last nerve

Sorrelle wants to run away.

She's been begging to get out all day, and when I got soemthing out of the car tonight, she took off. I had to CONVINCE her to come back, bribe her, and drag her in.

My house is a fucking mess because I'm a lazy slob. hahahahaha. you were right all along! ever since I was six years old and you couldn't stand it then either. I'm too damned lazy. I'd have a job by now if I wasn't so lazy. I'd have another apartment, or I'd at least be able to afford first and last on a $400 shit hole with a crazy landlord and no hydro or water. If I wasn't so FUCKING lazy, I'd have a BSW and a full BA and an MHA and I wouldn't be living in this god damn fantasy world where I'm better than the stupid lazy slob that I am, and I would be perfect.

But I'm not. I'm just tired, and done. I"m done with it all.

If I don't get the red cross job, I"m either going home, or getting committed. One or the other.