Idle

I'm just puttering along at this point. I have my projects to do per day (todays is my Drama paper, and downloading more Criminal Minds), but other than that... blah. And that's not as cool as it sounds. I have no ambition. I should be wanting to go out and hang out in the sun for a bit. I should be wanting to go for a drive, at least to buy bread. I should want to do something because of the plain and simple fact that I should be bored. But I'm not, really.

I'm looking forward to going home, but not to working. I'm looking forward to Canadore next year, but there's this nagging piece of the back of my mind that says that maybe I'm going in the wrong direction. I'm looking forward to being done for the year, but the year's gone so fast that I feel like I"m missing something.

And another thing... I've found that more people read my blog, not to mention post comments, when I'm angry. Just saying...

I've been keeping the journal still, when there's something worth writing about. So far, I'm drinking half what I should be in water (less after this past weekend), and getting about half the veggie intake that I should. Of course, I'm broke right now, thanks to mom's push for a make-over, and can't afford to go out and buy the healthy stuff. That, and I'm still not really all that hungry. Mostly because eating involves moving, and right now, I'm happy to lie on my bed like a lizard on a rock and soak up some uv-filtered sun.

I still feel trapped. I know by what, but I'm not sure how to get myself to admit to it. I feel like I"m wasting time.

Maybe I feel like I'm idling because there's no push to get things done... other than the essay. I mean, there are no classes, I'm still not getting shifts at the Lucky, I have no reason to go out, other than the fact that I"m running out of essentials. Maybe I"ll just run to a Mack's Mart in a bit.

Anyone else feeling like this?

Rainy night...

I haven't updated in a while. I know this... I used to update at least once per day. Now, not so much. I think you all deserve to know why.

I feel like re-warmed hell. I'm constantly dizzy or nauseous or sore in one form or another. I feel like I'm high when I know for sure I'm not. I've started saying things that I don't mean... or that I don't know that I mean, or... Things that don't mean anything. I realize as soon as I've said it what a mistake it was to talk, but I keep talking.

Basically, I'm back to baseline, and I can't deal with it.

So, obviously, my motivation to talk about my life is gone. Nothing is happening... Or it is, and I just can't... I can't talk. I want to, but talking is almost re-living it, and making it worse.

So, suffice it to say that things, emotionally and mentally, are not going well. I'm not saying that this is the end of the blog, because it's definatly not, I just... might not be updating for a while. I feel hollowed out and re-stuffed, and I hate it... And I'm not sure I want to talk about it. Things should be getting better soon. The rest of this week, and the following week, will likely be more of the above, but after that, things should start getting better again. I hope.

Sorry all. I love my Epic Sparky, and I will be back... I promise. Right now, it's just to hard.

Good Luck on exams and such, and Chin up!

-Sparky

Whack!

It's official, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Remember how I was saying that my workload is going to be looney this year? Well, today, I signed on to work with The Hibou, Nipissing's Official Newspaper. Yeah, I know, I've turned to the dark side, but I won't be pushing NUSU propaganda, just reporting on clubs and upcoming events. It's actually something I've wanted to do for a while... It's just another thing for me to organize.

Organization has become a major focus for improvement in my life. I'm starting to realize that it is possible to do all the things I want to do, and need to do, it's just a matter of making the time to do it, and sticking to a schedual.

For Example: I'm taking Tuesdays, from 4pm on, as HOME-WORK TIME. This includes:

-Housekeeping
-readings (as they're actually essential this year in at least 3 of my courses
-Journals/Assignments
-Studying (pre-emptive strike, you could say)
-Hibouing.

I'm also going to try and get into a sleep schedual. I want to be able to go to bed before midnight, and be up by 9am every day at the latest. If I can do this, I can split my Home-Work days between Tuesday nights and Thursday Mornings.

This also frees up Friday, Saturday and Sunday for Work, Gaming, Unexpected stuff and Nathan.

