Hopefully when I get back, I'll have 4 seasons of Family Guy, a few gigs worth of Gargoyles and maybe a movie or two waiting for me... but only if Nathan loves me enough... ;)
Let the burninating/study-ness begin!
April 18, 2006
Here we go again...
Nathan told me tonight (about 10 minutes ago), that he needs to find a new place to live.
Again.
Nathan's roomate, Miotchie, has a teenaged daughter who currently lives with her ex-husband in... I don't know, Kitchener or something. Well, aparently, the ex-husband is bailing on her, and Nathan needs to be out so she can have his room. I'd imagine that she won't move up until the end of the school year, but still... Nathan said the latest will be July 1st. So, Nathan needs to be able to come up with first, last, and possible utilities (keeping in mind that the cost of hydro is rising 17% as of May 1st), still pay his last bit of rent with Shannon and Miotchie, and find an apartment before... whenever the girl moves up here. So, I put out the call to you:
Male, 23, seeks apartment ASAP. Quiet, Clean, smoker, but will smoke outside. Employed full-time, responsible and very friendly. OK with pets. Perferably near bus route.
If you've got any ideas, PLEASE contact me.
And we're not moving in together unless it becomes necessary. Why? Because I think we'd kill each other. And I can't do that until I'm officially in the will.
Again.
Nathan's roomate, Miotchie, has a teenaged daughter who currently lives with her ex-husband in... I don't know, Kitchener or something. Well, aparently, the ex-husband is bailing on her, and Nathan needs to be out so she can have his room. I'd imagine that she won't move up until the end of the school year, but still... Nathan said the latest will be July 1st. So, Nathan needs to be able to come up with first, last, and possible utilities (keeping in mind that the cost of hydro is rising 17% as of May 1st), still pay his last bit of rent with Shannon and Miotchie, and find an apartment before... whenever the girl moves up here. So, I put out the call to you:
Male, 23, seeks apartment ASAP. Quiet, Clean, smoker, but will smoke outside. Employed full-time, responsible and very friendly. OK with pets. Perferably near bus route.
If you've got any ideas, PLEASE contact me.
And we're not moving in together unless it becomes necessary. Why? Because I think we'd kill each other. And I can't do that until I'm officially in the will.
April 17, 2006
Moving right along.
Went home this weekend for a wedding and a baptism. The wedding was lovely; compleatly disorganized, but that's how our family seems to work. Aparently, the bridal party disappeared for an hour or two and had a few beers on the golf course, and the bride mooned the lot of us waiting for dinner to start, but hey, the place was gorgeous, the food was amazing... And the baptism was interesting... Aparently the water was quite cold, and there was nothing funnier than watching Alysia walk into it and start mouthing "Holy crap! Oh God!"
Mom and Nan have vowed to return me to the size I was when I came here in September. I'm looking forward to it, but Nathan's not too impressed. I mean, after mom's talk of living on 2 tablespoons of trailmix and half sandwiches... I think he thinks they're going to starve me. And he doesn't like that mom wants me to start shopping with my sister. Not that he doesn't like Ash, just that he thinks she's Canada's answer to Paris Hilton, and he doesn't want me attracting "that kind" of attention. He's not as jealous as he used to be, but still...
I'm finishing the kid lit essay as we speak (yeah, I know...), and I'm starting the drama essay asap, because I"ve got massive packing and studying to do, plus with the sun shining and the weather warming off, I want to get out there and enjoy it.
I'm still keeping my jounral, and the one thing I'm noticing is that even when I try, I don't eat well, or drink enough water for the coffee I drink.
So, yeah...
Mom and Nan have vowed to return me to the size I was when I came here in September. I'm looking forward to it, but Nathan's not too impressed. I mean, after mom's talk of living on 2 tablespoons of trailmix and half sandwiches... I think he thinks they're going to starve me. And he doesn't like that mom wants me to start shopping with my sister. Not that he doesn't like Ash, just that he thinks she's Canada's answer to Paris Hilton, and he doesn't want me attracting "that kind" of attention. He's not as jealous as he used to be, but still...
I'm finishing the kid lit essay as we speak (yeah, I know...), and I'm starting the drama essay asap, because I"ve got massive packing and studying to do, plus with the sun shining and the weather warming off, I want to get out there and enjoy it.
I'm still keeping my jounral, and the one thing I'm noticing is that even when I try, I don't eat well, or drink enough water for the coffee I drink.
So, yeah...
March 26, 2006
Right now
Right now, I just want to let it all go.
I don't want to go back. Mom and dad will have to force me onto that bus tomorrow... I don't think I can do it. I can't stop crying. I broke down in the middle of masonville on Friday, and I haven't been able to stop yet.
I just want to live out the rest of my life curled into a ball under my bed. I would seriously concider dropping out if it wasn't so stupid. What kind of moron drops out a month before graduating? And just because it's paper crunch... I survive it every year, so what happened this time? How did I wind up this bad?
Nathan is the only positive thing bringing me back to north Bay right now. I mean, I know that I have my friends at Nip, but right now, I could be willing to let all of that go. I could be very easily convinced. I could forget all about Canadore and be one of those "waste of flesh" people Dad and I were talking about, who just flips burgers or works in a factory for the rest of their miserable lives.
No I couldn't. I can't even do that.
I can't even hide under my bed, because I'm too afraid.
What do I do now?
I don't want to go back. Mom and dad will have to force me onto that bus tomorrow... I don't think I can do it. I can't stop crying. I broke down in the middle of masonville on Friday, and I haven't been able to stop yet.
I just want to live out the rest of my life curled into a ball under my bed. I would seriously concider dropping out if it wasn't so stupid. What kind of moron drops out a month before graduating? And just because it's paper crunch... I survive it every year, so what happened this time? How did I wind up this bad?
Nathan is the only positive thing bringing me back to north Bay right now. I mean, I know that I have my friends at Nip, but right now, I could be willing to let all of that go. I could be very easily convinced. I could forget all about Canadore and be one of those "waste of flesh" people Dad and I were talking about, who just flips burgers or works in a factory for the rest of their miserable lives.
No I couldn't. I can't even do that.
I can't even hide under my bed, because I'm too afraid.
What do I do now?
March 22, 2006
Plans
So here's the deal:
I'm going home tomorrow. Thursday till Sunday. I talked to Danny this afternoon, and he told me that he did the same last weekend, and was more productive then than over the whole month. I'm hoping his good wishes come with me...I'll need them.
The weekend that follows, Mom and Dad are coming up to fix the car, and so They can meet Nathan's parents. Which should be interesting.
