August 6, 2008

choke

I'm taking a few minutes for myself right now, because if I don't, I'm going to cry.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure to perform right now. I love the chaotic running around of the Red Cross, but I don't know if it's the weather, or what, but people are getting snippy with me. I'm just trying to help, really, get things organized.

And then I've got Actv8, and this feeling like I"m not performing enough, like I need to do more to get money, and that I"m just not there. I want to take time off from that, because I'm not a machine, and I'm really not sales. But I can't, because they're hiring more people, and what would I do next?

Really what it comes down to is that I don't think I can do 2 jobs anymore. I think I'm even getting snippy myself, simply because I don't have time anymore. Like, next weekend, because no body from the board of DM will volunteer, I'm at the branch every day, CT every night (to make up for what time I do take off), then on the weekend I"m at CT and at Wal Mart manning the Campaign by myself because no one else will do it.

I have to be at Wal Mart for the opening meeting at 7am tomorrow. I won't be out of here until 6 or later because I can't get caught up, and I have to go to CT tonight because I only did a lousy 3 aps last night. just 3. That means I won't get home until 9pm, and then I almost have to jump right into bed and be asleep as soon as I walk in the door... I work through my lunches, when do these people expect me to eat?

Anyways, all of this is going on, and all I can hear is Laura's voice in the back of my head, saying "I used to work 12 hour shifts too, and I know it's hard, but there's no excuse". Now, she was talking about the state of my last apartment, but still. I know that other people do it, and other people work a lot harder than me, but I'm starting to wonder how... though, now I know why a lot of them turn to drinking and drugs. Go figure.

And I know that there's not enough hours in the day to do half the stuff I do, but man, it still has to get done. And someone has to pay bills.

Someone has to sleep too.

I don't know what to do next. I don't want to quit actv8, because the money isn't bad when the nights are good. I just know that if I get this contract extended, which I really, really REALLY want, I won't be able to keep up this pace for long.

Ok, sage readers, hit me with your advice... What next?

4 comments:

Beatrix said...

I have no real advice, but I do have lots of good thoughts and love for you. I hope things start to settle down a bit soon.

Ok, I lied; I do have advice. Nothing is worth stressing yourself this much. Do what you can, and if you need to quit CT, or cut back on a responsibility or two at RC, do so. It's not giving up or failing; it's being smart. You need to take care of yourself. *loves*

Anonymous said...

I am dead serious when I say this:

Smoke more weed! It will help you relax and comfort you through these stressful times that your in. This is by no means a permanent fix, but it will work for the time being until the stesses at work ease up.

Sparky said...

...Who was that last one? Because if you're offering, I may actually be in for it!

Onii said...

I think it's awesome that you're doing so much, especially for Red Cross and trying to get everything organized and working smoothly. However, I think it's also bullshit that you're the only one volunteering. Someone else should get off their lazy asses and help out too, they shouldn't just sit back and let you wear yourself out. Is there anyone you can talk to about you being the only one that ever volunteers? If you had at least a little help, I think you wouldn't be nearly as stressed... <3