July 12, 2007

A week or more

Yeah, I know...

Anyways, things have been pleasantly busy on my end. We've seen a lot of movies (both good and bad), work has been fairly good, except for the nervous coil of energy I seem to have built up around me, and life just seems to b plugging along swimmingly.

Knock wood.

The weather has been causing some havoc for me though. People who know me will probably know that bizarre weather can make me loopy, and with a week of nightly storms, I'm coming a little undone. I just can't decide if it's good or bad.

Little insecurities have been gnawing away at me. Adam and I actually discussed some of it, and he, being the smartest pretty, pretty princess left in town (no offence to the rest of my court (*nudges Meagan and winks*)), he had some half-decent words of wisdom that made me feel better. Kudos to him! But some of these pesky little "emo moments" are just things that I have to work through.

I'm actually working on a progress report for Tracy. I'm kind of stunned at how much this exercise in self-evaluation is helping me put labels on my drama. It's hard for me to remind myself that, though I've been working here for a few months (already!), I'm still learning, and that it will be a long time yet before this feeling of crawling in the dark goes away. I'm sure I'll probably feel it, in some way or another, for the rest of my life. I think that this isn't all together bad: it gives me something to work and build on. It's just this feeling of instability.

Every other job I've had falls into the "no brainer" category. Put box on skid. Make burger. Count Pennies, Pump Gas... Now I'm in a job where thinking on your feet is beyond manditory. Old feelings of cloudiness and fear-of-failure (fear of flying??) have cropped back up. Again, crawling in the dark. But I have my moments, and they haven't fired me yet, so I'm starting to think that it really is just me playing headgames with myself. Confidence is a very easy thing to fake!

I'm also working on a MASSIVE grant application for the corporation, which is a little insane, only because a)this seems to be more of something the CEO should be working on, and b)the money for the grant may be where my salary comes from once I graduate (Mental Health). Community Service Worker/Community Resource Worker/Community Mediator/Babysitter/Cop/Peacekeeper... whatever, as long as I get paid!

So that's really it for now. No word yet from the Red Cross, only that they will set up a date for an interview...eventually. And I'm starting to think about job applications for August 31 and beyond. My GPA has fallen to about 3.86 or something like that, and life continues on.

Until next we meet!

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