The weekend following is my exam prep weekend. Funs.
The weekend following is Amanda's wedding, and also Easter Weekend.
The weekend following is a weekend.
The weekend following that, I should be heading home. But now I'm getting ahead of myself...
Yes, this weekend I'm heading home for some mom and dog time. Also, to clear my head enough to start/finish everything I need to do. It shouldn't be too difficult... I hope.
I'm going home tomorrow. Thursday till Sunday. I talked to Danny this afternoon, and he told me that he did the same last weekend, and was more productive then than over the whole month. I'm hoping his good wishes come with me...I'll need them.
The weekend that follows, Mom and Dad are coming up to fix the car, and so They can meet Nathan's parents. Which should be interesting.
The weekend following is my exam prep weekend. Funs.
The weekend following is Amanda's wedding, and also Easter Weekend.
The weekend following is a weekend.
The weekend following that, I should be heading home. But now I'm getting ahead of myself...
Yes, this weekend I'm heading home for some mom and dog time. Also, to clear my head enough to start/finish everything I need to do. It shouldn't be too difficult... I hope.
February 19, 2006
Tidbits
I'm feeling a bit better now. The weight hasn't really lifted yet, and the next 2-4 weeks are going to suck royally, but at least I have a clearer view of what's up.
I'm here in North Bay for the reading week, and with the shows being done by noon most days, and no work, and Nathan at work, I'll be able to do at least some reading, assignments and catching up over the next week. That is, if I can stop myself from looking for new tattoos to get and clicking though www.theknot.com.
I'm
going to attempt to attatch pictures of the 3 new ideas I have for my tattoo...
First is a rose that will go pretty much right on my left hip bone, which is pretty much what I've wanted for a while.
It is from a group of tattoo images that can be found here.
I love that they're all very simple and stylized, and both clean and elegant.
The second is a variation of the "heart-flower" design I've wanted since I was a kid, but I'm now unsure of. It's pretty, but, (I'm not sure if you can see it in as much detail, but...) it's more girly than the others, and this version might not look as good in black and white. I don't like colour tattoos, only because the colour tends to fade or go wonky over time.
And the last is one I just recently found, and is compleatly gorgeous, which I will probably put on an ankle. I'm still debating one for the lower back, and a vine band around my arm... but that will be decided at a later date.
I know at some point, I will probably be getting more piercings in my ears, and possibly in my navel. I want all of these, though, to commemorate special events in my life. My Butterfly is significant, because I can say that when I turned 21, I got my wings. The next will be a sort of Graduation gift to myself for getting through 4 years of Nipissing. I'll get one when I get my diploma from my next program, and another if I do the dual degree that Steve Suggested, but I'll talk about that later. Nathan and I are already talking about getting matching hearts or something after we've been together for X amount of time... And I'll never run out of ideas. Places to put them, maybe... there are only so many places I would get tattoos on my body (some places are tacky, some I can't do, like the shoulder (because I want to expand the butterfly), and some I won't do because of the stretch factor... Even lower back is iffy for me...)
More tomorrow... Now I must sleep, for tomorrow, I entertain small children.
*shudder*
I'm here in North Bay for the reading week, and with the shows being done by noon most days, and no work, and Nathan at work, I'll be able to do at least some reading, assignments and catching up over the next week. That is, if I can stop myself from looking for new tattoos to get and clicking though www.theknot.com.
I'm
going to attempt to attatch pictures of the 3 new ideas I have for my tattoo...First is a rose that will go pretty much right on my left hip bone, which is pretty much what I've wanted for a while.
It is from a group of tattoo images that can be found here.
I love that they're all very simple and stylized, and both clean and elegant.
The second is a variation of the "heart-flower" design I've wanted since I was a kid, but I'm now unsure of. It's pretty, but, (I'm not sure if you can see it in as much detail, but...) it's more girly than the others, and this version might not look as good in black and white. I don't like colour tattoos, only because the colour tends to fade or go wonky over time.
And the last is one I just recently found, and is compleatly gorgeous, which I will probably put on an ankle. I'm still debating one for the lower back, and a vine band around my arm... but that will be decided at a later date.I know at some point, I will probably be getting more piercings in my ears, and possibly in my navel. I want all of these, though, to commemorate special events in my life. My Butterfly is significant, because I can say that when I turned 21, I got my wings. The next will be a sort of Graduation gift to myself for getting through 4 years of Nipissing. I'll get one when I get my diploma from my next program, and another if I do the dual degree that Steve Suggested, but I'll talk about that later. Nathan and I are already talking about getting matching hearts or something after we've been together for X amount of time... And I'll never run out of ideas. Places to put them, maybe... there are only so many places I would get tattoos on my body (some places are tacky, some I can't do, like the shoulder (because I want to expand the butterfly), and some I won't do because of the stretch factor... Even lower back is iffy for me...)
More tomorrow... Now I must sleep, for tomorrow, I entertain small children.
*shudder*
February 13, 2006
One Step Closer...
The Meeper Mobile is officially off the road. Sort of... It is my emergency, no more than a 5 minute drive vehicle. The battery started losing it's charge last night, so I figured, hell with it... I'll park it until the weather warms a bit.
Nathan, the sweetheart that he is, bought me some groceries the other day. Well, I gave him $50 (that I now owe to Lucky 13), and he covered the other $15.
I took today off again. Not so much as a mental health day (though it's getting close...), but as a lets-play-ketchup day. I'm so far behind in Psych of Ed Chapters it isn't funny... but at the same time, it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't know that the next test comes mainly out of the book. Blarg.
I have to do some baking tonight, which will be somewhat cathartic, I hope. Brownies and the like for the SoS bakesale tomorrow, which will be held whether CUPE strikes or not.
Nathan and I had some ...involved talks this "weekend" (it didn't feel much like a weekend), so I'm feeling both drained and physically heavy right now. Almost like overwhelmed, but without the panic, and with more pain between the shoulder blades. I want to go lie down, but that was one of the things we discussed: he's angry that I spend so much of my time sleeping in, and that I spend the majority of my time in bed, or at least in my room. He doesn't get that that's part of who I am. I can't be the lone ranger, always on the move type of person he is.
It just gets frustrating sometimes, that's all.
Nathan, the sweetheart that he is, bought me some groceries the other day. Well, I gave him $50 (that I now owe to Lucky 13), and he covered the other $15.
I took today off again. Not so much as a mental health day (though it's getting close...), but as a lets-play-ketchup day. I'm so far behind in Psych of Ed Chapters it isn't funny... but at the same time, it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't know that the next test comes mainly out of the book. Blarg.
