April 3, 2006

Rainy night...

I haven't updated in a while. I know this... I used to update at least once per day. Now, not so much. I think you all deserve to know why.

I feel like re-warmed hell. I'm constantly dizzy or nauseous or sore in one form or another. I feel like I'm high when I know for sure I'm not. I've started saying things that I don't mean... or that I don't know that I mean, or... Things that don't mean anything. I realize as soon as I've said it what a mistake it was to talk, but I keep talking.

Basically, I'm back to baseline, and I can't deal with it.

So, obviously, my motivation to talk about my life is gone. Nothing is happening... Or it is, and I just can't... I can't talk. I want to, but talking is almost re-living it, and making it worse.

So, suffice it to say that things, emotionally and mentally, are not going well. I'm not saying that this is the end of the blog, because it's definatly not, I just... might not be updating for a while. I feel hollowed out and re-stuffed, and I hate it... And I'm not sure I want to talk about it. Things should be getting better soon. The rest of this week, and the following week, will likely be more of the above, but after that, things should start getting better again. I hope.

Sorry all. I love my Epic Sparky, and I will be back... I promise. Right now, it's just to hard.

Good Luck on exams and such, and Chin up!

-Sparky

1 comment:

NATHAN said...

FIRST you dont mean those things, SECOND "we" will make it through this together THIRD one of the reasons thing are so confusing is you are way over analysing your self and driving your self nut doing it. you know what your true feelings are anything else is just shadow games. from over analising, and cuting back on the meds combind with an alreddy dificult time in your life