May 4, 2007

Honeymoon's Over, sweetheart...

So, usually when people come home, there's those blissful few days where everyone's family, there are stories to tell, and everyone's excited to see how you've grown.

Then, once the initial excitement's over, you realize that, as much as you've changed, everything around you, and away from you, has changed as well.

The dynamic in the house is different now. They're not used to having me here. Ash isn't around as much, but when she is here, she's not used to the competition and conflict of ideas (for example, when her stuff was in my room because of the renovation, I made space exceptions for her things, but I had things too, which, unfortunately, meant that there was clutter, therefore everything I did and everywhere I was was wrong, or at least worthy of a patronizing eye-roll). I can tell that I don't fit into the scheme of things here anymore.

As I mentioned, stuff is scattered around the house right now because of the renovations. I think everyone's a little scattered because things are out of place and the routine has been broken to accommodate another person. That doesn't really change the fact that I don't feel like I fit.

Today, Dad told me that he thinks the fact that he and mom still help pay for school and still pay my car insurance is a burden. I agree with him. He shouldn't have to pay for these things (though, he pays less than he thinks he does...), and I should be accepting responsibility for my financial disaray. I didn't work this week because it didn't make sense to: it was my birthday on Monday, as well as my first day back in town at all. Thursday I had my eyes dialated, so I couldn't drive, let alone work: how can I ask for a day off my first week back?

I think he's pissed because I didn't work all year. Trust me, friends, that won't be happening again. I'm getting a job in North Bay ASAP, and, if possible, coming back for the August long weekend to start. (If I'm not back there already). I can't afford to be broke this year. Even if Mom and Dad keep paying my insurance, I need to be ready for when I'm out on my own. I'm no closer to having that $5000 saved, and I'm in more debt now than I anticipated. I can pay it off easy enough, but...

I think I envy the people who stayed over the summer (in North Bay, that is...). They're obviously secure enough to be able to do that, and I feel I'm the same. It was just tradition and circumstance that brought me back for the summer this year. I mean, I love my family, and I love spending time with them, but living with them just isn't acceptable anymore.

Well, we'll see. I feel uncomfortable now, but maybe it'll get better.

Or, you know, there's Gladstone. Anyone know of anywhere hiring in North Bay right now?


Passionate Contradiction said...

I call first dibs on a job in the Bay, but there are lots of help wanted postings up now!
And it's not that I'm financially secure to be in North Bay, just the way things worked out. But you are welcome anytime. I have lots o'space! :)
Hope to see you back in the Bay earlier than Sept!

Beatrix said...

If they're upset, invite them to come up here and try to find student-type work that pays enough, doesn't cause insanity, and is actually worth working - when I've worked here over the summer and had to buy a bus pass in addition to rent, food and extra costs, I finished the summer with under $300 to show for it. Jobs up here are tricky as you well know; it's just a fact of life in northern Ontario.

I know, I shouldn't say anything, but this is a huge point of contention with me - my folks have bitched at me because my jobs haven't been "good enough", because they just don't 'get' the North. We live in a town where something like 70% of the population lives below the national poverty line since no where pays more than minimum wage, and yet our employment rate is the highest it's been in over 30 years.

And besides, one week off is good for you!! You worked your ass off this year, and a one week break is well deserved.

Plus, now you can keep the goal in mind of staying up here next summer. Since you know now, by next summer, you'll be set!!

Ok, tirade done, I swear. <3

Beatrix said...

You and your talk of stray cats . . .why must your tempt me?!

On the other hand, Jessica will be moving to London in a year. That's certainly make it interesting. :D

Sparky said...

Wha? Jess is moving to London too?? When did that happen??

Why must everyone move south as I move North??