I have to do some baking tonight, which will be somewhat cathartic, I hope. Brownies and the like for the SoS bakesale tomorrow, which will be held whether CUPE strikes or not.
Nathan and I had some ...involved talks this "weekend" (it didn't feel much like a weekend), so I'm feeling both drained and physically heavy right now. Almost like overwhelmed, but without the panic, and with more pain between the shoulder blades. I want to go lie down, but that was one of the things we discussed: he's angry that I spend so much of my time sleeping in, and that I spend the majority of my time in bed, or at least in my room. He doesn't get that that's part of who I am. I can't be the lone ranger, always on the move type of person he is.
It just gets frustrating sometimes, that's all.
February 9, 2006
*THIS* is why I love my man...
I recieved this email today from my boyfriend, Nathan. I talked to him breifly at noon, then (without really intending to), fell back to sleep until 3.30pm. When I woke up, this was waiting for me: (oh, and excuse his spelling)
befor you go to class i just want to say that i love you verry much. i hope you have a good day today or at least a better one than youv been having. you do so much for me and i't might seem like somtimes i take you for granted and if it does i'm sory, i appreashat all that you do. you enrich my life and make me a better person. i want you to be who ever you want to be and will support you in whatever you want to do. ther is no such thing as being perfict, but you are a perfic match for me. if i searched my entier life i would not find someone better nor would i want to. you have my heart my soul allthat i am it is yours and that will NEVER change. also dont wait for me tonight you need your sleep. i will see you tomorow and talk to you during the day by email. if you are up any way then we will talk but don't stay up just for me you helth (both phisical and mental) is more important. you are so amasing i have no idea how i mannaged to get somone like you. i love you my angel
Nathan
I love him so much... :)
befor you go to class i just want to say that i love you verry much. i hope you have a good day today or at least a better one than youv been having. you do so much for me and i't might seem like somtimes i take you for granted and if it does i'm sory, i appreashat all that you do. you enrich my life and make me a better person. i want you to be who ever you want to be and will support you in whatever you want to do. ther is no such thing as being perfict, but you are a perfic match for me. if i searched my entier life i would not find someone better nor would i want to. you have my heart my soul allthat i am it is yours and that will NEVER change. also dont wait for me tonight you need your sleep. i will see you tomorow and talk to you during the day by email. if you are up any way then we will talk but don't stay up just for me you helth (both phisical and mental) is more important. you are so amasing i have no idea how i mannaged to get somone like you. i love you my angel
Nathan
I love him so much... :)
February 7, 2006
Wanted: Small Doses.
Why can't things happen one at a time???
Why is it that when one thing blows up, it can't just be that one problem, it's gotta be six billion other things at the same damned time??
I mean, take tomorrow: Why can't I just have a midterm that day? why do I have to have another class after it? And why, oh why, do I have to work 7-2pm before it?
Snarf.
Meaghan and Craig are back together. Yay, I guess. I mean, I'm happy for them, but I have my concerns about what both of them want from the relationship, and what they are going to find. But that's just me.
Sarah and Steve are duking it out over dishes now. I seem to recall something from earlier in the year... Myself saying something about how the exec living together this year wasn't the best idea... But they're going to work on it like Mature Adults. They're going to get things sorted out. Whether they want to or not...
And then, tonight at rehersal (we ran the play about 2.25 times tonight...), Steve gives us the lowdown of the new show dates. Are ya'll ready for this one?
Monday, Feb 20th: 9.30am show
Tuesday, Feb. 21st: 9.30am show
Wednesday, Feb 22nd: 9.30am show
Thursday, Feb 23rd: 9.30am show, AND 12.30pm show.
Friday, Feb 24th: We're leaving for MATTAWA (about an hour and a half south) at 8.30am in a rented VAN, for a morning and afternoon show. We should be back in town by dinner.
Sweet. Monkey. Jeebus.
I figured there would be 3-4 shows. That made sense. But 7?? and 2 of them in a different location?? BLARG. So much for catching up over reading week...
And lastly, in this train-wrek of an update I have going on: Nathan needs to find a new place to live. His Aunt Patricia has been stationed in Edmonton, so they're moving. They'll know at the end of the month when they'll be going for sure, but either way, they're leaving, and Nathan's room in their house is leaving with them. So, assuming the military gives Patricia a few months to get her affairs in order, Nathan has to apartment hunt, scrounge up first and last, and possibly find a roomate! Not to mention packing up the stuff he does have at Uncle Mikes, and finding a home for it...
Finding the apartment is going to be the first big issue... Housing up here ain't cheap, especially when you have to pay first and last, and OSAP is taking money off every paycheque...
I've been scouring the online classifieds, but haven't found much yet. Luckily, we're entering the season where students start planning for accomidations for next year, so I'm hoping some apartments are going to be coming available. I feel bad, because I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him, so I can't say "I'll go in with you on a 1 or two bedroom, roomie!" That, and I'm comfortable here now. I'm starting to get into the groove of things (I think...er...hope?), and I would rather move in with him once I have a steady job and some solid footing in the Bay, than while I'm still back and forth between here and home.
So, if anyone is in need of a roomate, or is ditching a fairly cheap apartment, please, let me know. He'll smoke outside, and if we can't get Shinobe or Aberdeen (the cat's we're planning to get) now, that's ok! He doesn't even have a computer, so no high-speed to worry about, and I'm sure he can live without cable! He's even housebroken! (Sorry, hun... I'm not making fun of you, I promise. *grin*)
Arg. I feel better now... the knot in my head is gone. So, back to studying I go.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee...
Why is it that when one thing blows up, it can't just be that one problem, it's gotta be six billion other things at the same damned time??
I mean, take tomorrow: Why can't I just have a midterm that day? why do I have to have another class after it? And why, oh why, do I have to work 7-2pm before it?
Snarf.
Meaghan and Craig are back together. Yay, I guess. I mean, I'm happy for them, but I have my concerns about what both of them want from the relationship, and what they are going to find. But that's just me.
Sarah and Steve are duking it out over dishes now. I seem to recall something from earlier in the year... Myself saying something about how the exec living together this year wasn't the best idea... But they're going to work on it like Mature Adults. They're going to get things sorted out. Whether they want to or not...
And then, tonight at rehersal (we ran the play about 2.25 times tonight...), Steve gives us the lowdown of the new show dates. Are ya'll ready for this one?
