January 13, 2008

another week

Nothing to report really. I've cut off all of my hair, and I'm starting on the treadmill tomorow, as per doctor's orders. Sorrelle's in heat again so I don't sleep. I'm out of wine.

I had an interesting experiance with meditiation in our wellness class this week. At first, I couldn't shut off my mind, like usual. then, as I relaxed, my palms got warm, and my head got heavy. I started to fall back, and there was water and hands waiting for me, and a gentle, androgenous voice telling me to relax, to let go. Over and over I heard "We'll Catch You". But I couldn't... I was sitting in a chair in the middle of class, so I couldn't just fall, so I straightened up. then my neck got really sore, like someone was digging their thumbs into it. the something started pulling me forward... And this is going to sound strange, but his name was Pierre. He kept trying to pull me to the ground. I started seeing images of being pulled through the ground, and that there were roots coming from my head and torso. He would try to pull me through the ground... I don't think he was evil, but he was persistant, and an eerie neutral, like a chaotic neutral. I was starting to get comfortable with him, and really wanting to just go to the floor, and I was warm, but not hot, and calm.... Then Jude pulled us out of it and the session was over. It was strange, but I wanted to keep going. When we stopped, I was cold and irritable and jumpy.

I can't be still here... there's too much, and Sorrelle won't leave me alone right now. I don't know what to do, but I want to be still like that again. I just don't know how.

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