What the hell am I doing awake at 8:30am on a Sunday Morning, sitting infront of my computer eating leftover Halloween candy in my pajamas?
Heh... It's a laugh riot, I'll tell you that. No. It's really not.
I've been really sick for the last week-ish. a 5am trip to the ER confirmed that I had strep and an ear infection. Ick. So, they caught the strep early enough that the antibiotics kicked in before anytihng truly painful happened, but I still have a weak voice. The fluid in my ear still hasn't drained, therefore I'm still kinda deaf in my left ear. And it hurts now and then... like getting hit with a hammer.
So, what does one do when they're sick except get no sleep and go out drinking? Yeah, that's right. I'm just that bright. I didn't really stay home to keep from infecting people (it had to be the three days of manditory, miss-it-and-you-fail workshopping off-campus...Which by the way, was a complete waste of time...), nor did I get much work done on my Nano. I'm only 5667 words behind... I'm sure I'll catch up.
Right. And Jimmy Hoffa's living in my basement...
Gah. I'm just having a rough go of it, friends. I'm just not a happy Sparky right now. I feel like I haven't had time off in months, because my weekends are spent between RPGing and screwin the pooch... Honestly, I don't really remember last weekend. I think my brain is just shutting down for days at a time.
My room is a hole again. It's grey, rainy and overall Novemberish outside, and, though I slept through most of the party, while at the party (actual sleeping, I didn't drink near enough to pass out) I still want to go back to bed and sleep till noon. I would too, except my MP3 player is out of batteries, and I know that if I just sit here listening to music, I might get some noveling done so I can work on real projects this week.
I feel like I'm being a bad ML. Actually, I know I'm being a bad ML. One of my NaNoers has totally taken over planning write-ins (which is fine, I'm glad they did, but I feel rotten because I don't have time to do it myself), people are calling me on dumb things like forgetting dates in emails, and my word count is about 1/10 of most writers.
Ontop of that, I'm really not feeling good about myself right now. Sick = massive hit to self-confidence when it comes to looks, and when we did our last "Warm Fuzzy" exercise (don't ask...) The majority of my cards said that I was "very intelligent and interesting". I even got 2 "you will go far in life"s. All of the ones I gave out had something to do with light, souls, presence... I do appreciate being told I'm intelligent, I do. I just think sometimes that I would get more "attention" if I was a dumb blond. Sarah and I talked about this last night, and she told me that most guys want a woman who can hold her own (I'm paraphrasing here...), but I'm pretty sure that guys see those women as being man-hating feminists who have no want need or desire for companionship.
And anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a Feminist.
Seriously, now, I really don't need a relationship. I don't need a man. I just want a companion. Something more than a friendship relationship... Something deeper.
Oh, well. I don't have my health, romance or a houseplant to call my own, but at least I'm intelligent and will go far in life. I guess that's something.