Monday, Feb 20th: 9.30am show
Tuesday, Feb. 21st: 9.30am show
Wednesday, Feb 22nd: 9.30am show
Thursday, Feb 23rd: 9.30am show, AND 12.30pm show.
Friday, Feb 24th: We're leaving for MATTAWA (about an hour and a half south) at 8.30am in a rented VAN, for a morning and afternoon show. We should be back in town by dinner.
Sweet. Monkey. Jeebus.
I figured there would be 3-4 shows. That made sense. But 7?? and 2 of them in a different location?? BLARG. So much for catching up over reading week...
And lastly, in this train-wrek of an update I have going on: Nathan needs to find a new place to live. His Aunt Patricia has been stationed in Edmonton, so they're moving. They'll know at the end of the month when they'll be going for sure, but either way, they're leaving, and Nathan's room in their house is leaving with them. So, assuming the military gives Patricia a few months to get her affairs in order, Nathan has to apartment hunt, scrounge up first and last, and possibly find a roomate! Not to mention packing up the stuff he does have at Uncle Mikes, and finding a home for it...
Finding the apartment is going to be the first big issue... Housing up here ain't cheap, especially when you have to pay first and last, and OSAP is taking money off every paycheque...
I've been scouring the online classifieds, but haven't found much yet. Luckily, we're entering the season where students start planning for accomidations for next year, so I'm hoping some apartments are going to be coming available. I feel bad, because I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him, so I can't say "I'll go in with you on a 1 or two bedroom, roomie!" That, and I'm comfortable here now. I'm starting to get into the groove of things (I think...er...hope?), and I would rather move in with him once I have a steady job and some solid footing in the Bay, than while I'm still back and forth between here and home.
So, if anyone is in need of a roomate, or is ditching a fairly cheap apartment, please, let me know. He'll smoke outside, and if we can't get Shinobe or Aberdeen (the cat's we're planning to get) now, that's ok! He doesn't even have a computer, so no high-speed to worry about, and I'm sure he can live without cable! He's even housebroken! (Sorry, hun... I'm not making fun of you, I promise. *grin*)
Arg. I feel better now... the knot in my head is gone. So, back to studying I go.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee...
January 31, 2006
Something's gotta give
Hate to be a downer, so I'll try and keep this bit short:
I slept through 2 classes yesterday, and left the last one early so I could come home and sleep. I took today off of classes, but am still compleatly exhausted. My room is chaos, the car's at Canadian Tire (belt came off, coolant was low and there's something's losing pressure = $106.91 that I don't have...), and the paycheque I will finally get on Friday is already gone. All this, and I've misplaced my work schedule. BLARG.
BUT...
I have a man who loves me unconditionally and who would give anything for me, whom I love in return and am willing to fight for, I have friends who help me in so many ways, from buying me lunch to just talking, I have a home with two boys who are excessivly patient with me, I am able to attend a recognized, if not highly corrupt, University in a good town.
But still, something's gotta give, and it CAN"T be me.
I had plans for today: I was going to sleep in, watch a couple of episodes of Angel, then clean up my room enough that it doesn't reflect the chaos of when I am here. Instead, though I did sleep in, I got up later than I planned, watched a few episodes of Angel AND all the special features with Nathan (who came over to visit before work), then went to rehersal. Now I'm home and exausted, with no money to buy the Advil that will kill the pounding, throbbing, swolen pain in my head.
So, my room is still a mess, I'm still tired, I'm still poor... But at least I feel that I've accomplished some things this week, like writing an article for National Self-Injury Awareness Day for Ducky for the Hibou. And I've almost caught up on my readings for Learning (I'm about 2 chapters behind), so then I can start on my catch-up for Psych of Ed and PSL. I haven't finished Little Women, but I've got a chapter left on Glengarry School Days, and I've read almost all the other books for this term.
(I found my schedual!! Yay!!)
K, so here it is...
Tomorrow (Wednesday): Learning 3.30-5pm, NSIAD meeting, 5ish-6.30, Drama 6.30-9.30pm
Thursday: Cleaning of all sorts, then Kid Lit 6.30-8.30, rehersal 8.30 to probably 10.30pm
Friday: (here's the tricky bit...) Work 6-2pm, go to Canadian Tire, pick up car, Go to Bank, deposit remaining cash for Rent/Internet bill, Go to Vagina Monologues rehersal @ 3-6.30pm
Saturday: Work 4-7 pm
Sunday: Laundry to no end.
Over the next couple of days, I want to start posting a bit more about things I've found, things I'm greatful for and things I've accomplished. I feel like I've gotten back into the habit of using this only to vent, whine and be tragic.
Really, life isn't that bad.
I slept through 2 classes yesterday, and left the last one early so I could come home and sleep. I took today off of classes, but am still compleatly exhausted. My room is chaos, the car's at Canadian Tire (belt came off, coolant was low and there's something's losing pressure = $106.91 that I don't have...), and the paycheque I will finally get on Friday is already gone. All this, and I've misplaced my work schedule. BLARG.
BUT...
I have a man who loves me unconditionally and who would give anything for me, whom I love in return and am willing to fight for, I have friends who help me in so many ways, from buying me lunch to just talking, I have a home with two boys who are excessivly patient with me, I am able to attend a recognized, if not highly corrupt, University in a good town.
But still, something's gotta give, and it CAN"T be me.
I had plans for today: I was going to sleep in, watch a couple of episodes of Angel, then clean up my room enough that it doesn't reflect the chaos of when I am here. Instead, though I did sleep in, I got up later than I planned, watched a few episodes of Angel AND all the special features with Nathan (who came over to visit before work), then went to rehersal. Now I'm home and exausted, with no money to buy the Advil that will kill the pounding, throbbing, swolen pain in my head.
So, my room is still a mess, I'm still tired, I'm still poor... But at least I feel that I've accomplished some things this week, like writing an article for National Self-Injury Awareness Day for Ducky for the Hibou. And I've almost caught up on my readings for Learning (I'm about 2 chapters behind), so then I can start on my catch-up for Psych of Ed and PSL. I haven't finished Little Women, but I've got a chapter left on Glengarry School Days, and I've read almost all the other books for this term.
(I found my schedual!! Yay!!)
K, so here it is...
Tomorrow (Wednesday): Learning 3.30-5pm, NSIAD meeting, 5ish-6.30, Drama 6.30-9.30pm
Thursday: Cleaning of all sorts, then Kid Lit 6.30-8.30, rehersal 8.30 to probably 10.30pm
Friday: (here's the tricky bit...) Work 6-2pm, go to Canadian Tire, pick up car, Go to Bank, deposit remaining cash for Rent/Internet bill, Go to Vagina Monologues rehersal @ 3-6.30pm
Saturday: Work 4-7 pm
Sunday: Laundry to no end.
