Maybe they were right...

So, I got thinking. Thinking about excuses. Thinking about past conversations, and things that have been said more than once, by more than one person...

Thinking about my weight.

I posted at www.XForums.net about this (I'm Sparky, if you go looking), and I'm thinking I should post it here too...

I'm fat.

Well, I've gotten fat. I'm 5'4", and I'm at 135. When I was in highschool, I was the same height, and 120, 125 at the highest. I've let myself go. I accepted the freshman 15 into my life. I accepted a lot of things into my life. And now, most of those things have to go.

The Freshman 15 have recieved their eviction notice.

In one week, 2 people (only 1 of which I still trust, but the words are still there), made a point of questioning whether I needed food, qualifying it with "I thought you were going to the gym?" At first I was insulted; how could my friends be so insesnative? I realize now that they're not insensative: they're guys. Women glaze over the truth. "You look good" doesn't necessarily mean "you look good"... there are lots of motives behind a statement like that. With men, It's quite simple: "You don't need that Mars Bar" means "Oink".

Here's the regimin:
1. No sweets/sugar. Black coffee, no pop, no chocolate, nothing.
2. No over-processed foods. Pizza, Wendy's, Mac and Cheese? GONE.
4. No more snack foods. Rice Crackers and popcorn have been replaced by carrots and water.
5. Water. Before I eat something? Water. Cravings will be met with water. I don't get 8 glasses a day as is, and I should.
6. No food after 9pm. Only water.
7. Yogurt and/or Apple sauce will become reward food, not chocolate and chips.
8. No booze. none. All it does is make you bloated.
9. Crunches in commercials, only until it warms up enough that going to they gym isn't a cause of frostbite (I'm serious, it's like -30C today. That's insane, even for me)
10. No more BS. I know why I'm doing this. I know who I'm doing this for. I've heard disgust in his voice before when he's seen my body, and I won't allow that to happen again. Besides, You can't love someone else until you love yourself, right? I need to feel loved by someone, so I guess I should fix myself first.

I know people are going to object, and that's their porogative. But this is what I need. I've bettered myself on the inside, now I want to look better on the outside. I want to be wanted, and people don't want a short, fat chick. People have made that obvious.

2 weeks. That's all I need. After that, alterations will be made, but right now, This will work.

[Note: I read this post again 12 hours later, and realized that I was temporarily insane. I was angry and frustrated with myself, and happened to walk past a mirror while in this frame of mind. Though I'm not pleased with my physical form, I'm not going to starve myself either. Food is just too yummy. Sorry for the Heart Attacks I may have caused. -Sparky]