Back Adder

I'm back.

I won't go into some of the grittier details of the last few days, but needless to say, things have been brought to my attention:

1) I need to start managing my time better.

Yeah, I know... I've been saying that for how long now? but really, this time it's going to be come a necessity. I found out from the Lucky that I will be getting at least 30 hours in next week, I have 4 shifts next week, 2 appointments outside of class time, one rehersal and an audition which I have to re-schedual and Countless other suprises waiting in the wings I'm sure. So, in order to be able to survive that, the same course load (with the revision of Learning instead of Romance), and be able to begin to repair the damage here (which isn't *that* extensive, just irrisponsible on my part), I'm going to be making very specific scheduals for myself. I've made a few decisions, which were made primarily to fit into the new house rules, but nothing is official yet. I'll post the schedual once I have it, so people out there can pester me into getting my shit together.

2) I need to see a real therapist.

The counciling I recieve through the school is not enough, and Mike brought to my attention the fact that I will not be accepted into the Addictions and Mental Health worker program is I'm on Effexor. I mean, I knew that being on an antidepressant might be a factor, but I didn't know that it would exclude me from the running all together. I also didn't know this, and I'm rather pissed that I wasn't told this by my Doc, but I'm currently on the highest dosage allowed in Canada on an out-patient basis. This means that if they have to raise the dose again, I'll be checked into a hospital until such time that the dosage can be lowered again. And that definatly won't help me get into my program, or ANY program for that matter. So, tomorrow at my appointment with Angela, I'm going to get a referal to a Therapist in the city. Hopefully that will help, and I"ll be able to control myself again. The last few weeks have put me on the verge of a meltdown, and I'm not even in classes yet.

3) I need to Minimalize. (aka: I have too much crap)

I have shirts that I don't wear, papers that I don't need, books that I don't read, bits and pieces crowding everywhere... I can't think in a chaotic space anymore. It used to help me think, now it just makes me frustrated. So, next weekend when Nathan and I dismantle and rebuild my room, I will be creating a big bin of stuff to give away. I already know that Jessie will be pawing through my unwanted garments, so anyone else who wants in, just let me know. Everything left will be going to the Salvation Army. Tonight, I got rid of 4 months worth of Romance Notes, accumulated junkmail and discarded envelopes and the like. And the more I can get rid of the better, not just to give me breathing room, but if I ever have to move, this one room would fill a U-Haul before furnature.

So that's pretty much what's going on. And I'll admit, I'm more than a little nervous about the next few weeks; the word "scared" even came into play. And I am: Things need to change, and in a big way. But for right now, all I can do is plow though.

I guess that's all anyone can do.