Today was the day I met with Dr. Cochran. It was... difficult. This is what I said to Nathan on the bus on the way home:
It feels like I'm in the middle of Idaho screaming in Japanese. Everyone knows I'm screaming, and no one understands why. I mean, they can tell by how I sound how I feel, but they just don't understand why. And, eventually, when people start ignoring you, you start to wonder why you're yelling in the first place, or if you should be yelling at all.
That is really how I feel. I mean, I've started to wonder if I should even be looking for help, or if I'm just whining about reality...whatever that is. I mean, The doc didn't make me feel like I was waisting his time, I just... I don't know. The fact that I felt totally intimidated by him didn't really help.
Either way, he's changing my medication. For the next 10 days, I'll be dropped to 150mg of Effexor (I'm at 225 right now). Then I'll be at 75mg for 10 days, the I'll go for 2 days with nothing in my system. He calls it a "wash-out period". That's the bit that scares me a little. I know that this drug causes withdrawl. That's something I REALLY don't want to be dealing with during the paper crunch or exams. But, I'm hoping that the next step will work. After the 2 day wash-out, I'll be on 10mg of Celexa. Aparently, Celexa is supposed to work better than Effexor (according to some friends of mine that are on it), and the side effects shouldn't be as bad. I'll be on that for 2 weeks, then up to 20mg. Then we decide whether I have to go up more or not... probably no more than 40mg. Which, honestly, doesn't sund near as scary as what I'm on.
All I know is I don't like feeling how I've felt the last couple of weeks. I barely have the energy to get out of bed... Motivation comes and goes without warning... I just want to be able to function like a normal, healthy human being.
In other news: I'm going home on Thursday. Yep, I'll get on the bus Thursday at noon, and I"ll be at Yorkdale by 5pm, then home for the weekend by 7pm. I'll be back Sunday night. I just need to go home. I want my dog, and my mom, and just a little bit of home for a while.
That's all for now... Now, go bug someone else, Red! ;)
4 comments:
I'm glad you finally managed to get in and see someone, and I'm glad they're doing something and giving you the care you deserve. "I hope things pick up for you and that you start to feel better soon. If there's anything that I can do, even if you just need to rant over MSN, lemme know. Lord knows, I'd be returning many a favour.
hunny....who is red?
I'm red Nathan, 'cause I have red hair.
... and I was bugging her to update. And she did! So, therefore, I win.
Mwaha...
Greetings Lacey!! Thank you for your comment, I appreciate your thoughts. I understand about many of the things you mentioned as to why the show did not run as smoothly as expected, I've been in many shows and I thought I had mentioned that I understood why things were not all that great, but I guess not all that clearly. I did not intend to "bash" the two main roles so harshly, but in my opinion, those two actresses should not have had such a strong and demanding role when it was clear that they could not handle it or portray it as well as others could have. I think it is great that they had thier lines memorized, but it was the emotion that was lacking, and if they had had their lines memorized for so long, then there is no reason for the roles to lacking so much.
I also have to say that I was impressed with the play, I expected a hell of a lot worse. So, in closing, thank you for commenting on my space and I hope to se you poking around with many other comments / reflections in the future. Toodles for now!!
Crystal Wright.
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