Over the next couple of days, I want to start posting a bit more about things I've found, things I'm greatful for and things I've accomplished. I feel like I've gotten back into the habit of using this only to vent, whine and be tragic.
Really, life isn't that bad.
January 19, 2006
Before Bed
I don't really have anything fun and exciting to contribute tonight. This is mostly (but not compleatly) because the early shifts at Lucky 13 are eating my brain. Seriously, I"m starting to lose my mind. I forget pretty big things (like the fact that I drove to rehersal tonight, so I didn't have to leave early to catch the bus...), and that 4pm is earlier than 5pm.
I've also not been sticking to my self-made schedual. Maybe because I feel like dropping dead as soon as I get home from wherever I am. The Wednesday schedual for this week (Which basically involoved getting to bed at a decent hour) was warped a bit because of the massive ice storm that hit North Bay the night before. I still had to go into work, and I still had to go to my 3.30pm class, but my late class was cancelled. Nathan came over though, and by the time he left (8pm) I was pretty much done for the night. This may be an issue in the future. I'm slightly concerned about it, but I think we can work on it.
Work today was crap. Busy-busy. And tomorrow I may have to train a new girl. Blarg. Then I have rehersal for Wierd Kid (yeah, I pretty much found out about this tonight...) tomorrow until 11pm in the theatre. Saturday is going to be my catch-up day. Nathan: this time, you have my authorization to be a hard-ass about cleaning and reading on saturday. If I don't... well, the word "screwed" comes to mind.
I shoveled half the driveway tonight when I got home from work, but by the time I got the part behind my car done, my back was starting to give. Hopefully I'll be able to do the other half before it snows/rains again.
Other than that... Yeah. I need to drink more water. Dehydration sucks. I started taking a multi-vitamin along with the iron supliments, so hopefully the nausea, the constant fatigue and the disorientation I've been experiancing will soon start to subside. If not... well... I'll need to start booking all Sundays off, I guess. God, that would NOT suck...Maybe I'll think about it.
Sleeptime now. Update Sunday, if not before.
Chaio.
I've also not been sticking to my self-made schedual. Maybe because I feel like dropping dead as soon as I get home from wherever I am. The Wednesday schedual for this week (Which basically involoved getting to bed at a decent hour) was warped a bit because of the massive ice storm that hit North Bay the night before. I still had to go into work, and I still had to go to my 3.30pm class, but my late class was cancelled. Nathan came over though, and by the time he left (8pm) I was pretty much done for the night. This may be an issue in the future. I'm slightly concerned about it, but I think we can work on it.
Work today was crap. Busy-busy. And tomorrow I may have to train a new girl. Blarg. Then I have rehersal for Wierd Kid (yeah, I pretty much found out about this tonight...) tomorrow until 11pm in the theatre. Saturday is going to be my catch-up day. Nathan: this time, you have my authorization to be a hard-ass about cleaning and reading on saturday. If I don't... well, the word "screwed" comes to mind.
I shoveled half the driveway tonight when I got home from work, but by the time I got the part behind my car done, my back was starting to give. Hopefully I'll be able to do the other half before it snows/rains again.
Other than that... Yeah. I need to drink more water. Dehydration sucks. I started taking a multi-vitamin along with the iron supliments, so hopefully the nausea, the constant fatigue and the disorientation I've been experiancing will soon start to subside. If not... well... I'll need to start booking all Sundays off, I guess. God, that would NOT suck...Maybe I'll think about it.
Sleeptime now. Update Sunday, if not before.
Chaio.
January 10, 2006
News
This will be quick, as I'm very tired.
1)Had an appointment with Angela Cupido today. She had me make an appointment with Dr. Gooderim for later this week to have my meds re-evaluated. Angela said she could feel the anxiety vibrating off of me, and since effexor causes anxiety...
2)Either Dr. Gooderim or Angela will be refering me to a psychiatrist in town. It might be a while before I get in, but at least it's progress.
3)I need $116 for my learning text book, and the course pack for PSL isn't even printed yet.
4)I'm still revising my new "schedual", but this is kinda-sorta what I have right now (starting tomorrow, so Tuesday)
Daily: Dishes, 1/2 hour of cleaning an area/room
As Needed: Shovel Driveway, steps
Sunday: Readings, Studying/Essay prep/Assignment prep (1/2 hour per class, or as time allows)
Monday: Garbage to curb
Tuesday: Grocery Shopping, Readings
Wednesday: Laundry
Thursday: closet/drawers
Friday: General once-over of house, Organize/re-type notes, Leftover Readings
Saturday: cook for the week, Readings, (Including any lines that need memorizing)
Ok, so it looks kinda wimpy now... But I'm trying to account for days like Monday and Wednesday when I'm at school from 3-10 (yes, 10pm...Busses in this town are less than dependable), work's shift explosion, rehersals Tuesday and Thursday nights, and other stuff. Fun stuff. Like personal time not spent sleeping.
Speaking of which, today, Nathat bought me the complete Chronicals of Narnia (all 7 books in one volume), so I have more books to read in my down time. Which leads me to my final thought of the night: something that came up in Psych of Ed. tonight. There, it refered to memory, and it usually refers to muscle tone, but it's applyable to the brain too:
You don't use it, you lose it.
Until next time, amigos.
1)Had an appointment with Angela Cupido today. She had me make an appointment with Dr. Gooderim for later this week to have my meds re-evaluated. Angela said she could feel the anxiety vibrating off of me, and since effexor causes anxiety...
2)Either Dr. Gooderim or Angela will be refering me to a psychiatrist in town. It might be a while before I get in, but at least it's progress.
3)I need $116 for my learning text book, and the course pack for PSL isn't even printed yet.
4)I'm still revising my new "schedual", but this is kinda-sorta what I have right now (starting tomorrow, so Tuesday)
Daily: Dishes, 1/2 hour of cleaning an area/room
As Needed: Shovel Driveway, steps
Sunday: Readings, Studying/Essay prep/Assignment prep (1/2 hour per class, or as time allows)
Monday: Garbage to curb
Tuesday: Grocery Shopping, Readings
Wednesday: Laundry
Thursday: closet/drawers
Friday: General once-over of house, Organize/re-type notes, Leftover Readings
Saturday: cook for the week, Readings, (Including any lines that need memorizing)
Ok, so it looks kinda wimpy now... But I'm trying to account for days like Monday and Wednesday when I'm at school from 3-10 (yes, 10pm...Busses in this town are less than dependable), work's shift explosion, rehersals Tuesday and Thursday nights, and other stuff. Fun stuff. Like personal time not spent sleeping.