I told my mom about him tonight. I swear I haven't heard her that excited since Ash and Josh finally hooked up. She's an odd woman. :)

To end the night (as I have things I have to do before I meet Nathan at 11pm), A list of my Due Dates to Date, just so people can keep track. If I wander the halls looking like a zombie, this is why:

Sept 20: Deadline for Hibou Submissions
Sept 26: Romance Journal #1 Due
Nov 14: Psych of Ed. Test #1
Nov 17: Kid Lit Journal #1 Due
Nov 22: Philosophy of Sex and Love (PSL) Essay #1 Due
Nov 28: Romance Journal #2 Due
Nov 28: Psych of Ed CD-ROM Assn. Due
Dec 6: PSL MIDTERM
Dec 7: Romance Dictionary Rpt. Due

...Ok, so I have most of October free. Vanessa's Dad's wedding is the 1st, I'm taking her to her dentist's appt. on the 7th, Blue Rodeo is the 23rd, plus Reading Week #1...

Yeesh.

Hit the ground running

So I've been putting some thought into how I'm going to go about organizing myself this year (here we go...). Why did this come about? Well, I got talking to my friend Ange this morning, and she told me that she's going to be on a double-overload this year. For you non-U kids out there, and means this: I'm on a full course load, so I'm in 5 classes per term. She's in 2 over and above that. And probably, 2 full year cources. Yikes.

So I thought, if she can pull THAT off, I should be able to pull off 30credits (which is a regular full course load in credit-speak) no problem. If she can't... well, let's not think about that.

So, I took some time today, did a bit more reading (another few chapters didn't put a huge dent in the book, but it's something), and got thinking about the out-of-class stuf I need to get accomplished. And where else would I put a to-do list but here?

1. NipWork: filled out the forms, but I need some info from mom and dad, who are currently on vacation. Hopefully, Ash can find it at the house, and I can get my application in by Monday.

2. Proof of Registration: I need to prove to the bank that my student line of credit is STILL a student line of credit.

3. Canadore: I need to stop in and talk to them about applying to the Addictions/Mental Health worker program next year, just incase I don't get into Teacher's college. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I think that might be a better program for me, but we'll wait and see.

4. Carley: I need to get in touch with Rod and see if he actually does want my help this year. He's teaching at Canadore (Theatre Arts) AND at Nip (Engligh/Theatre Arts), so if I can get in, I want to know a) if I need to go through Canadore's paperwork mess, and b) what exactly it is I will be doing.

5. Schedual: I need to drop one off to the Lucky 13 so I can see about getting my job back there.

6. Stokes: I need to get in touch with him and see if he still wants a student teacher, but I want to see what Carley says first, because I get the feeling that I will get more class-time working with him.

7. Book list: I know I need one course pack from Print Plus, I just don't know what else I need... And what else I can get for cheap from Allison's.

And now I'm going out to dinner with Vanessa. And then I'm coming back and hanging out with Mike and co.

Did Stuff...

Yeah. I did stuff today. Woo.

I dropped of some resumes, and bought some pretty pillows and hangers, and tix for the Trews Unplugged... and then I kinda hung out here and downloaded stuff... Thought about going for a walk, but didn't...

Blah.

Not that I'm really complaining, but I just feel... Lazy. Like I really should be accomplishing things now, before all hell breaks loose, but Something inside keeps telling me no. Of course, we've all heard this before. I really did want to change that this year.

I guess I'm making small changes. I've actually lost a lot more weight than I thought, so I want to keep it off. I'm stretching every morning when I get up, and again before I go to bed, which is helping my posture, and I'm sleeping better too. Plus, I'm trying to learn to listen to my body more: asking myself, am I hungry, or just bored? Or am I thirsty? And if I am hungry, what is it that my body is telling me I need? Bread? Something Sweet? It makes a big difference.

Also, I got a rather bizarre email from Justin, one of the cooks at Richardsons, basically stating that he just found out that I didn't know that he has a girlfriend (which was a bit of a shock...), and that he was sorry that I developed feelings for him, and that I thought there was a chance for us, and that if I'd been more forward sooner, we could have avoided this...

