So, I've been pretty much off the radar for the last couple of days. I meant to leave the house today. I did. I totally got up this morning with enough time to get a shower and go to class. I totally could have done it.
It would have killed me, but I could have done it.
So, for the first time, I said No. I said no, I'm NOT going to kill myself. I took a day. Technically, I took two, because I didn't go to improv last night, and I didn't go to the bar after (in anticipation of class)... But I didn't kill myself today.
I like what I do. I like doing things for people, and I'm starting to get things in return. Little things, but things. And it's NOT bad, does NOT make me a bad person, for having to take a day. People burn out. It happens. It's not bad, it just happens. I was just so tired, I was starting to lose control again. Things were starting to spin. I can't even remember the last time I had a weekend, so this was my weekend.
The cat called me a weakling, just so you know. She made sure to inform me of that before we both went back to sleep. And no, I'm not hallucinating. It was the look in her eyes. That sarcastic, judgy...
Dear god, the cat has judgy eyes too!
Anyways, so I'm going to bed. I promised Alex I would be at the school in time for coffee in the morning. And I have to promote the next Prevention in Motion course... I just want to curl up again. I need something to release my back and my neck and my ribs... I need something to just pull out all my stringy muscles and snap them back.
I'm not bad. I'm just tired.