February 8, 2007

Notes

There is a large bottle of water sitting next to me right now. I need to start drinking and re-filling this water more often.

The stars are very pretty tonight. I looked up at them as I was walking to the front door after rehearsal, and there was a brief, passing thought in my head about how the night would be warmer if someone were holding my hand.

You know, I really do like being single. It's just that that damned day is coming up. Singles Awareness Day, also known as St. Valentine's Day: a day where single people are tormented by the facade of happy people, desperatly in love, where corperate markets cater both to them in lavish expensive trinkets symbolizing everlasting devotion (if only for 15 minutes...), and us, the single, through the production of teddy bears, chocolate and cheap wine in which to drown ourselves.

This year, I'm pretty much guarenteed that it won't be celebrated with more than a few snarky remarks (my wit is being finely honed...) and some sarcastic banter. I wanted to throw a singles mixer, but I just don't know if I really have the energy. That, and I think that if I can't spend it in a romantic context, I would rather spend it alone. Drunk, and possibly watching Kill Bill, parts 1 and 2, but most certainly alone.

While discussing the amount of "oh my god, why did they do that???" going on in SOS right now, I said something to Devin that kinda caught me. I said that it was strange to see this new pair forming, so completely... opposite, lets say, and inexperianced, with no actual intent of starting something in the first place, and I'm seeing no action. I mean, I'm putting myself out there... well, trying to. I still don't think I"m doing it right.

I shouldn't even be thinking about this kind of stuff... I have FAR too much personal development to work on right now, including the One-Week-Rapid-Detox-Weight-Loss plan Mom's sending up for me so I can trim down before VM and tIoBE, and the progress I've been making with actually getting to class on time... I'm still working on digging up my room mind you... I know I should, because what happens if someone randomly shows up at my door and wants to hang out, or talk... And my room's a hole? Hmm...

But the stars are very pretty. It's crisp and clean and clear and silent. I wish I could feel that, without feeling the cold...

Damn Singles Awareness Day...

2 comments:

Colleen said...

Water is yummy, stars are pretty, you don't need to trim down [you already know that], sarcastic banter is the bomb, etc, etc.

Holding hands with someone else warms your hands up. But so does jamming them in a tin pail of hot coals.

/my two cents

Teddy said...

I'm glad you were able to see the beauty in a star lit night, there was a time that you wouldn't have.
There is a perfect man out there for you, who will love you like you always dreamed love would be like, he just hasn't found you yet.Until then there is nothing wrong with being single and enjoying that. Remember there are a lot of couples out there that envy you being single.
I love you very much, let that be enough until he finds you.