I'm not sure I actually developed feelings for him, other than "wow, I'd like to boink you a few times". We were flirting pretty hard core, but he does that with everyone, so I wasn't sure I should have been taking it seriously anyways. So I almost felt strange that I wasn't hurt. Maybe it's just a bit of my past, tugging at my sleeve and saying: "Hey, what about me?" And I see it, and what could have happened... I don't know, it's strange.

Good, but strange. Hell, seeing Todd with Trista and not wanting to break some spines is good but strange. Maybe I'm heading to a calmer place. OR maybe I'm just in some kind of deep, cognitive shock and all of the negative energies stemming from my relationships is just funneling into a destructive ball of pent up rage and agression which will continue to build in size and intensity until I DO actually go on a homicidal spree and rip the balls off of every man in a five mile radious...

But at least my hair will look good in the process.

My hair is AWSOME! And it's so soft!! and all it took was 5 minutes with the blowdryer (2nd day hair). And the colour is holding quite well! *gush!*

So, yeah. Got some stuff accomplished today, but it doesn't feel like much. Tomorrow night, I'm supposed to be going out with Ange, but I haven't heard from her yet to know what's going on. So I think I might try and get some more reading done. Or baking. Tomorrow might be a good day for a trip to the bulk store.

Mmm...Cookies...

Lava Lamps and Cheerios

I know, I haven't posted in a while. I don't really have a lot to say. Well, except maybe that I'm nervous.

I feel nervous about my exams, but I'm not really worried. It doesn't really matter if I do well or not, just whether or not I get my degree. I still have a really hard time studying. It's just boring. And I still find it hard to focus.

I'm nervous about moving into the new place. The guy that lives there now...He's been saying things about my friend: the guy I'm moving in with. About this guy, and his past... and the potential of mental illness. I don't know what to believe. And I can't ask about it, because it will get back to the guy... I don't want to make things uncomfortable this early. I'm choosing to ignore it for now. I'll see later what I want to do.

I'm nervous about going home. It's fammiliar, but different. There's no one there that I can be with like I am with the people here. Sarah and I sat for about a half hour today in the front yard of the building. Eating Cheerios. It was like childhood: sitting with your best friend, playing with the grass, flicking ants... I never did that with the girls at school. I can do that here. I've never been able to do that at home.

I'm also slightly worried about this flu that I'm feeling. It's like a head cold with fever... very sucky: I have an exam tomorrow. I'm also having issues with my wisdom teeth. My head feels very hurty.

But other than that, all is well. I got a blue Lava Lamp from the Chancellor's scrap table... It's rocking my world right now. Tomorrow and Thursday are going to be busy. I'll throw up a nice to-do list tomorrow.

Once my head clears.

Phoenix

So, this is more for people who I don't talk to often, but who do read this.

Today, I was supposed to get a blood test done. Long story short, I panicked (test did not get done), and after a discussion with one of the doctors at the student clinic, I'm going tomorrow (well, today, technically) for an appointment to talk about antidepressants. I know I've talked about it before, but I think it's gotten out of my control. I can come home, or sit down after doing something and be giddy and motivated and happy, and within 10 minutes be compleatly miserable, to the point of tears. In the week prior to the show, there wasn't one night where I didn't fall asleep crying. And it's as scary for me as it is for the people around me. I can't be myself around anyone anymore. I can't focus on anything. I sleep for 14 hours a night and need a nap midway through the day. In short, it's starting to affect my life negativly, and if I learned anything from my psych classes, it's that when emotion starts interfering with quality of life, it's time to seek help.

Things won't change right away, of course. When I was on Zoloft in high school, they told me that it would be 6 months before I saw any real results. Of course, all I felt from them was flatness, so I'm looking at other alternatives. In any case, I'm hoping that I will be able, by the time I get back from summer holidays, to be a more stable person. I hope that I'll be less abusive of my relationships with people. I want to feel less guilty about everything. I'd really like for the pain below my sternum to go away...

