Buried under a molehill

Things are still piling up.

I'm starting to dig my way back out, but it's difficult. I'm not only fighting academia at large, I"m fighting with myself. I feel like giving up.

And I'm starting to feel that things with Nathan and myself are starting to suffer because of my selfishness. He worries about me, and I feel completely out of control. I feel as though I have no self control. He wants to help me, but, over the weekend at home, I started to feel like I don't want to be helped. Even though the majority of my lifestyle is completely unhealthy, I don't want to change. It's horrid and weak and cowardly, and that just makes me feel worse.

My computer is still slowly frying itself, though I think I"ve killed off the largest part of the problem. That's why I"m in the computer lab right now, pretending to be part of what sounds like a psych/nursing class. I don't really want to go home yet.

Nathan and I are going to start working on Feng Shuing my room. Trying to make it more home-y, more comfortable. Personally, I'd rather just throw the mattress on the floor and...

Pillow Fort.

The last time I started thinking about living in a pillow fort on lemon water and frozen grapes, I wound up a wreck. Maybe it's time to up the dosage again. Mom is making me an appt. with Dr. Chin for my first week home (somewhere between the chiropracter, the optometrist and the hair stylist...), so maybe I will see what she thinks. It could just be the crappy weather, It could be stress. It could be a sign of another problem.

I love Nathan. I just feel over stretched.

I didn't get any shifts at work again this week. I nearly cried when I found out, not because I love to work, but because this will equal out to 2 small paycheques...

I just want to curl up and wait for this to just blow over. Why couldn't I have just been a house cat?