I'm picking fights again... Asking for the impossible. All I want is for someone to tell me that I'm right, even if I'm not. It's not right or wrong that I'm looking for, it's that re-assurance that someone is actually there, looking out for my emotional needs, rather than just trying to teach me how Wrong I am all the time.
We're taught, beginning as soon as we start school, that we should live in reality, not fantasy. That we should be as jaded as possible: there is no optimism, there are no nice people. The world is hard and harsh. I can accept that. It's the fact that we're not allowed to be comforted anymore. We're not allowed, even when at our worse, rational or not, that we are no longer allowed to have people come to our aid and feed us the sweet lies that help us survive one more day in this cold, cutting existance. You refuse to tell me that, yeah, I do have a point... Even if you don't believe it, how hard is it to hold my hand and just LIE to me!
There are good lies and bad. Bad ones that eventually cause visible harm. I've been subjected to those kinds of lies, many times... It's the good lies, the ones that make us happy, even for a fraction of a second... You look pretty. You're right, he was a jerk.
I've apologuised for myself so many times... said I'm sorry for things that aren't my fault... Even more so for those that I shouldn't be apologuising for. I'm not sorry you won't leave her for me. I'm not sorry that I'm angry with you. I'm not sorry that you can't grow up. I"m not sorry that I'm lonely, and you suddenly don't have time for me. I'm not sorry that I'm hitting bottom, and that no one out there seems to want to help me.
Someone, please, lie to me? Just for tonight?
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