Speaking of which, today, Nathat bought me the complete Chronicals of Narnia (all 7 books in one volume), so I have more books to read in my down time. Which leads me to my final thought of the night: something that came up in Psych of Ed. tonight. There, it refered to memory, and it usually refers to muscle tone, but it's applyable to the brain too:
You don't use it, you lose it.
Until next time, amigos.
December 21, 2005
Good Stuffs, and New Stuffs.
So, some interesting things have happened over the last few days.
First, and most importantly, Nathan got a new job. He will be starting at Teletech on Jan. 2nd. Yay, and congratulations sweetie! You're going to do so well!
Second, I got 3 (possibly 4, I have to call back tomorrow) shifts at Unifine after Christmas. Which totally rocks... though, they're all days shifts, so early mornings... but what the heck. I need the cash.
Third, I have interesting news on the medical front: Dr. Chin raised my Effexor from 150mg to 220 mg. That's a rather expensive jump, as I now have to take 2 seperate pills a night. Once those are out, though, I may be switching one of the amounts to a equal dosage of Welbutrin, as it may cancel out some of the side effects I've been noticing.
Also, she had a nurse take 4 vials of blood out of me (which I wasn't terribly pleased with, but I lived through it) to test my liver function, as well as a few other things, because I've been bruising easily, and my gums have started bleeding when I brush my teeth. That, and I'm still not healing well. so tomorrow, I've got to make an appointment for before I head back to go over the results. As long as they don't tell me I'm dying or pregnant, I'll be more than happy.
That's all for tonight. Just good things happening, finally. I thought the bad luck would never end.
First, and most importantly, Nathan got a new job. He will be starting at Teletech on Jan. 2nd. Yay, and congratulations sweetie! You're going to do so well!
Second, I got 3 (possibly 4, I have to call back tomorrow) shifts at Unifine after Christmas. Which totally rocks... though, they're all days shifts, so early mornings... but what the heck. I need the cash.
Third, I have interesting news on the medical front: Dr. Chin raised my Effexor from 150mg to 220 mg. That's a rather expensive jump, as I now have to take 2 seperate pills a night. Once those are out, though, I may be switching one of the amounts to a equal dosage of Welbutrin, as it may cancel out some of the side effects I've been noticing.
Also, she had a nurse take 4 vials of blood out of me (which I wasn't terribly pleased with, but I lived through it) to test my liver function, as well as a few other things, because I've been bruising easily, and my gums have started bleeding when I brush my teeth. That, and I'm still not healing well. so tomorrow, I've got to make an appointment for before I head back to go over the results. As long as they don't tell me I'm dying or pregnant, I'll be more than happy.
That's all for tonight. Just good things happening, finally. I thought the bad luck would never end.
December 11, 2005
Hell Day, and the great Quest
Hell Day is that one day out of the term that every student experiances. This is the day when you realize that if you don't get everything done by tomorrow, you're screwed. For some poor souls, this day is actually a week. For me, it probably should have been a weekend...
The Great Quest for today is to get everything finished, even if I have to drown in coffee doing it. Nathan is here, making sure that nothing distracts me, and that I have nothing to worry about other than my work.
The Notebook is first. This one will likely be divided into segments: first, finish the script aspect. Second, the detailing, and third, the 1000 word essay explaining my choices. The essay will be dead simple, as everything I've done/changed was for a specific reason.
The Dictionary Report will be next, as it's the next shortest of the projects. It shouldn't take me more than an hour, and is relativly straight forward.
The Essay-Essay, that one will be a challenge. However, I've switched my book from Ivanhoe to 1984, and Caroline said that it's an easy read. All I have to do is prove that it's a romance, and Wikipedia will be helpful in that.
Really, it's not that much. It's noon now... I'm hoping to get all of this done with some time left over to study for the exam tomorrow.
Nathan is so awsome. He wants to do anything to help me. Sometimes I feel like I"m abusing that privilage, but he assures me that I'm not, and that helping me makes him happy, because it takes a load off my back.
I'll likely post again when I have everything done, and again at least once before I leave for the holidays. Seeing as North Bay is under about a foot of snow right now... I won't be going anywhere today.
Onward with the Quest!
9pm Update:
Well folks, 9 hours have passed, and part of the journey is complete. The "Notebook" part of the notebook is done, just lacking illustrations and notes which can be put in later on, and the essay part is nearing completion. I've read a summary of 1984, and I'm almost certain I can prove that it is a romance of sorts. I anticipate that within 2 hours, I'll be able to start that adventure.
As usual, things are taking a little longer than expected, but that's ok. I figured this would be an all nighter anyways, so I'm ready for it. After the essay, I'll whip up the report, then read some summaries of the novels from the course. That should be enough to refresh what memory I have.
The Great Quest for today is to get everything finished, even if I have to drown in coffee doing it. Nathan is here, making sure that nothing distracts me, and that I have nothing to worry about other than my work.
The Notebook is first. This one will likely be divided into segments: first, finish the script aspect. Second, the detailing, and third, the 1000 word essay explaining my choices. The essay will be dead simple, as everything I've done/changed was for a specific reason.
The Dictionary Report will be next, as it's the next shortest of the projects. It shouldn't take me more than an hour, and is relativly straight forward.
The Essay-Essay, that one will be a challenge. However, I've switched my book from Ivanhoe to 1984, and Caroline said that it's an easy read. All I have to do is prove that it's a romance, and Wikipedia will be helpful in that.
Really, it's not that much. It's noon now... I'm hoping to get all of this done with some time left over to study for the exam tomorrow.
Nathan is so awsome. He wants to do anything to help me. Sometimes I feel like I"m abusing that privilage, but he assures me that I'm not, and that helping me makes him happy, because it takes a load off my back.
I'll likely post again when I have everything done, and again at least once before I leave for the holidays. Seeing as North Bay is under about a foot of snow right now... I won't be going anywhere today.
Onward with the Quest!
9pm Update:
Well folks, 9 hours have passed, and part of the journey is complete. The "Notebook" part of the notebook is done, just lacking illustrations and notes which can be put in later on, and the essay part is nearing completion. I've read a summary of 1984, and I'm almost certain I can prove that it is a romance of sorts. I anticipate that within 2 hours, I'll be able to start that adventure.
