November 5, 2006


What the hell am I doing awake at 8:30am on a Sunday Morning, sitting infront of my computer eating leftover Halloween candy in my pajamas?

Heh... It's a laugh riot, I'll tell you that. No. It's really not.

I've been really sick for the last week-ish. a 5am trip to the ER confirmed that I had strep and an ear infection. Ick. So, they caught the strep early enough that the antibiotics kicked in before anytihng truly painful happened, but I still have a weak voice. The fluid in my ear still hasn't drained, therefore I'm still kinda deaf in my left ear. And it hurts now and then... like getting hit with a hammer.

So, what does one do when they're sick except get no sleep and go out drinking? Yeah, that's right. I'm just that bright. I didn't really stay home to keep from infecting people (it had to be the three days of manditory, miss-it-and-you-fail workshopping off-campus...Which by the way, was a complete waste of time...), nor did I get much work done on my Nano. I'm only 5667 words behind... I'm sure I'll catch up.

Right. And Jimmy Hoffa's living in my basement...

Gah. I'm just having a rough go of it, friends. I'm just not a happy Sparky right now. I feel like I haven't had time off in months, because my weekends are spent between RPGing and screwin the pooch... Honestly, I don't really remember last weekend. I think my brain is just shutting down for days at a time.

My room is a hole again. It's grey, rainy and overall Novemberish outside, and, though I slept through most of the party, while at the party (actual sleeping, I didn't drink near enough to pass out) I still want to go back to bed and sleep till noon. I would too, except my MP3 player is out of batteries, and I know that if I just sit here listening to music, I might get some noveling done so I can work on real projects this week.

I feel like I'm being a bad ML. Actually, I know I'm being a bad ML. One of my NaNoers has totally taken over planning write-ins (which is fine, I'm glad they did, but I feel rotten because I don't have time to do it myself), people are calling me on dumb things like forgetting dates in emails, and my word count is about 1/10 of most writers.

Ontop of that, I'm really not feeling good about myself right now. Sick = massive hit to self-confidence when it comes to looks, and when we did our last "Warm Fuzzy" exercise (don't ask...) The majority of my cards said that I was "very intelligent and interesting". I even got 2 "you will go far in life"s. All of the ones I gave out had something to do with light, souls, presence... I do appreciate being told I'm intelligent, I do. I just think sometimes that I would get more "attention" if I was a dumb blond. Sarah and I talked about this last night, and she told me that most guys want a woman who can hold her own (I'm paraphrasing here...), but I'm pretty sure that guys see those women as being man-hating feminists who have no want need or desire for companionship.

And anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a Feminist.

Seriously, now, I really don't need a relationship. I don't need a man. I just want a companion. Something more than a friendship relationship... Something deeper.

Oh, well. I don't have my health, romance or a houseplant to call my own, but at least I'm intelligent and will go far in life. I guess that's something.


Beatrix said...

LE suck. I know how evil strep is, I really do. I don't know if it would help, but I do have some turkey in the freezer, so I could make you some soup...? It's not exactly the same as chicken, but it's still poultry, right? That has to count for something... Anywho, if you think soup would be good, lemme know, I like to feed people. *pauses and thinks* OMG, I'm my MOTHER! ;)

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that you would think of yourself as unattractive or without companionship. After all, you don't see me letting just anyone fall asleep in my lap time and time again, do you? Think about it hun.

Anonymous said... you know about the Hoffa thing, huh?

-Landlord Mike