May 24, 2010

Victoria Day

May 2-4, or Victoria Day, is widely considered by Canadians to be the first long weekend of the Summer.

Tonight I was given the opportunity to witness a number of very interesting, unusual and different things. Things that I never thought I would see, especially given where I am.

Tonight Adam took me to see the fireworks at the Beaches in Toronto. We parked somewhere in the area of Burgess and the Danforth, and as we walked down the hill, passing old houses that barely passed as fixer-uppers, I thought of the song "The Old Apartment" by the Barenaked Ladies...

I know we don't live here anymore
We bought an old house on the Danforth
She loves me and her body keeps me warm
And I'm happy there
But this is where we used to live...

And I can't help but wonder if I'll feel the same way about North Bay as I do now about London. Sometimes it's nice to visit, but nothing draws me back there anymore. It's an odd feeling to know that I'm not in the same city. This place doesn't feel like home yet, because it's still full of boxes of things that have no where to live yet. My old home is starting to feel less like home now, especially since Sorrelle will be remaining here in Scarborough permanently, and home in London, though it will always be Home, is becoming more of a vacation place than somewhere I would call home.

I sat tonight watching the fireworks with Adam, smelling the gunpowder and the odour of the city (Toronto, I've noticed, has a very distinct smell), and I'm just not sure. I'm here, which is a leap enough, but I realize that I've never moved somewhere without a plan. From London to North Bay, was Schooling and Work. Now that both of those have come and passed, I've moved, but without a path. I don't know what my purpose will be in this city. I"m not sure how I feel about that. I'm not very good at change, or about uncertainty.

I'm wondering what I will make of myself in this strange new place, and what I will leave behind.

But as the pops of green and red and purple and gold flashed across the sky, and as we followed in the strange exodus back up the Danforth, I realized something.

I think, just maybe, I can be ok in this strange planet called Toronto. Maybe.

1 comment:

Colleen said...

Ahaha. Give it a month, six weeks tops. Then I want to hear what you have to say about the smell of Toronto.

*hugs*