New Sun Rising

And tomorrow beings a new day.

You know, it would have been more fitting to do this yesterday, as it would have been the beginning of the month, new school year, all that, but no worries. September 2nd will have to do.

Yes, ladies and gentalmen, He's gone. "Letting Go" should have said that much, but this time I'm sober, and I mean it. Todd K. Wells is out of my life for good. Off the contact list, out of the address book, out of the city, Buh-bye!

Granted, I would rather have done it in person. I don't think he understood the subtlties of what I was saying. Actually, I told him outright that the next time I saw him I'd rip his balls off, and he didn't get that either. And he rolled over and took it! No spine at all, that one. I'd feel bad for him if I cared about him anymore, but I've disovered something.

You see, children, there's a thing some people experiance, that is so like love, that a person can easily convince themselves that it is the real deal. This is called Obsession. Calvin Klein even named a fragrance after it! Obsession makes a person think about someone so much, only in positive lights, that their very presence consumes their existence. Sort of like Love, only it's usually one-sided, and fizzles out after a few weeks. I, unfortunatly, was under that spell for 3 years. 3 years where this person gave me value, and only the affectoin he so sparingly afforded me would cure the wounds in my ego. Or...id. Maybe Superego... I'm not exactly freudian.

In any case, I've developed a better sense of self worth recently (obviously) and realized that this "Love" I felt so deeply was to a man with no respect for me. The night of the Naked Hot-Tub Party(tm), knowing that Vanessa heard everything, he had sex with me in the bathroom, left the condom for all to see, and then crawled into bed with her, while I slept on the couch. And any number of times, he forgot about me for other, prettier, YOUNGER girls, which is really quite sad, as I'm only 21. Every time I tried to convince him that I really did care, he shot back some glib remark about how "no one could love a man like me", "I'm so horribly flawed", "You deserve better", "whaa...". I was just too blind to see what a shallow player this boy was.

And now, I've very much moved on with my life. I don't have someone else, but I don't need someone else. Not now, with so much going on in my life. Not with so much happiness and real love to give to someone who both needs and deserves it.

So, now, with that THAT emotional baggage is in the compacter, where it belongs, on to bigger and better things!

Well... not really. I spent most of the day in bed watching House. It's a FANTASTIC series. And I got some more reading done, which was nice, and another couple jobs came through NipWork that I'm debating... But here's my dilemma:

What if I go for NipWork, which pays at most $75/week, before tax, and I get something with Zellars, or Staples, or the Lucky? I mean, NipWork would be a LOT more fun! And I wouldn't have to take off my reading weeks/holidays, and I'd be right at the school, BUT there's no guarentee that I'll actually get it. I can only apply for 5 jobs out of about 60 that are currently posted (and some of those are skill-specific), and only accept 1. And, there's already been about 100 people accepted to the program. So, maybe I'll get lucky this year. Or, I'll take my resume into Passionate Kisses, and see what happens there! lol.

Blah, blah, blah... I wish I had something more exciting to report, but that's pretty much it. The Trews wasn't bad... I had a great time with Vanessa. We spent most of the night (through the whole concert, actually) sitting out, talking... We actually do have a lot in common. Aside from the fact that until last year, we both pretty much hated each other. Funny how that works out!

Anyways, back to House. And hopefully something more fun will happen tomorrow.