As usual, things are taking a little longer than expected, but that's ok. I figured this would be an all nighter anyways, so I'm ready for it. After the essay, I'll whip up the report, then read some summaries of the novels from the course. That should be enough to refresh what memory I have.
December 5, 2005
Almost
*closes eyes*
*hands on table*
*deep breaths, focusing on being grounded*
"I will survive this. It is almost over. I can do this."
*few more deep breaths*
The above is a mantra that keeps going through my head. There is little more than a week left of classes... And I'm ok. I'm still shamefully behind, but other than that, I'm dealing.
I got the PSL essay done. Actually, I got it done and emailed to Sal at Exactly 3am after my last post. Nathan was increadably encouraging, using his whole battle analogies and such to make me feel less stuck.
Now I have the Director's Notebook. I decided to conquer it before the Romance Essay, for two reasons: 1)I'd rather do something that I'm good at, something that I want to do, before I throw myself into something that will be more horrendous than the PSL essay, and 2)Lucas does not accept late assignments. At all.
So, that, and Studying for my midterms, is basically the task for the next couple of days. After Wednesday, I can write the Romance Essay and the Dictionary report, and be done with all of it. YAY! The end is approaching!
Yeah!
*hands on table*
*deep breaths, focusing on being grounded*
"I will survive this. It is almost over. I can do this."
*few more deep breaths*
The above is a mantra that keeps going through my head. There is little more than a week left of classes... And I'm ok. I'm still shamefully behind, but other than that, I'm dealing.
I got the PSL essay done. Actually, I got it done and emailed to Sal at Exactly 3am after my last post. Nathan was increadably encouraging, using his whole battle analogies and such to make me feel less stuck.
Now I have the Director's Notebook. I decided to conquer it before the Romance Essay, for two reasons: 1)I'd rather do something that I'm good at, something that I want to do, before I throw myself into something that will be more horrendous than the PSL essay, and 2)Lucas does not accept late assignments. At all.
So, that, and Studying for my midterms, is basically the task for the next couple of days. After Wednesday, I can write the Romance Essay and the Dictionary report, and be done with all of it. YAY! The end is approaching!
Yeah!
November 28, 2005
Buried under a molehill
Things are still piling up.
I'm starting to dig my way back out, but it's difficult. I'm not only fighting academia at large, I"m fighting with myself. I feel like giving up.
And I'm starting to feel that things with Nathan and myself are starting to suffer because of my selfishness. He worries about me, and I feel completely out of control. I feel as though I have no self control. He wants to help me, but, over the weekend at home, I started to feel like I don't want to be helped. Even though the majority of my lifestyle is completely unhealthy, I don't want to change. It's horrid and weak and cowardly, and that just makes me feel worse.
My computer is still slowly frying itself, though I think I"ve killed off the largest part of the problem. That's why I"m in the computer lab right now, pretending to be part of what sounds like a psych/nursing class. I don't really want to go home yet.
Nathan and I are going to start working on Feng Shuing my room. Trying to make it more home-y, more comfortable. Personally, I'd rather just throw the mattress on the floor and...
Pillow Fort.
The last time I started thinking about living in a pillow fort on lemon water and frozen grapes, I wound up a wreck. Maybe it's time to up the dosage again. Mom is making me an appt. with Dr. Chin for my first week home (somewhere between the chiropracter, the optometrist and the hair stylist...), so maybe I will see what she thinks. It could just be the crappy weather, It could be stress. It could be a sign of another problem.
I love Nathan. I just feel over stretched.
I didn't get any shifts at work again this week. I nearly cried when I found out, not because I love to work, but because this will equal out to 2 small paycheques...
I just want to curl up and wait for this to just blow over. Why couldn't I have just been a house cat?
I'm starting to dig my way back out, but it's difficult. I'm not only fighting academia at large, I"m fighting with myself. I feel like giving up.
And I'm starting to feel that things with Nathan and myself are starting to suffer because of my selfishness. He worries about me, and I feel completely out of control. I feel as though I have no self control. He wants to help me, but, over the weekend at home, I started to feel like I don't want to be helped. Even though the majority of my lifestyle is completely unhealthy, I don't want to change. It's horrid and weak and cowardly, and that just makes me feel worse.
My computer is still slowly frying itself, though I think I"ve killed off the largest part of the problem. That's why I"m in the computer lab right now, pretending to be part of what sounds like a psych/nursing class. I don't really want to go home yet.
Nathan and I are going to start working on Feng Shuing my room. Trying to make it more home-y, more comfortable. Personally, I'd rather just throw the mattress on the floor and...
Pillow Fort.
The last time I started thinking about living in a pillow fort on lemon water and frozen grapes, I wound up a wreck. Maybe it's time to up the dosage again. Mom is making me an appt. with Dr. Chin for my first week home (somewhere between the chiropracter, the optometrist and the hair stylist...), so maybe I will see what she thinks. It could just be the crappy weather, It could be stress. It could be a sign of another problem.
I love Nathan. I just feel over stretched.
I didn't get any shifts at work again this week. I nearly cried when I found out, not because I love to work, but because this will equal out to 2 small paycheques...
I just want to curl up and wait for this to just blow over. Why couldn't I have just been a house cat?
November 20, 2005
The life and times of a Sparky...
So, recent happenings have happened. Nothing horribly new or exciting, just life in my world.
1) Work makes me angry. I got no hours next week, so I'll get a paycheque on Friday which will be enough to fill the car for the voyage home this weekend, but the next one will be crap. And, I'm not sure if I'll get the next one before I go home. In any case, it won't be enough to cover Christmas shopping (not that I can really start, because I don't have lists from anyone yet...).
I had another wonderful shift closing the resteraunt last night. I stayed 2 hours over, knowing that I won't get paid for it. Why? Because we aren't supposed to leave until all of our chores are done. And because I was called in to replace someone who left (it was a real emergency, so I don't mind), I walked into a mess. And the girl who was supposed to be helping me didn't.
I've calmed down about it since last night (which is why I'm posting about it now, and not then, because there was ranting last night, and it wasn't that pleasent), but I'm still feeling a little peeved. I mean, I understand why they can't pay me for the overtime, sort of, but I'd appreciate either a thank you, or some re-training. I still don't see how it's possibly to close the resteraunt in 15 minutes.
Ducky's said, a few times now, and I agree with her, that people have a tendancy (especially recently), of bitching and chewing about things, when they could be expending that energy to change it, so they don't have to bitch anymore. I guess my problem is that, right now, I really don't know how to fix this. Blarg.
2)The race to the finishline is on. That's right, children, there are about 3 weeks left until exams begin. So papers and assignments a go-go for me. Which won't be so bad, if I can just sit down and get them done...