I think this has been a long time in coming. In first year, I was tested for learning disabilities, and they found low self-esteem and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) to be the problem, but it never really went from there. I don't know. Maybe it's just the time of year, but I keep getting this feeling like things are about to come falling down around me. I want to be ready when that happens: I want to be able to pull myself through.

The woman I spoke to gave me a work-sheet for anxiety and "imbalanced thoughts". This is the jist for the situation from this morning:

1. Situation: Getting Blood taken
2. Moods (rate as 0-100%): anxious - 100%, nervous - 100%
3. Automatic thoughts (Images) - I'm going to pass out, I'm going to be sick, It's going to hurt (I'm 'afraid' of pain), I'm going to panic and shred the veign. I hate needles.
4. Evidance to support "Hot thoughts" - Last time I got blood taken I passed out, I feel nauseous/dizzy thinking about it(fyi, I'm lying down right now, so I'm ok), It does hurt, when I laid down on the table today I felt myself starting to panic.
5. Evidance that does not support "Hot thoughts" - These people are trained professionals who know what they're doing. It only hurts for a few minutes. Dave was (thankfully) sitting 3 feet away if anything did happen. I wasn't actually sick last time.
6. Alternative/Balanced thoughts (rate how much you believe it 0-100%) - This is something people do every day, and shouldn't bother me (5%), Even if I do pass out, I'm in a clinic, and will be fine (95%), this won't kill me (100%), I have to do it eventually, I should suck it up and get it over with (30%)
7. Mood after Completing sheet (0-100%) anxious - 40% (I'm not in the situation anymore), nervous -20% (I don't have to do it again any time soon), guilty - 75%, angry at self - 50%.

So, really, what helped was removing myself from the situation. And for the record, I still feel lightheaded thinking about it. I mean, come on! Knowing that there is a more balanced approach does not mean that the "hot thought" is going to just go away. In fact, this made me feel almost as bad as I did walking away from the clinic, and that was almost 16 hours ago.

Ok, I'll let this go for now. I"m just trying to point out that I need help with a lot more than just relationship issues, and now I'm getting it.

Huzzah.

"Old News": The Five Year Plan

First: New News: Exam Schedual got posted.

1. Forensic Psych - April 12
2. Computers - April 20
3. Shakespeare - April 21

So, that kinda sucks. Classes end on/about April 6th, which means I'm here for a week before my first exam, and have a week between my last 2. Oh, well, at least everyone's here with me this time. :) And, I can keep working until I go home and... Start working. And, I'll be home before my birthday! Cool.

Today, I got nothing accomplished. Though, I got my Shakespeare test back: 82%!! WOO! And I spent 5.5 hours in the Caf playing Magic the Gathering. Todd would be proud.

Now, on to "Old News"

The Five year plan/Introspective Riffraff
So, I did get flowers and candy. From my parents. Well, it's better than nothing.

Moving on…

It's Tuesday, and as yet, I've gotten all of nothing done. Little bit of studying, little bit of reading, but nothing substantial. And certainly not enough to get me where I'm supposed to be for this week. Tomorrow is my busy day: I have to drive mom to work, come home, go to my doctor's appointment, come home, drive Ash to work, hang around town for an hour, come home with mom, go get Ash from work and come home. Then, I guess, we're going for dessert at Nan's. Yeah. Oh, well. I'm just glad to be at home where I don't have to deal with real people.
Parental prodding has resurrected that pesky feeling of "what's next?" and "what's my 5 year plan?" I had one, at one point… It died when I realized what I should have been doing all along… Other people have them: Ana's going to be in school, Sarah's going to be in school, then going to Japan, Todd's teaching in Timmins, then overseas, then in BC (or something like that), Dave's going to live in a box behind the Lucky 13 (so says my dad…) and I’m ____. Going to school, getting my undergrad, then… Ok, so I have 1 year planned, 4 to go. Whatever. I shouldn't care. I worry too much, and I have too much to focus on right now: future planning should be a luxury, not a necessity.

