April 20, 2006

Idle

I'm just puttering along at this point. I have my projects to do per day (todays is my Drama paper, and downloading more Criminal Minds), but other than that... blah. And that's not as cool as it sounds. I have no ambition. I should be wanting to go out and hang out in the sun for a bit. I should be wanting to go for a drive, at least to buy bread. I should want to do something because of the plain and simple fact that I should be bored. But I'm not, really.

I'm looking forward to going home, but not to working. I'm looking forward to Canadore next year, but there's this nagging piece of the back of my mind that says that maybe I'm going in the wrong direction. I'm looking forward to being done for the year, but the year's gone so fast that I feel like I"m missing something.

And another thing... I've found that more people read my blog, not to mention post comments, when I'm angry. Just saying...

I've been keeping the journal still, when there's something worth writing about. So far, I'm drinking half what I should be in water (less after this past weekend), and getting about half the veggie intake that I should. Of course, I'm broke right now, thanks to mom's push for a make-over, and can't afford to go out and buy the healthy stuff. That, and I'm still not really all that hungry. Mostly because eating involves moving, and right now, I'm happy to lie on my bed like a lizard on a rock and soak up some uv-filtered sun.

I still feel trapped. I know by what, but I'm not sure how to get myself to admit to it. I feel like I"m wasting time.

Maybe I feel like I'm idling because there's no push to get things done... other than the essay. I mean, there are no classes, I'm still not getting shifts at the Lucky, I have no reason to go out, other than the fact that I"m running out of essentials. Maybe I"ll just run to a Mack's Mart in a bit.

Anyone else feeling like this?

2 comments:

Ginny said...

Yes.

I think it's due to the fact that during school, everyone is going 100 km/hr and then it just stops. It all comes to a sudden hault, and we're left wondering "what now?"

You don't actually feel like doing anything, because you're at the point where you realize doing nothing is a luxury. You want to take it for all that it's worth.

I found that yesterday once I got out there, got on the subway, and went downtown, I was in a much more energetic mood. Plus... you gotta enjoy the sunlight. You gotta.

It's currently 21 degrees down here, and I'm loving it.

So, go for that walk to the store, it'll do you wonders. :)

Melissa said...

Oh pick me! except... I still can't be a lizard... darn work has me running around like a chicken with its head cut off... hmm I wonder whats with all the animal metaphors... I must be hungry... ah well... keep safe and sane this summer! I would like a whole sparky when you return... not fragments... *hugs*