December 22, 2007

Festivus

Here it is! It's my turn to air my grievances for the whole world to hear.

Craig Larson: you basically called me a whore in an attempt to make me feel better.

Shaun Woolger: you forgot about me, you nurtured my codependancy for your own needs, and your philosophies on life make me angry and tired.

Oprah Winfrey: you're whole career is a sham... You don't care about people, just image and the all mighty dollar.

Sarah Vedelle: I have to listen to my friends whine about how much they hate living with you.

Sam Ulrick: You're a liar. A dirty, dirty liar.

Devin Bird: you don't bite me anymore. And you come to town when I'm not here.

Todd Fernly... Just fuck off already, would ya?

Josh Tye: you broke off your engagement to my sister.

Adam Day: there are specific incidences in which I can prove that you don't have a soul, and that disappoints me.

Grandma: You torment my mother at times when I'm not close enough to home to tell you to get the hell out of MY house.

LynnAnn Lauriault: I want those three hours a week of my life back; I could have taught that class in latin and done better than you.

Kanye West: why aren't you dead yet?

La Senza: It took you this long to start selling E cup bras, and despite the fact that the wearhouses are now empty, you only sell them in 4 styles. Maybe it's time to expand.

Heather: Yes. D&D, slash, gay men are pretty. Fine. Can we move on to something else now?

Lacey: see above.

Karl Lundgren: you know, sometimes, I just can't stand to be around you.

Mike Gemmell: Christine Clifford. Say no more.

Steven King: you sir, are a sick, twisted, fucked up man who needs serious psychological intervention.

Ashley Richmond: 23 years, and you still treat me like trash when I'm home for more than 2 days. What's worse: 23 years, and I still let you do it.

Ugg Boots: rail thin vapid 12 year old whores thing you're fashionable. Other than that, you have no purpose in this existance.

Crocs: EW.

Fashion Designers of the world: we're entering into 2008, and you still can't design flattering jeans for a size 12, or tops for large chested girls... Why not? Why must we all be either anorexic or obese?

Generally, it's been a good year. Some of the above have disappointed me more than most, but I'd have to say that, in generally, I"ve been disappointed by you all in some way, shape or form throughout the year, and you should all work harder on making me happier in 2008.

It's about damned time someone bowed to my wishes.

3 comments:

Ginny said...

I am happy to have disappointed you in some shape or form this past year my friend.

To make amends, I come to NB with Devin, Ducky, and hopefully Megs and Adam as well on the January 25th weekend. Will you be there then??

Happy festivus m'dear.

Beatrix said...

**see above:

I'll bring goodies. /bribe

Anonymous said...

I <3 you. I always have actually, for some reason or another. And as much as your def. one of my fav's I'm sure I've done something or other to annoy you or piss you off. I'm just glad that it didn't make the list. I was scanning for my name... And then.. clear! And I agree... croc = ew
xoxoxo
Sarah H