November 5, 2006

A-Ha Moment

I've had a revelation. All this term, Judy has been harping on us about giving advice, about listening skills, and about being heard. I didn't really get it... I seriously believed that there was a selection of the population that craved the easy answer: people who WANTED advice, to confirm what they already knew.

Now I know that I was wrong. Those people don't want advice, they don't want opinion, and they absolutly don't want to be told that what they're feeling is wrong... They want to be heard. They just want to know that someone hears them, and that someone understands that they're just having a rough day, and that they want to get it out. They want someone to listen, even (especially) if it doesn't seem to solve anything. And people really, really don't appreciate being told that what they feel is wrong, especially when you can point out why behaviour or mentalities are wrong. That's not the point. People, in general, are walking contradictions when it comes to emotion. When, for example, I say that I don't feel attractive, I"m not saying that I"m any less attractive than I usually am, it's just that something has happened that makes me feel like less of a woman. Something has happened that makes me question my security in my femininity (yes, women can do that too...). So when something happens that makes a person question who they are, and what they are feeling, they don't want to be told that they're wrong, because they're not... They just need self-reassurance (which means saying oh, but you're so smart..., you're not really failing that class, you just think you are, doesn't solve anything). They need to be EMPOWERED to believe what they are hearing, even when they don't feel it.

This is just my little moment of *lightbulb!* I thought I'd share. This doesn't really stem from the other post today... More from my awsome friends, who are good at just letting me vent, and who get it.

Here's to you guys!

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