May 11, 2007

Those Days.

I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning.

Work was pretty sucky. We were down most of the night, which meant a lot of standing around doing nothing. Sounds good in theory, but it makes for a long night. And we had a brand-new operator who was having difficulty with the machine. She started to get frustrated, but I knew that she was really doing ok for what was going on, and I kinda thought it was funny... the mechanical problems, not her being frustrated. (in my defense, the maintenance guys who were there all night laughed it off too). But I think the fact that it didn't irk me that much made her more frustrated... and on it went.

Then I get home. I made a mistake (honestly, I thought they were my jeans! We wear the same size, and they felt the same as mine...), and I apologized profusely, but apparently that wasn't enough. So instead of just brushing that off, I got triggered. Now I'm all swollen and sore (those who know what I'm talking about know...what I'm talking about...) and still feel like the same worthless dork who gets in everyone's way as I did from about grade 4 on.

What do you do when someone you truly love and respect makes you feel like trash? I can't talk to her, because of how she reacts, but this is getting dangerous. At this rate, I'm going to end up on antibiotics again before the month is out.

It's late. And I'm tired. It's friday though, right? TGIF? Hmm...

G'night folks.


Beatrix said...

*hugs* I don't know what else I can do, but I hope that helps at least a little bit.

And I know it's hard when you're in the moment, but if you're able, please don't ever hesitate to call when you feel this way. I'm always here if you need anything. <3

Anonymous said...

Wow... Im not even sure what to say. Although Im obv. hurt that you feel like "trash" b/c of me and devastated that you feel Ill be the cause of you becoming sick, I thought of all the intelligent ppl I know, youd recognize more than anything Im trying to help you. Yea, I get ridiculously snippy about ppl using/having my stuff when I dont know, but you know that, and I know it shouldnt be like that and I really respect your honesty with me b/c Im not always easy to tell things to (ask Mom, I tend to react irrationally!) So Im sorry, really. You feeling worthless or needing meds is the last thing I want from you, and again I thought you knew that. Obv not. Thru everything, Ive always intended on making you feel the best about yourself. So Im really sorry for my subtle intentions that are clearly not clear!; Im sorry for my snippiness, I know its one of my greatest faults; but know that regardless... I am trying.