December 10, 2006

Cocktails and Cleavage: the Aftermath

It was a good night. There were lots of people (increadably Gorgeous people, at that), there was some great food, everyone had a really good time.

That's why it's really disappointing that it probably won't happen again.

Not because of the whole "new place next year" thing, but more because of some things that were mentioned to me after the party, and also because of some things I noticed during the shindig. I'm not going to name names here, but some of you should know that I'm going to be sitting some individuals down in the new year for some serious conversations. I really didn't want this to turn into a big long rant, but it did. I mean, generally, the night wasn't too bad... I liked having all the people out, and watching them interact. I liked watching people meet and greet and mingle and make friends. I LOVED "butterflying", as Mike called it. There were just a few things that really rubbed me the wrong way. Enough for me to say that I probably won't host another event myself in my University/College career.

There are some basic, understood rules of a formal gathering with friends, or at least, I thought there were... See, I tend to live in this idealized little world where Drama isn't necessary... But here's some of the rules I thought people generally went by at parties/social gatherings:

1) If you make a mess, clean it up. I mean, there was one spill, and the spill-er did help clean up after, but I mean... NO ONE offered to stay behind and help clean up. When I was gathering empties, no one said "would you like a hand". I may have turned you down, but I would have appreciated the offer. And I cleaned from 4am-5am, not including the hour's worth of dishes I'll have to do tomorrow.

2) Composure and Tact are essential. If you come to a party, and within the first 10 minutes feel uncomfortable or are unable to maintain emotional cohesion, it might be a good idea to call the night a write off and head home.

3) DON'T BE RUDE. Look, I get that people have bad days. I have lots of bad days. But, I heard things from certain people that were flat out, undeniably rude. It's not "cute" anymore. And Rudeness isn't just verbal: don't show off in front of an ex or a percieved audience because you're looking for a reaction or attention. Don't get in people's personal space when it's not welcome. Don't get pissed off when a person tells you that they're not comfortable with you in their space. Don't ever, EVER use emotional guilt trips, for any purposes (that's actually a HUGE issue right now, that will be the subject of another rant and a conversation soon enough)... It goes on.

4) Don't do things, then claim that you can't control yourself. The next person who does this is getting a referral to a psychiatrist direct from me, as they obviously have an impulse control disorder and need medical intervention or hospitalization. Using "I can't control myself" is a poor excuse for poor behaviours.

5) If you throw up in MY bathroom, TELL ME. I know it's embarassing, but I need to know, for two reasons... 1, I need to know how/where you are in case you pass out from alcohol poisoning, and 2, I need to get you a towel, so you don't use my roomates and leave it, still dirty, in the bottom of the bathtub for me to clean up in the morning. Not friggin cool.

6) If someone offers to drive you home, and you live on the other end of town, or are totally out of the way, offering to provide a little gas money isn't a bad idea. I know that some people can't afford it (or else, they'd be getting a cab), but I'm poor too. If there's a group of people all going to the same place, it's fine, but if you're the sole person going to a far-away place, even $5 makes a difference.

7) When I say the night went well, don't come up with 500 ways to prove me wrong. Let me live in my delusion. I usually know when things go sour. And this isn't directed at one person at all... there were a couple of times I noticed that people were telling me (often non-verbally) that things weren't going so well.

8) And this one IS directed at someone specific... If you show up to a party, even if you're invited by someone other than the host/hostess, don't fucking avoid the host/hostess like they have leprocy or something. You know who you are. You showed up, invited by someone else, and you didn't even attempt to come down and say "hey, haven't seen you in a couple months, sorry to show up with 5 people (under-dressed), but how are things going?" You just hid upstairs and smoked. Lots. With YOUR people, because aparently MY people aren't good enough. classy.

9)Another directed at a certain person... If you can't come, all you have to say is that you got tied up. Don't say that you're "Occupied ;)". I don't want to know that you can't come because you're either out drinking with someone "better", or at home with some girl; especially when I've made it un-be-friggin-lievably clear how I feel. That's just fucking low.

And last but certainly not least:

10) Check your Drama at the door. Seriously, I worked my ASS off to pull together one night where all my friends could just hang out and relax, and see each other all prettied-up. Instead, people were acting like they were in fucking grade school. We are University and College students. This is NOT friggin Kindergarten. I'm sorry, but I just can't afford to throw seperate parties for people because X and Y aren't speaking, or because Q tends to piss of the V group, or because U is unpredictable. I invited MY FRIENDS. I'm not expecting you all to be friends, even for one night... (and here's the important part:)

...I'm just expecting you all to be MY friend. I'd like people to be patient, understanding and respectful. I'd like, most of all, for people to really try and play nice, for one night, for ME, so I can pretend that I really pulled off something special.

It really sucks, but I can't keep giving like this, if this is going to be the end result. English Majors: Go back and read Timon of Athens, and you'll see what I mean. Non-English Types, google/wiki it. Seriously.

Now it's 6am. I have a hell of a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow, plus studying, plus letter writing for Amnesty International.



Beatrix said...

Lacey, for what it's worth, I had an awsome time, and I'm very glad that you organized this party, and your effort and hard work definitly didn't go un-noticed by Brian or I. And,if we were involved in any of the shenanigans that made you upset, I do apologise. Offers to crubstomp always stand . . .as long as it isn't me; I don't think I could beat the shit outa myself;)

You are fantastic and sweet and good-hearted and we <3 you, and I'm so glad you had us all over - I now have at least one happy party memory from university. And I'm not just saying this because of the post; I really do mean it but I was just so beat when we left, I couldn't form coherant sentences.

Oh, and please say thanks to Mike for us, he too rocks my socks. (Wait....I'm not wearing socks . . . .murrr...?)

Ginny said...



I'll help you clean Lacey, I will.