Warning: Angry Rant Ahead.

This may be incoherant, because I don't want to go into specifics.

This also might be upsetting to some. I'm sorry, I don't mean it to be. I'm just venting.

I was told tonight that I'm stepping on people's toes.
That's fine, and I don't mind hearing it, except when it's a message passed through someone else.
See, this is when people get angry... When we use others for messengers and don't address the problem ourselves. If Meaghan thinks I"m stepping on her toes by trying to help others, that's fine. I just wish she had of told me, Not Sarah, who is executive. Meaghan is one of my closeset friends, and I've told her I want her to be one of my bridesmaids some day. That's a huge deal. If she doesn't feel comfortable enough to come to me herself and say something like that, then I ask... What the fuck?

And it's NOT like I'm changing her blocking. It's not like I'm taking over her vision (which is one of the things I was told I was doing). I told the actors to be louder. And it's not like I was doing it because I was the only one who couldn't hear them. Jade was sitting RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, trying to get Meaghan's attention to tell them that they needed to be louder. Meaghan was talking to Craig.

And There were other actors, sitting in the front row, actually, telling the actors onstage that they had to be louder. I say it, Meaghan stops the rehersal to tell them that it's the "director's job". I'm sorry, but she was talking to Craig, and not paying attention to the show. I took the script from her so I could watch the lines because she was talking to him, and wasn't even on the right page.

And aparently this isn't the only occasion. If Sarah's noticed me stepping on people's feet before, why hasn't she said something before tonight?

I'm just trying to bloody help. And again, I'm not trying to help with blocking, she has assistant directors for that. I'm trying to help with things she has told me that the actors need help with. She has TOLD me that they're not ready. She has TOLD me that she's worried because she hasn't blocked all of act 2. If she's telling me that they need help, I don't think it's fair to be shot down when I TRY to help. I've been in SoS for four fucking years. I've been acting longer. Not to sound conceded, but I know what I'm talking about. I couldn't hear them from the SECOND ROW. You would think that my opinion would count for something. And if it was me and Nathan talking while rehersal was going on, I'm SURE someone would have called me on it. Why are they so special? Because they just broke up and got back together? Fine. Whatever.

Look, I'm just pissed. People say to me that they want help. I give a HELL of a lot of my time to SoS (more than I have, actually), and I listen when people say that they need help, or that they are worried. So excuse me if I try to fucking help now and then. Excuse me if I want to help you get an excellent play up that everyone can hear.

I know that I can get bossy sometimes. I know that I try to control things. I'm compleatly aware of this... after the fact.

So, fine. They don't need my help, I can do that. I'm there to act in the Wierd Kid, then that's all I'll do. I mean, I don't have to go to Blood Relations Rehersals. I don't need to bake for the bake sale. I don't need to help keep the club informed. And I certainly don't need to stop Meaghan from having another "Nervous Breakdown" when her actors are doing the play in mime at the god damned dress.

Maybe I'll just keep my fat yap shut.