October 4, 2006

5 minutes

So, I have 5 minutes before I pass out from gin and fun and sleep deprivations...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bad person. Sometimes I wonder if I'm right in my belief that I should just let things resolve themselves... Sometimes I wonder if I can just let things resolve themselves.

Sometimes I get homesick. I'll admit it...I miss my mom. I miss my dog, and my cat, and my fridge and my home. But sometimes, something makes me feel like I"m home, and I don't feel so... lonely.

Sometimes people suprise you.

Sometimes I can't read people the way I think I can.

Sometimes, actually, a LOT of the time, I take on too much. But I want to get better. I want to try.

I worry that I'm letting people down. But I worry more that by not letting people down, I'm letting myself down.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering what made me say things, and why I just did that.

Truth be told, I know. I realize what's going on around me, and I know people. And really, I'm ok.

I'm really ok. For once. Even when I do things other people think are wrong or selfish. I'm doing it because I really want to. Others do it, why can't I?

For once in my life, I really feel ok. and I really like it.

And I don't want to listen to that little voice in my head that says it's all going to come crashing down.

I don't want to listen to the voice in my heart that says that I'm just going to get hurt.

I'm going to fall, and I'm going to stand up.

And I'm going to be ok.

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