It's all Valentine's fault. Too many lovey-dovey people in the vicinity, activating the maternal instinct and the desire to settle down… Bull-pucky, all of it. I never needed a significant other to make me feel worthy until high school. That first boyfriend: that's what does it. Killed it for everyone, he did. Have one, and you want more. Kinda like a chip, or a cookie, or an ice cold gin and tonic. God, I need a drink.

The Official List

Ok, so I have 3 lists on my mirror of the things I need to do. They terrify me.

A while back, A Wise Older Friend told me that when writing essays, she would post her word count on MSN Messenger, so everyone could see how she was doing, and that gave her motivation. So, I'm going to post my checklist here. Hopefully, As the list gets smaller, I'll get more motivated:

The Projects list:
Computers Midterm - Feb 23
Shakespeare Essay #1 with Revisions - Feb 24 OR March 1
Prose: Minimalist Fiction - Feb 28
Forensic Psych Test - March 1
Computers Assignment - March 2
Forensic Psych Presentation - March 15
Computers Quiz #2 - March 16
Shakespeare Assignment: Director's Notes - March 22
Forensic Psych Assignment - March 29
Prose: Magnum Opus - TBA
Prose: Critical Review - TBA
Prose: Writing Journal - TBA

Important Days list:
March 1 - Work at Arts Centre, 10am Call, Break for test 5pm.
March 10 - Conspiracy of Three, 8pm (yes, a Wednesday, the date was re-schedualed)
**This may become an assignment: we may have to read as part of Prose.
March 23 - Sarah Slean Live @ the Wall (FREE show, as part of Dinner and a Show), time TBA

Rehersal Schedual list
Too extensive to list here... Once a real schedual is put forth, I'll post it. For right now, all that matters is:

Show Dates:
March 18 - 7pm
March 19 - 2pm (matinee), 7pm
March 20 - 2pm (matinee only)
Cast Party - TBA

So, I'll update as I go along, maybe with a short round-up at the beginning or end of the "old-news" posts. For right now, kiddies, I'm off to bed. I have to meet a man about a play tomorrow, plus study for this midterm. I figure, if I blank out on the midterm, but rock out on the Assignment, second Quiz and Exam, I should be OK. I have bigger things on my plate at the moment than a first year intro to JavaScripting.

Conflicted

Last night was another horrid night in prose fiction. Well, in truth, it wasn't that bad until after class. My Prof and I sat down for a "chat" about my grades in the class (he did this with everyone) and he called me a slacker. There was a lot of talk about "meeting me half-way" and what my potential would be if I "applied myself". I asked him about volunteering at the highschool he teaches at (he knows about my issues with low grades and acceptance into the Education program), and he told me my best bet was to finish my undergrad and then move to Rochester NY and persue a teaching degree there (which wasn't really what I asked him...) Finally he decided that he may need my help, so after the break we're going to work something out. Then I realize that a) I really, really don't have time to do this, even thought I both want to and need to, if I'm going to get into the program, and b)I may have to stay up here until June, which I can't possibly afford to do. Damnit. Then I get home, and try to relay all of this to my friend Chris. I told him that I felt pretty damned worthless (I did), and that I thought I might just save everyone the time and money and drop ot and go work in the mayonaise factory. His response? "Don't be stupid. Anyways, gotta go ttyl."

My response? Fuck you. Sorry, but you abandon me, forget I exist for months on end, tell me I can't come over and visit because I'm "too much of a temptation"... I think you're the one who needs to stop being stupid. Jerk.

Anyways, so that all left me in a rather foul mood today, when compiled with the fact that I have a HUGE test on Thursday, no idea how I'm going home next week, Work on Saturday until 11pm, part of my novel due the Monday I get back, a Forensic Psych test on Tuesday, a computers midterm on Wednesday, a re-written essay due on Thursday, an improv night to plan, and about 10 pounds to lose before March 10th. Gah. I go to class, only to sit and wonder what it would feel like to noose myself. I got the essay I have to re-write back, and it got a 73% (which is pretty damned high), but I couldn't feel good about it. Tonight, I got a Forensic Psych test back, and I got a 54.5% on it (which makes sense: That was from the last week of hell. I didn't even study for it because I was writing my Shakespeare essay).

