January 9, 2008

Reality Sucks.

So, I spoke to a counsellor and to a doctor, and the verdict is in. I can't Ignore a diagnosis no matter how much I don't like it.

She doubled my dosage, which is ok, it'll get me through to the end of the year, then I can taper back down. I nearly hit the roof when she suggested anger management, but I guess it couldn't hurt. And she wants me to start running on the treadmills in the weight room because she's noticed that I've put on 15-20lbs in the last 6 months or less.

Whatever. I submit. I don't care anymore. the weight room had guys in it when I went at 11:15, but they're open 8am-8pm every day, so we'll see. Honestly, everyone keeps saying, oh, exercise is what you need, it's the best thing ever, exercise is so wonderful.

No. Exercise is embarassing and painful and awkward. But that doesn't matter either.

The library stinks. like litterally, of feet and b.o. I just want to go home. I have to go to Wellness. Talk about a smack in the face... I don't know anymore. I just don't know.


Beatrix said...

"I nearly hit the roof when she suggested anger management"

. . . .You get why this is funny to me, yes?

Anywho, I know this is unbelievably frustrating for you, so I won't make it worse by offering unsolicited advice. All I will say is that I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes you way. If there is anything I could do to be helpful, lemme know.

However, I do have this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

Irene shared it to make me giggle, I hope it'll make you giggle too. <3

Anonymous said...

I told you this on msn but I am gonna remind you here. Right now, I think the weight, and working out are the least of your worries. It's treating the symptom but not the cause....Sort of like giving you painkillers for a broken ankle..but not setting the ankle in a cast. It isn;t really going to do you any good. Get your mental health back on track. Do things that make you feel good (minus eating cheesecakes or whatever tickles your fancy) but don't worry about your weight. If you are really concerned, go for a walk everyday, or take the stairs to all your classes. You don't have to get on a treadmill to be working out. What about getting a set of 3 or 5 lb dumbbells and using them in front of the tv...then no one sees you but the cat. Don't push yourself, and don't get down on yourself, that isn't going to help you. Make your head a little more happy and secure first, then work on your body...the physical part isnt going to get better until the mental part does. And remember, we love you.