Give up and Go Away...

I don't think I've ever been this close to snapping.

I'm done, people. I'm done WITH people. I need a vacation from people, and all their bullshit. I need a break from my bullshit. I need to just go lie on a beach somewhere tropical, and just drink, and drink, and lie in the sun, until I forget that SoS exists. Until all traces of the idea of Feminism are bleached from my memory. Until money doesn't matter. Until people stop allowing their noisy babies and stupid children into University Libraries...

I just can't friggin take it any more. I ask a question, express a concern, state a fact, and I'm argued down into submission. I'm not saying I know all. I'm not even saying that I know what's best. But I know what I KNOW. And what I'm comfortable with. And when I question it, I expect to be met with some form of understanding, not just a shrug and "That's not my department."

I'm sick, and goddamn tired of money. I don't have it, and therefore I can do nothing. I can't even eat right now, because everything, even the essentials for survival, costs. I can't buy advil to kill this headache, because it costs. I'll soon be going off my meds and experiancing an impromptu withdrawl, because perscription drugs cost. And you think I'm a bitch now...

It's gotten to the point that my friends (ever honest) are telling me that they don't want to "deal" with me in my current state. I gave my best, and got nothing. I did my part, and others didn't. What the hell is wrong with people? No one cares about anyone else. I understand looking out for number one, but if you'd only let that self-centered, holier-than-god attitude go for one second, you'd see... You're not alone, and there are a hell of a lot of other people out there that need help.

And I don't appreciate being spoken to like a child. I know everyone's stressed. I get that. But, for some strange reason, I concider myself a part of that everyone. I'm allowed to be stressed too. And I certainly don't appreciate being told: "There, there... it will all get better soon."

I hate that my future has been pre-determined for me. I don't mind the control it brings, I just wish it was MY control. Right now, I feel as though I'm bound in lace, tighter than my skin; everything itches and squeezes too tight.

I'm sick of the Wierd Kid. I wish to god that I hadn't said yes to Caroline, because then I wouldn't feel as bad if I dropped. I hate that things are spinning out of control. I signed on for reading week, fine. But I did NOT sign on to do shows during my class time. I did NOT sign on to miss class for this. And I sure as hell did NOT sign up to for this. I feel like I'm under the influence of the Pied Piper, blindly following a leader who has no goddamn clue what he's doing.

As you can tell by now, I've given up on the niceties. Right now, I'm too pissed off to worry about who I hurt. I'm too angry to apologuise. This is how I feel, and this is what I'm thinking, and if you can't seal with that, I suggest you walk away now.

And the next person who says Happy Valentines to me is getting their heart ripped out, and shoved down their throat.

[Edit to add: KILL KILL KILL...]