3)I'm going home Friday! Wheee! I'm really looking forward to it, just to have a break from the ordinary.
4) I saw Harry Potter on Friday night, and a bit of it again last night (BitTorent is fun!). It was Fan-friggin-tastic! I will note, though, that it was a bit on the scary side. And there was a point where I almost cried... infact, I would have, if I wasn't scared at the same time.
5) My Name is Sparky, and I have a Sugar Addiction. I'm admitting it, as part of a 2 step program. Step 1 is admitting, Step 2 is... well, cold turky. I want to, but... well, we'll see how it goes. Mom's already told me that she's banned all sugar (except chocolate) from the house from now until Christmas Eve, and that she's going to drag my flabby butt back to Curves while I'm at home. Yes, folks, it's nothing but fun when your mother weighs less than 100 lbs and works in a women's gym...
6) I'm throwing a Holiday Kitchen Party. I'm thinking about doing it on the 9th of December, pretty much all day. Details will be going out to everyone as soon as my PSL papers are done tomorrow night. All are invited, donations of alcohol are welcome, and greatly appreciated (for once, I'd like to see Mike's bar grow instead of thin out after a gathering...) After doing catering in the resteraunt, I know now how to do veggie platters in less than an hour, and there will likely be finger sandwiches and christmas cookies for all. Good Times.
7) Nathan and I have a busy week ahead, as it's his birthday week, and there are things to be done before we head for London. Nathan will be going to Chisolm tomorrow for the night, to hang out with his dad, and *cough* HOPEFULLY REMEMBER TO BRING HIS TOOLS HOME SO HE CAN START WORKING ON THAT HOBBY THING WE TALKED ABOUT... ;) And I will be working feverishly on what's left of my PSL paper, as well as reading Ivanhoe for my Romance paper. Tuesday, I'll be in class from 10.30-3.30, while he's at work from 1-5. After he's done work, we're going to his mother's for dinner, after which I'll be heading to rehersal. Hopefully, we'll reherse this time... Wednesday is another day of me doing that stupid paper, while he's at work. Thursday, aside from packing, I'll be (hopefully) finishing the paper, visiting with Angela from 2.30-3.30, then playing Risk with Ryan, Ash and Nathan after class and rehersal. Friday, we'll head out around 9am, assuming the weather is good. I'll check the 5-day in a bit.
That's pretty much it for now. My Drama Notebook got moved from being due November 23 to December 7, which ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!! Whole load of pressure went off my chest that night. Whooo!
Anyways, just thought I'd update y'all on the doin's happenin'.
Back to Work!
1) Work makes me angry. I got no hours next week, so I'll get a paycheque on Friday which will be enough to fill the car for the voyage home this weekend, but the next one will be crap. And, I'm not sure if I'll get the next one before I go home. In any case, it won't be enough to cover Christmas shopping (not that I can really start, because I don't have lists from anyone yet...).
I had another wonderful shift closing the resteraunt last night. I stayed 2 hours over, knowing that I won't get paid for it. Why? Because we aren't supposed to leave until all of our chores are done. And because I was called in to replace someone who left (it was a real emergency, so I don't mind), I walked into a mess. And the girl who was supposed to be helping me didn't.
I've calmed down about it since last night (which is why I'm posting about it now, and not then, because there was ranting last night, and it wasn't that pleasent), but I'm still feeling a little peeved. I mean, I understand why they can't pay me for the overtime, sort of, but I'd appreciate either a thank you, or some re-training. I still don't see how it's possibly to close the resteraunt in 15 minutes.
Ducky's said, a few times now, and I agree with her, that people have a tendancy (especially recently), of bitching and chewing about things, when they could be expending that energy to change it, so they don't have to bitch anymore. I guess my problem is that, right now, I really don't know how to fix this. Blarg.
2)The race to the finishline is on. That's right, children, there are about 3 weeks left until exams begin. So papers and assignments a go-go for me. Which won't be so bad, if I can just sit down and get them done...
3)I'm going home Friday! Wheee! I'm really looking forward to it, just to have a break from the ordinary.
4) I saw Harry Potter on Friday night, and a bit of it again last night (BitTorent is fun!). It was Fan-friggin-tastic! I will note, though, that it was a bit on the scary side. And there was a point where I almost cried... infact, I would have, if I wasn't scared at the same time.
5) My Name is Sparky, and I have a Sugar Addiction. I'm admitting it, as part of a 2 step program. Step 1 is admitting, Step 2 is... well, cold turky. I want to, but... well, we'll see how it goes. Mom's already told me that she's banned all sugar (except chocolate) from the house from now until Christmas Eve, and that she's going to drag my flabby butt back to Curves while I'm at home. Yes, folks, it's nothing but fun when your mother weighs less than 100 lbs and works in a women's gym...
6) I'm throwing a Holiday Kitchen Party. I'm thinking about doing it on the 9th of December, pretty much all day. Details will be going out to everyone as soon as my PSL papers are done tomorrow night. All are invited, donations of alcohol are welcome, and greatly appreciated (for once, I'd like to see Mike's bar grow instead of thin out after a gathering...) After doing catering in the resteraunt, I know now how to do veggie platters in less than an hour, and there will likely be finger sandwiches and christmas cookies for all. Good Times.
7) Nathan and I have a busy week ahead, as it's his birthday week, and there are things to be done before we head for London. Nathan will be going to Chisolm tomorrow for the night, to hang out with his dad, and *cough* HOPEFULLY REMEMBER TO BRING HIS TOOLS HOME SO HE CAN START WORKING ON THAT HOBBY THING WE TALKED ABOUT... ;) And I will be working feverishly on what's left of my PSL paper, as well as reading Ivanhoe for my Romance paper. Tuesday, I'll be in class from 10.30-3.30, while he's at work from 1-5. After he's done work, we're going to his mother's for dinner, after which I'll be heading to rehersal. Hopefully, we'll reherse this time... Wednesday is another day of me doing that stupid paper, while he's at work. Thursday, aside from packing, I'll be (hopefully) finishing the paper, visiting with Angela from 2.30-3.30, then playing Risk with Ryan, Ash and Nathan after class and rehersal. Friday, we'll head out around 9am, assuming the weather is good. I'll check the 5-day in a bit.
That's pretty much it for now. My Drama Notebook got moved from being due November 23 to December 7, which ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!! Whole load of pressure went off my chest that night. Whooo!
Anyways, just thought I'd update y'all on the doin's happenin'.
Back to Work!
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