Holiday Party: Flop.

I held a kitchen party tonight. I invited a bunch of people, told them to spread the word and bring friends. I spent close to $200 on food, bowls and platters. I set everything out for 3.30pm, when I said that the party would start.

At 1.30pm, I had to take my boyfriend to the ER. He had lost his perepheral vision in his left eye, his left hand and forearm had gone compleatly numb, and the left side of his face had gone nunb too. He also felt dizzy. The Ontario Telehealth nurse was about to dispatch an ambulance, because it sounded like a T-I-something... basically a mini heart attack. An ambulance would have cost us $40, so I drove him. They released him 2 hours later, claiming that he had a migraine with an aura... he didn't even have a headache. Stupid fucking North Bay doctors...

Anyways, we got home, sat around until 4pm, when I took him to the bus terminal so he could go to his grandfather's funeral tomorrow. Then I came back. One of my friends had called, very sick, saying that she wouldn't be making it, and her boyfriend called shortly after saying that he was going to be with her. I know that 2 people weren't coming, because they were working, and that 2 people had already gone home for the holidays. Other than that, I was still expecting 9-10 people, plus whoever they brang along. So I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

At 8.30pm, my roomate and his friend were sitting downstairs watching Trekkies with me, to keep me company. He told me that if people didn't start showing up soon, that he would start calling people just to make sure the food didn't go to waste.

At 9pm, 4 people showed up. They stayed until about an hour ago (1am). But that was it. 4 people. And I very much appreciate them for coming... I know that they were at rehersal until 8.30pm. But there are a few people who just didn't show.

Some days, I feel like my friends aren't my friends at all.

Then it came to me: after the car accident we had on our first attempt to get to his grandfather's family (hit curb, hole in oil pan and banged up transmission = $500...I don't really want to talk about it.), my mom said something to me. I was perturbed by it at the time, but now I think she's right:

You always seem to be the one trying to help. You always seem to be the one doing things, and paying for them. We're not made of money.

I could have spent that time working on my 3 assignments for Monday (one overdue, one with an extention, one due monday), or studying for my exam on monday, but I CHOSE to spend my time putting together a relaxing evening for my friends. Now I've got a fridge full of left-overs I will be taking to Ryan and Ashley's potluck tomorrow, because I have to get rid of them before I leave for the holidays on Wednesday.

Right now, I just feel hollow inside.

Humbug.