Here's where the conflicted bit comes in: I think I want to do something about all of this. I want to try to be a better person. It's just extreamly hard to kill old habits, and start better ones. I need it, though. And, I know that making changes would make me happier. I want to have an apartment like Sarah's, or Mike's, or even Todd's, where people can come in and feel comfortable. I want people to be impressed with me, and I think I can do it. I just feel a lack of motivation.

Todd and I had another of our trademark "deep" conversations when I was at his place. Long story short, he told me I worry too much, and that I need to just let whatever is going to happen happen. He told me other things too, but they're between me and him, for now. What he doesn't know is that on my last night there, I was awake for a while before I woke him up. I watched him sleep, and thought about different things, and realized that I want to try and be better for him. I'm not the kind of person he wants, we've established that. But I want to make myself better, for him, and for the next guy I'm going to meet who I'll want the way I want him. Or something like that. I don't want to get too deep on that line of thought: the strings might just pull my ribs out.

I'm still in a relativly rotten mood. Tomorrow's going to be a long, stimulant filled day. I need to write more. I got some notes for a story down, but I don't think it's going anywhere, and it feels... Bigger than what it should be. Bigger than my britches, I guess. I need to clean my room. I need to breathe.

Sunday won't come fast enough.

Last call...

The bars closed an hour ago. Three floors below me, drunken university students are now stumbling home after a night promoting the country stylings of "Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!" Whoever is in the room directly below me is blasting something with a droning, nauseating baseline, and my roomate has just staggered in again, and doesn't realize how loud she's being. There was a time when I wanted to be a part of that scene: party girl in all the pictures; a legend on my own campus. Now, I seem to prefer the quieter venture of a glass of cheap raspberry wine and flash animations. The last call I recieved tonight was from a friend, asking me to join him at the Country Pub. I declined. I had more fun at Heather's with Sarah rolling up D&D characters than I ever could have watching first years drink themselves stupid to the tune of twanging guitars.

Today revealed a lot. First, that friendships are tricky devils: they appear out of nowhere, and somehow manage to slip under the radar and into our lives. I realize now that I can't remember how I met most of my friends. They just kinda slipped in. It's a pleasent thought, really. knowing that those people who've created some of my most treasured memories, whether they be RPGing with bad coffee on a Friday night, Opening night of so many plays, or sitting in a coffee house discussing life in general, just slid into my life, as much, I suspect, as I slid into theirs.

Second, and this is the more unfortunate one, is the other meaning of "Last call..." I made a choice today, regarding one of my best friends. I had been playing his keeper, and it appeared that almost everyone, including his professors, had given up faith in him. This morning, I lost faith. Sometimes, no matter how good their intentions, people take too much from you, without offering or providing enough in return. In Antony and Cleopatra, the play we're studying, my professor highlighted that relationships are a matter of balance: take something, and you will be expected to return it. That is the basis of a friendship. Take my time, my energy, my encouragement, my persistance... eventually, I will ask you to return it. This friend, it seems, cannot return enough of what I've provided. At the advice of many people that I trust, I've decided to stop. His self destructive behaviour is unfair to himself, and to me; he refuses to do more than float through life, blaming everyone and anything else for his problems. It appears that Tough Love is the only thing that will get through to him. My problem, the one I'd been unable to get by until tonight, was that I was afraid that if I walked away from him, if I pulled free and left him to his own devices, he would only get worse. Now I realize that I'm right. He will. But I have to move past that. I can't let him drag me down with him. It is amazingly painful to watch someone you love come apart. I see now, that the more I tried to help him, the more he resisted, for whatever reason, and this has made him...worse. Physically, Emotionally, Academically, he has given up on himself, relying only on my faith, his girlfriend's faith, and what pride he has left, to prop himself up. I hope that removing myself from this will help him to see how much. And I hope that I can do it. I hope that I can rid myself of this addictivly "toxic friendship" before I become worse. I have become too dependant on others. I know I've said this before, but now, more and more, it's getting worse. It has to stop.

Tomorrow will tell. Tomorrow is his last chance to prove to me that he is salvageable. And it will be my first chance to prove my will, either way.

Progress Report

So, things are moving rather slowly right now. Kind of annoying, but not terrible. I'm working toward all of those goals I set out for myself, but I'm finding myself to be rather... lazy.

I think I should maybe be prioritizing things a bit better. Before I attempt to do anything else, I should probably re-set my circadium rhythm. I don't understand why, but waking up more than an hour before I"m slated to be somewhere is becoming an issue. Maybe it's because my room is so cold I face hypothermia just getting out of bed. God, I need my own place...

It's just hard to get up when there's nothing to get up for. If I'm meeting someone, or going somewhere, or someone depends on me, it's not a problem. But when it's just something I"m planning to do, I manage to convince myself that just a few more minutes of blissful oblivion isn't such a bad thing. Yet, I'll stay up all hours of the night waiting for someone to call, or to want to talk, or to actually be online... you know, I have 35 people on my messenger list, and currently 11 are online, but only one of those people is not set to "away" or "busy"... When I'm online, it's because I want to talk to someone. Makes life easier that way.

So, it appears I have things to do. I have research that could be done, readings (though reading Shakespeare in first folio is much like reading an AOL chat transcript between 16 year old "ghetto thug pimps"), studying... Granted, I did many sit-ups tonight. You know there's nothing on TV when... I just don't feel like doing it right now. I can't take breaks between projects; I won't get started again! Maybe that's why I don't want to take time off from my education to work.

Anyway, I have some clutter to clear out, so I'm in the market for a table. That's right; just a coffee table that I can use for now to create the horizontal space I need to make this place live-able. Also, it will be my first real, live piece of furnatre, that I will own, and that I will posess to take with me to my next space. I'm excited about it! I have a bed-side table that my parents got me, and possibly a hand-me-down desk, but this would be my posession.

I'm off then. Weekend approaches, and I should go to sleep now before I get my second wind. There's JavaScripting and Shakespeare to be had in the morning. Glee.

Free time kills braincells.

It's not even 3pm, and I'm bored. I can feel myself shutting down, bit by bit. Motivation? Gone. Intrest? Went on a Union Coffee Break. Wakefulness? Fading fast.

I blame Sarah.

We went to the gym last night, and... well, let's just say I'm much more out of shape than I thought I was. Now I'm on a "Recovery" day. I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be, but I'm still whipped. Oh, well. Tomorrow, I get to do it all over again! Yeowch.

I've also made a rather troubling discovery: Chocolate is a trigger for my migranes. At least for the bad ones; lack of sleep causes the 24-hour headaches. It seems that something in my favorite comfort food is causing severe pain just behind my eyes... usually the right, though sometimes it switches. And these migranes are seriously messing with my mental clarity. I tried to have a conversaion with Sarah last night, and I swear, even I thought I was drunk! But, it's *chocoalte*!! How can I give up chocolate? Maybe I'll just have to re-stock my Advil and deal with it.

So, this was the first week of classes for me. Yay. I didn't think this term would be so bad: lots of social stuff going on, a couple of classes I really don't mind... Now that I'm getting Syllibi, I'm starting to worry. My average at the moment is exactly 67.10% (which will change once my last course posts the final grades), and that's just not good enough. So, I'm thinking, I'll just have to buckle down and study like a mad woman, right? I wish it was that easy.

Presentations, assignments, tests, essays... plus Prose fiction, requiring a short story for every class, AND a make-up class thrown randomly into the fray... It's a lot. It's a lot that's coming up very fast. And it's all contending with my Improv Nite, which I'm both hosting and organizing, my commitments to the March Play, plus work, and now househunting. BLAH! At least I have some "Sparky is Incommunicado" events planned that should give me time to kick back.

For now, since I've got the time, I'm going to clean. And make coffee. I'm sure I'll be back later.